Wednesday, 8:12 AM – If I want to look decent and be there on time, I have to get up right now. Stop hitting the snooze button. Get your ass out of bed.

Wednesday, 8:43 AM – I really think I can nail this one. I know the company history and I looked over my resume again last night. I even looked up questions to ask at the end of the interview. I’m so going to get this job.

Wednesday, 9:47 AM – Where is this office? How am I going to find parking? Please for the love of God, do not let me be late to this interview.

Wednesday, 9:54 AM – Made it. Not the fifteen minutes early I was hoping for, but at least I’m here. Now calm down and look presentable, the HR rep could come out at any minute.

Wednesday, 10:12 AM – At least they started with the easy “Tell me about yourself” question, though I probably didn’t need to tell him where I was born or that I had an appendectomy three years ago. Definitely too much information. I need to work on that answer.

Wednesday, 10:39 AM – This is actually going really well. I’m glad I thought of questions to ask. Especially the “Does anything about my resume concern you?” one. That was a good one.

Wednesday, 10:45 AM – I made sure to leave him with a nice strong handshake. He said I would hear the results of the interview by early next week, so hopefully I’ll have an offer by Tuesday. I can probably stop applying to other jobs now since I know I’m going to get this one.

Thursday-Sunday – Now that I don’t have any applications to fill out I’m going to go out and celebrate my last weekend of freedom before my job starts. I can afford a few big bar tabs, seeing as I’m about to be hauling in $32k a year plus bennies in no time.

Monday, 8:41 AM – I still haven’t heard anything. They probably just have to cross some t’s and dot the lower case j’s.

Monday, 4:43 PM – Why have I not heard anything? Maybe it was just a busy day in the office. Mondays can be like that. Surely I’ll know tomorrow.

Tuesday, 12:28 PM – I seriously cannot keep waiting by my phone like this. I’m going crazy. Why in the hell has he not called me yet? I’d even be okay with an email by this point.

Tuesday, 5:02 PM – I guess Tuesday was really busy too. I’ll give him until noon tomorrow and then I’ll send a courtesy email asking to know the results. I don’t want to be pushy, but I need to start working soon or I’m going to overdraft my bank account and be late on my credit card bills.

Wednesday, 1:59 PM – I still haven’t heard anything and I’ve waited until after lunch. I hate to do this, but I’m going to have to send them an email.

Wednesday, 2:00 PM to Thursday, 4:57 PM – Maybe if I constantly refresh my email, their response will come through faster.

Thursday, 4:58 PM – Oh! Here it is, here is my job offer. Let’s see what it says. Hmmm… “Although we were impressed with your qualifications…” doesn’t sound good. What the hell? I was totally qualified for this position. I’m really glad to know that there were applicants with “1-3 years of experience” who applied for this entry-level position. You all suck. I’m never going to get a job. The economy blows. Why didn’t I study something useful in college? I totally should’ve been a dentist like my mom said. Plus, it was really nice of them to wait until the end of the day to send this email so they didn’t have to respond until tomorrow morning. What an ass. I hate you, corporate America.

Thursday, 4:59 PM – Pour me a drink or five.