======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
It’s that time of year again, friends, where we pay our respects to those who risked it all. Put it all out on the line. Paid the ultimate price. I’m talking, of course, about the departed cast members of The Bachelorette.
So let’s do the damn thing, plug in some Sarah McLachlan, and pour one out for these boys who left us far too soon.
We lost a lot of really good men out there this week playing for the Yankees on The Bachelorette and I for one am pretty torn up about it. I mean, we barely got to know these guys! I don’t even really know their names. How the fuckkkk are they supposed to get Instagram famous find love now? Anyway, throw them a follow if you like the cut of their jib and by that I mean the shirtless selfies.
And, as always, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
Jake, 29, marketing consultant from Minneapolis, Minnesota
You might remember that Jake was the guy who rolls in a similar circle with Becca in the Twin Cities, and for some reason, Becca decided that he wasn’t interested in her then, so now he can’t possibly be into her now. Or something. It was wicked vague, especially when referencing the Christmas party…WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY!?!? Anyway, fellas, point of the story is show interest immediately, because if you don’t hit on her at first chance, you’ll never be allowed to hit on her again. What a crock of shit, Becca.
How about a photo from the now infamous Christmas Party, huh?! How scandalous.
Chase, 27, advertising VP from Sanford, Florida
Chase was the guy who went on After the Final Rose (sidebar: anyone on ATFR is in it for the “wrong reasons” right? Like, they’ve signed up for the show before Becca is even announced as the Bachelorette). Anyway, an “Ex” of his – they went on a few dates – texted mutual friend in the house Chris that Chase wasn’t on the show for the right reasons, and boy did sparks fly like Taylor Swift when it was exposed. I kind of liked Chase and thought he handled getting called out pretty well. Good looking dude who played in the college World Series for South Carolina. I’m gonna miss him.
Grant, 27, electrician from Danville, California
Grant seemed like a good dude and his Instagram says he’s also a sketch comedian in the Bay Area (Yo, Hickey, you know this dude?), and I would’ve liked to see some more of his humor. His run on TV was too short lived to launch any kind of comedy career, but being an electrician is a good day job so he’ll be okay.
Kamil, 30, model from Monroe, New York
Kamil’s bio says he’s a “social media participant” and you could say that about every Tom Dick and Grandma with a Facebook page. But he’s also a real estate agent and models for the same agency as the notorious male model on the show Jordan. And let me tell you, this guy Kamil is gonna be fine. Already pushing 200,000 followers on Instagram, and this guy looks like he was carved by Michaelfuckingangelo himself. He should’ve introduced himself to Becca shirtless; he’d still be here.
Darius, 26, pharmaceutical sales rep from Sherman Oaks, California
Darius played college football at Wisconsin and is another guy who could’ve benefited by introducing himself shirtless to Becca. This guy looks like he hasn’t had a piece of pizza in his entire life.
Joe, 31, grocery store owner from Chicago, Illinois
This guy should’ve been a fan favorite. He was poised to make a deep run, win over our hearts, and maybe be his own Bachelor some day. He had it all. Dude’s got charm. Charisma. Came off as genuine and kind. Dude’s got Midwestern homely qualities and a smile to boot. Becca’s loss, really.
Anddddddd it appears we haven’t seen the last of Grocery Story Joe…
#BachelorNation quickly falls in love with #GroceryStoreJoe
— Chris Harrison (@chrisbharrison) May 29, 2018
I hope they have grocery stores in Paradise!!!
— Chris Harrison (@chrisbharrison) May 29, 2018
Christian, 29, banker from San Diego, California
An ex-semi pro soccer player, who apparently is a banker but also models? I have absolutely zero things to say about him.
RIP. .
Did you know that our critically acclaimed podcast, Touching Base, does a Bachelorette episode each week? Give it a shot.
Respond
Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
I’m here for the responses to Max’s idiotic take on Jake
Jake deserved to go home. He had opportunities outside of being on a reality show to show his interest in Becca. Then to add that he didn’t remember meeting her multiple times. He’s a fame whore. I don’t get how Max could defend his approach, then again he also doesn’t know what a date is.
Jess I’m not defending the approach to go on this fackackta show. I’m defending the idea that just because he didn’t show interest initially doesn’t mean he’s not interested, which is what Becca said
I think by “having a transformative year” Jake means that he smashed the girls in that Christmas party picture and realize they have no substance.
Also if my timelines are right, Becca was engaged to Ari around X-mas time. Maybe she wasn’t allowed to wear her ring, but she must’ve talked about it with her closest friends, who would’ve been at that party, and maybe told Jake to back off
First, terrible take is still terrible.
Second, the Christmas party wasn’t 2017 since that would contradict his ‘transformative year, new Jake’ comment.
Third, did you like Kamil’s 60/40 joke too?
No that was a dickhead comment and a real misogynistic move. How on earth does my take on not getting a second chance to hit on someone make me a misogynist
Regardless of whether someone should be given another chance (sometimes they should), I thought he handled the conversation with her poorly. Seemed almost aggressively defensive and came off sleazy. Was not a fan.
Dude you can’t possibly be serious. Two of my most serious ex girlfriends I was friends with for years, showed little to no interest in them, and they still gave me a chance once I started hitting on them. What’s so crazy about Jake not hitting on Becca the first few times they hung out?
Did you show interest in them after they were the main subject in a primetime television show?
Boston Max out here getting more defensive than a Bryan Colangelo burner account.
My big issue with Jake is that he used the phrase “transformative year.” Such a turn off.
Yeah except they had been around each other multiple times and he didn’t remember so either he’s saying he was hammered every time or she just wasn’t memorable to him. Maybeee not the best approach when you’re trying to woo someone.
Between him not remembering previous meetings, the “transformative year” line, and that XMass party pic, I’m going with the Jake used to be a blackout drunk theory.
Maybe because instead of finally deciding to pursue her via normal avenues he chose to go on a fucking reality show?
ok obviously the route of pursuit is completely absurd, so yes, in a vacuum this Jake dude is a fraud. But don’t sit there and tell me that I missed m y shot if I didn’t show interest the first handful of times we hung out. That’s bogus
Someone’s projecting.
Not projecting at all. Just think what Becca said about him not showing any interest at the Christmas party and because of that he’s 100% discredited was kinddddd of unfair. Is this Jake dude a fraud? Most likely hundo P a fame whore. But outside of this bubble I think that’s a bad mentality to have, that just because he didn’t hit on you right away doesn’t mean he isn’t well intentioned when he does
She said that they had met multiple times, including the Christmas party. I think you can be friends and eventually end up together but it’s pretty suspect when you wait until the person is on a tv show to make your move.
Maybe they gave you a chance because they thought every time they hung out with you was a date.
Can’t wait for Jordan to be on this list.
This reminds me I need to get off my fat ass and go back to the gym.
I’m pissed Joe got voted off. Him and Garrett were my first two pics