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Becca Kufrin, 27, has left us. Cause of death? Embarrassment on national TV. Dumped by her fiance mere weeks after the proposal. Watching as her now-ex rekindles his romance with a mime. I want to say it was Arie who killed Becca but that’s the farthest thing from the truth. It was Lauren. A silent assassin (emphasis on silent) who probably was peppering Arie with so many incendiary nudes on a daily basis that it turned Arie’s brain into bolognese. He didn’t know what he was doing, he was driven mad by Lauren. At worst, it’s an insanity plea.
But, maybe Becca is the real winner here. Now she gets her own season of the show and all the dollars and chances of love Instagram fame that comes with it. The skeptic in me wants to say that this was the plan all along, that Arie told Becca he wanted Lauren, but he’d pick her then dump her so she could become The Bachelorette, but hey, I’m cynical about all things Bachelor.
Plug in some Vanessa Carlton, familiarize yourself with the next Bachelorette, and, as always, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. And also, it’s not over, because we’re going to be over-dosing on Becca K. in the coming months.
Becca K, 27, publicist from Prior Lake, Minnesota
Becca got the very first one-on-one date, and from there she made a great run. Stayed out of the headlines, made friends in the house, and just connected with Arie by being cute and normal. She’s got an absolutely atrocious cross tattoo on her hand, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
She’s also got an incredible ex-boyfriend, Ross, head strength and conditioning coach for Stanford basketball, who I’d pay millions of pennies to see on her next season of the show. That would be pure electricity. Imagine if he won! Omg, I’m getting flushed just thinking about that scenario.
Anyway, let the Grim Creeper show off your next Bachelorette.
(Sidebar: I’m a little bummed it’s not the love of my life Kristina Schulman, but I guess that means that we now still have a shot?)
Also, apparently, Arie now will have difficulty from ever entering the state of Minnesota.
Per Page Six:
The hits keep coming for “Bachelor” Arie Luyendyk Jr.
After breaking off his engagement to Becca Kufrin on Monday’s controversial season finale, documenting the breakup on-camera before reconnecting with runner-up Lauren Burnham, Minnesota state Rep. Drew Christensen leaped to the 29-year-old publicist’s defense, writing a bill banning her 36-year-old ex from entering her home state.
“I’m a man of my word — here’s the bill banning Arie,” Christensen, 24, tweeted Wednesday night, along with a copy of the document, which states, “The state of Minnesota hereby adopts a policy of zero tolerance of Arie Luyendyk, Jr. from season 22 of ‘The Bachelor.’ It is state policy that every person in the state has a right to live free from the presence of Arie Luyendyk, Jr. in the state.”
Never been to Minny, so not sure how much of a blow this is for ALJ, but it can’t feel good. Also, how about that overachieving state rep. He’s TWENTY FOUR! Come on nerd, you’re 24, you’re supposed to be blacking out on three nights a week while scraping by on paying rent, not being a state rep writing bills banning reality stars from entering an entire state. Respect though.
And that makes your winner…
Lauren B, 25, tech sales from Dallas, Texas.
RIP to all involved. .
Don’t forget to check out Episode 160 of Touching Base on iTunes and SoundCloud where they’re joined by The Bachelorette’s Jack Stone to talk all things Bachelor Finale.
Respond
Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
Not going to apologize for looking after our own. #NotSoMinnesotaNice.
I’m from Minneapolis, and Minnesota Nice is a lie
Well yeah, but Minnesota Passive Aggressive and Non-Confrontational doesn’t have much of a ring to it.
Arie killed Becca? Lauren killed Becca? False. Becca murdered them both.
Re: Arie getting banned from the state of Minnesota…. our government is finally working for us.
Apparently, in Lauren’s past life she was a model that went by the name of Libby from Virginia. Google it.