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By now I’ve established myself as the PGP resident psychopath, and long ago lost the need to explain my decision making to your scrutiny. This past fall I wrote a piece about not wanting to share a shower with anybody. I wrote in my piece that this was because my daily shower is my last sanction for peace and reflection during my day. I didn’t happen to mention however just how many daily showers I take. Here’s a typical Saturday…
The first thing I do after getting out of bed in the AM is take a shower. I like a morning shower because it wakes me up and I need to wash the sleep from my body.
Saturday mornings in California are reserved exclusively for exercise. We’re a beautiful state filled with beautiful people. That beauty comes at a price however as we trudge our way to workout classes and gym sessions right after breakfast. Upon completion of my yoga/boxing/TRX/whatever type of class is trendy, the first thing I do is head home and shower. Don’t want to be sweaty the rest of the day.
As lunchtime approaches, I realize I’m running low on food so I duck out to the local grocery. After I get home, unpack my purchases and make myself lunch, I’m going to grab a quick shower to wash off both the grocery store and the sweat I’ve accumulated from my big errand.
Then it’s an afternoon on the couch watching television and taking advantage of none of the beauty or landscape the city I live in offers while the Capital F Fiancee bitches to me via text message about how I never meet her or her friends out during the day. We have dinner plans that night with another couple. I hop in the shower before we leave because I like to feel clean before stepping out for the evening in a fresh outfit. As I stand there in the steam and humidity, I pray that the couple we’re seeing shortly doesn’t invite some random friend without telling us.
After a long night of me pretending to listen to people while scrolling through Twitter on my lap and telling the same four stories, we arrive home late (11 p.m.) with liquor on our breath and too much dessert in our bellies for sex. The sweater I wore to dinner smells like the restaurant and I don’t want to bring that into bed with me, so before turning in I grab a quick shower.
On weekdays my showers are less frequent: always a shower before work, a shower after work and then a rinse right before bed. Of course I shower before I get on a plane and immediately after, to wash the plane off me.
To quickly answer your most pressing questions:
Each shower is five-eight minutes long, max.
I only need to wash my hair twice a week (have you seen it?)
No I don’t care that California is low on water; I’ve paid enough since living here that I would own my own body of water in any other state.
The Capital F Fiancee does have a problem with this habit and yes we are working through it with a counselor.
Yes, I moisturize like a motherfucker every time I get out. I know it’s important and no I’m not 24 I actually just turned 30, thank you for the compliment.
It comes down to this: I hate the feeling of sweat and love the feeling of being clean. As a result, I love taking showers..