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We all go through slumps after college. It’s not as easy to meet new people, make new friends, and only on the weekends does it really makes sense to go out on the town. Right now, I’m in the biggest slump of my life, and I can’t shake it. How did this slump start? How slumps for guys almost always start – with a girl.
I’ve never been one to let rejection get me down. In life, you’re going to win some and lose some when it comes to the opposite sex. If we’re all honest with each other, we lose more than we win. Just a fact for the majority of us. However, ever since getting basically stood up around March of this year, I’ve had a case of the yips around women.
This infamous Thursday night was supposed to be a 4th date with a girl I had previously met downtown on Broadway. We had three highly successful dates, or so I thought, and for the fourth one we planned on going to see the Alabama Shakes at Ascend, which is a venue downtown.
This date wasn’t even my idea. She asked me to come with her via a text message that went something along the lines of the following:
Girl: “Well, I don’t have time to do anything this week because of my schedule. Unless you want to come to see the Alabama Shakes with me! It would be fun!”
I responded and said I would be game because a few of my friends were going as well. I even made sure I wasn’t intruding on a “girls night” by saying if it was something she was planning on going to with her friends I didn’t want to intrude. She informed me that wasn’t the case as she didn’t really have anyone to go with.
All signs pointed to another successful date.
Let’s fast forward to the night of when things go to shit. I received a text from said female at around the time I was getting off work, which led to the following exchange:
Girl: “Hey, so I have to stay late at work for some parent/teacher meetings I didn’t know were going to be today. I can’t be ready until 6:30, so why don’t we just meet down there?!”
Me: “Ok, well I really don’t mind waiting to pick you up. Unless you’re sure you would just rather meet there?”
Girl: “No I don’t want to make you do that! My friend Fuckface Mcgee is coming to pick me up and it’s easier for him anyways because he lives closer.”
The name was changed to protect the innocent, but I’m sure you see the red flag here. She had another guy picking her up on what was supposed to be our 4th date. My ego is deteriorating just writing that out.
At this point I knew the night was going to be an utter disaster, but I tried to push it out of my mind and salvage what was destined to be a doomed 4th date.
Throughout the night I continually tried to pick a spot for us to meet up while receiving half-assed responses from her via text messages. The writing was on the wall that she was done with me, but I just didn’t have the stomach to actually read it. I finally gave up hope after she said she’d rather just meet up inside the concert in the middle of the lawn.
Ascend holds almost 7,000 people with 4,500 of that number being on the lawn which is where our tickets were. The chances of me finding her in a sold out crowd, mid-Alabama Shakes concert were one in a million. Especially with her just giving me a general area of being, “in the middle.” After 15 minutes of looking around like a lost, pathetic puppy I gave up. Not only did I lose her that night, I lost my what was left of my manhood.
After drinking my sorrows away, I did the thing everyone hates themselves for the next day. I sent the drunk text.
Me: “You realize the only reason I came tonight was to see you right?”
Girl: “Yea, really sorry it worked out that way!”
Not a good look followed by a cold blooded response. I had never been straight up ditched like that, and the cherry on top was that it was basically for another guy. On a night she planned to be our 4th date. The kicker is the whole thing was her idea, and I guess in the days leading up to it something made her have second thoughts.
Rejection is something I can take fairly well, but this has had me mentally scrambled ever since. It’s not even the girl to be honest.
Don’t get me wrong, she was great. We probably had three of the best dates I’ve ever been on. However, three dates is by no means a serious relationship, or even a relationship in general, and I understand that. I’m not even mad at her because when you play the game sometimes you get burned and that’s just the way it is.
She owed me nothing, but it was the way it happened. Not only being stood up, but being stood up on a date she planned for another guy has dropped a nuclear bomb on my self-confidence.
I haven’t been myself ever since. I’ve had minimal success with women since this failed date and now I’m hesitant to even approach them at the bar. When I do muster the courage I’m not my usual self with the conversation that follows. Typically I can be funny, and sometimes even slightly charming but that seems to have faded away with the sands of time.
Have I had some success? Sure. I’ve gotten a good amount of numbers from girls out on Broadway and in Midtown, but even if I get a girls number I somehow find a way to talk myself out of shooting her a text afterwards.
Needless to say I’m shook. Should I be this way? Absolutely not. I deserve to be assaulted in the comments below for being in this slump for the reason stated above. Nonetheless, I can’t help it. Telling myself this wasn’t the cause of it is just a flat out lie, and not helping solve the situation. This is the longest I’ve ever been in a slump and I’m desperate to break it. That desperation only makes me sink deeper and deeper into the slump.
Why have I decided to make my embarrassing slump so public? Maybe by sharing my failure with the world this will somehow break the slump. Maybe the hate that follows in the comments will wake me up. I could probably use some tough love. Will baring my soul for the masses right the ship? Maybe. Or maybe I’ll just be stuck in this slump forever.
Only time will tell..