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We all go through slumps after college. It’s not as easy to meet new people, make new friends, and only on the weekends does it really makes sense to go out on the town. Right now, I’m in the biggest slump of my life, and I can’t shake it. How did this slump start? How slumps for guys almost always start – with a girl.
I’ve never been one to let rejection get me down. In life, you’re going to win some and lose some when it comes to the opposite sex. If we’re all honest with each other, we lose more than we win. Just a fact for the majority of us. However, ever since getting basically stood up around March of this year, I’ve had a case of the yips around women.
This infamous Thursday night was supposed to be a 4th date with a girl I had previously met downtown on Broadway. We had three highly successful dates, or so I thought, and for the fourth one we planned on going to see the Alabama Shakes at Ascend, which is a venue downtown.
This date wasn’t even my idea. She asked me to come with her via a text message that went something along the lines of the following:
Girl: “Well, I don’t have time to do anything this week because of my schedule. Unless you want to come to see the Alabama Shakes with me! It would be fun!”
I responded and said I would be game because a few of my friends were going as well. I even made sure I wasn’t intruding on a “girls night” by saying if it was something she was planning on going to with her friends I didn’t want to intrude. She informed me that wasn’t the case as she didn’t really have anyone to go with.
All signs pointed to another successful date.
Let’s fast forward to the night of when things go to shit. I received a text from said female at around the time I was getting off work, which led to the following exchange:
Girl: “Hey, so I have to stay late at work for some parent/teacher meetings I didn’t know were going to be today. I can’t be ready until 6:30, so why don’t we just meet down there?!”
Me: “Ok, well I really don’t mind waiting to pick you up. Unless you’re sure you would just rather meet there?”
Girl: “No I don’t want to make you do that! My friend Fuckface Mcgee is coming to pick me up and it’s easier for him anyways because he lives closer.”
The name was changed to protect the innocent, but I’m sure you see the red flag here. She had another guy picking her up on what was supposed to be our 4th date. My ego is deteriorating just writing that out.
At this point I knew the night was going to be an utter disaster, but I tried to push it out of my mind and salvage what was destined to be a doomed 4th date.
Throughout the night I continually tried to pick a spot for us to meet up while receiving half-assed responses from her via text messages. The writing was on the wall that she was done with me, but I just didn’t have the stomach to actually read it. I finally gave up hope after she said she’d rather just meet up inside the concert in the middle of the lawn.
Ascend holds almost 7,000 people with 4,500 of that number being on the lawn which is where our tickets were. The chances of me finding her in a sold out crowd, mid-Alabama Shakes concert were one in a million. Especially with her just giving me a general area of being, “in the middle.” After 15 minutes of looking around like a lost, pathetic puppy I gave up. Not only did I lose her that night, I lost my what was left of my manhood.
After drinking my sorrows away, I did the thing everyone hates themselves for the next day. I sent the drunk text.
Me: “You realize the only reason I came tonight was to see you right?”
Girl: “Yea, really sorry it worked out that way!”
Not a good look followed by a cold blooded response. I had never been straight up ditched like that, and the cherry on top was that it was basically for another guy. On a night she planned to be our 4th date. The kicker is the whole thing was her idea, and I guess in the days leading up to it something made her have second thoughts.
Rejection is something I can take fairly well, but this has had me mentally scrambled ever since. It’s not even the girl to be honest.
Don’t get me wrong, she was great. We probably had three of the best dates I’ve ever been on. However, three dates is by no means a serious relationship, or even a relationship in general, and I understand that. I’m not even mad at her because when you play the game sometimes you get burned and that’s just the way it is.
She owed me nothing, but it was the way it happened. Not only being stood up, but being stood up on a date she planned for another guy has dropped a nuclear bomb on my self-confidence.
I haven’t been myself ever since. I’ve had minimal success with women since this failed date and now I’m hesitant to even approach them at the bar. When I do muster the courage I’m not my usual self with the conversation that follows. Typically I can be funny, and sometimes even slightly charming but that seems to have faded away with the sands of time.
Have I had some success? Sure. I’ve gotten a good amount of numbers from girls out on Broadway and in Midtown, but even if I get a girls number I somehow find a way to talk myself out of shooting her a text afterwards.
Needless to say I’m shook. Should I be this way? Absolutely not. I deserve to be assaulted in the comments below for being in this slump for the reason stated above. Nonetheless, I can’t help it. Telling myself this wasn’t the cause of it is just a flat out lie, and not helping solve the situation. This is the longest I’ve ever been in a slump and I’m desperate to break it. That desperation only makes me sink deeper and deeper into the slump.
Why have I decided to make my embarrassing slump so public? Maybe by sharing my failure with the world this will somehow break the slump. Maybe the hate that follows in the comments will wake me up. I could probably use some tough love. Will baring my soul for the masses right the ship? Maybe. Or maybe I’ll just be stuck in this slump forever.
Only time will tell..
Respond
I’ve never before commented on a post. But here you go.
1. Teachers are always the crazy chicks. Always.
2. That’s not playing the game. That’s shitty behavior. Hence why you’re still upset. The game you can handle. Being a bitch and leaving you wandering all alone at a concert is fucked up.
3. She has the confidence issue. Only a confident guy would still attend the concert and try to find her. She’s so insecure and she basically ended up at the concert with two dates to make sure she wasn’t alone.
4. Final point. whoever she ended up going with is obviously a shit bag who wouldn’t commit earlier and who’s probably still sleeping with four other girls behind her back. And she’s still chasing him. You avoided a nightmare.
What he ^^^ said about the shithead…
*she
Take up blow, confidence will be back in no time
This chick just sucks. She was probably hot cause only hot girls can get away with this crap, which is probably why you are butt hurt. You need a slump buster, hit up a girl from last year with a midweek check in and see how it works out
This happened to me almost to a T. It took some time, but you have to build up that wall of confidence brick by brick. Make small talk with everyone you meet (in line, in elevators, etc.), get back into working out, read that book you keep saying you will, improve upon yourself and you’ll stop worrying what others think and thereby become more attractive to everyone.
Good luck man.
5 bricks a day and in a year you’ll have a mighty fine looking wall.
Can confirm- 7/10 times a girl that responds to a midweek check in is down. That number increases if you were an asshole to her the year prior and she still responds.
“Never thought I would hear from you again!”
Yup, agree she totally sucks, this isn’t just her being weird and confusing like 90% of girls. Also as a girl, can confirm that a midweek check in is appreciated so GO FOR IT
Girls are weird, man. There’s a strong possibility that she was really into you, but then something in her brain happened and she just changed her mind. It doesn’t make it right or fair, but it happens. After the 3rd-4th date is when I start thinking, “Do I want to make this person a priority?” And most of the time, the answer is that I like them and hanging out with them but I’m not so sure. All of her texts (busy schedule, stay late at work, don’t go out of your way, sorry I missed you) say exactly that. She’s not ready to give up her selfish freedom for you, for anyone. So buddy, it’s not you, it’s her. And that’s the damn truth.
The best way to break a slump: swing hard, just in case you hit somethin’
Aim for the fences then take it down from there is my strategy. Hardly ever works but hey, shooters shoot
Sorry to hear, rough night. As a rule of thumb, when you’re first starting to date a girl, you don’t want to go out with her and her friends to an event they already have plans for. The correct decision in this case would’ve been to say that you don’t wanna go and to wait until next week when she’s more free.
Also, offering to wait for her made you come off as her bitch.
But you live and you learn.
May have led y’all astray with the “girls night” sentence. She responded saying she didn’t have anyone to go with, so at that time I was under the assumption it would just be the two of us.
Ahh yeah I misunderstood that part. In that case, as soon as she mentioned Fuckface, I woulda cancelled there and then. Either way, she’s a bitch for doing this. Keep your head up, shooters shoot.
You’re so money and you don’t even know it! You gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past. And Mikey, when you do, I’m telling you, the future is beautiful, alright? Look out the window. It’s sunny every day here. It’s like manifest destiny. Don’t tell me we didn’t make it. We made it! We are here. And everything that is past is prologued to this. All of the shit that didn’t kill us is only – you know, all that shit. You’re gonna get over it.
That’s a bummer. I had a friend who thought a girl was interested in him, yet she rescheduled their date three times, all the while appearing sincerely interested. He figured it out eventually, sadly.
I feel like girls do this because they don’t want to come off as a bitch, but don’t understand that guys don’t take the hint, until it becomes painfully obvious. At which point it would have been kinder to say no.
Fuck her, man. She’s a shitty person all around, and that’s outta your control. Don’t let what’s outta your control affect your game. You’re a decent human being. Don’t let shitty people get you down in a slump. Go out there and do exactly what you’ve been doing, it’s all about the odds. Delete her from your life now. Go out there and find, as DJ Khaled would say – ANOTHER ONE.
I think the biggest confidence killer is when things end and you don’t exactly know why. Sometimes things are going great and then they fall apart out of nowhere and it sucks but trying to figure out what went wrong or what her thought process was is only gonna make it harder on you. I’d say the best thing you can do is just keep yourself as busy as possible until it no longer bothers you.