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Where are all my banged-up 30-something dudes who are getting into yoga at? That’s not rhetorical. I need to hear from y’all.
I’m 32 and I can’t touch my toes. Actually, I’ve never been able to touch my toes. I’ve been to three different chiropractors in the last 4 years. Some of that is due to relocation, but that’s still three more large males cracking my back than I’d like. That life ain’t cheap.
Flexibility has never been the key to my golf game. For a long time, I have relied on uncanny power and sheer willpower. I’m not that guy anymore. The writing’s on the wall. Something has to change or my days of snaking out WOLF victories on playoff holes will be nothing more than sweet, sweet memories.
So I’m getting into yoga. It had to happen. I’m with dealing rogue pain and soreness at any given moment of any given day. The standup desk wasn’t the game-changer we were all hoping it’d be. On to the next one.
Yoga is my last chance. A Hail Mary. This is my “Jasmine asking Nick if he’s into choking” moment. And dead ass – I need to hear from any normal dude out there that’s gotten into this. I’ve never stepped foot in a yoga studio, and there are exactly 2,300 yoga studios in Austin. My wife’s into it, but I’m not sold on walking my robotic ass into a class with a bunch of seasoned yogis yet.
In the interest of being as transparent as possible, I’ll admit it: I’m self-conscious about my new venture.
Walking into a class full of pros and looking like a dumbass doesn’t sound like a good time. Neither does sweating balls while my thin hair pastes onto my forehead as I cringe trying to hold my hands over my head in a lunge position. But desperate times, guys. It’s 2017. If your brand isn’t growing, it’s dying.
Joe Rogan does hot yoga three times a week. He’s basically 50 years old, and he’s out there cranking out 3-hour podcasts multiple times per week and looking swoll as fuck. Whatever he’s doing, it’s working. Okay, some of that is the testosterone replacement therapy, but I think I’m going to hold off on that until 34 or 35. Either way, his podcast is basically my moral compass at this point in my life, so you know I’m going to follow suit.
I’m ready to enter this phase, but I need that final push to get me over the edge.
I have no guy friends that yoga. I brought it up in one of my group texts and received zero responses. Crickets. I’m certain there’s a side text going on that’s just flaming me as we speak. But I expected that. I’m putting myself out there and need to know that this is going to move the needle one way or the other. Tell me I’m going to be reborn. Ask me how much of my next paycheck will be devoted to Outdoor Voices. Question my insecurity. There’s no such thing as bad feedback.
Join me on this journey. We have nothing to lose. .
Image via Will’s Yoga Gram
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Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
@dcarterruff
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david@grandex.co
As a dude, I gotta say that hot yoga is actually pretty great. Go for it Dave, crush the yoga game with no shame.
The host of this podcast I listen to does hot yoga
Which pod? Y’all should recommend it on ddb sometime.
Great to see that. There’ve been mixed feelings when hot yoga was brought up.
Sooner or later, and possibly on multiple occasions, you will release a loud, smelly fart in a room full of women. Don’t let that get into you head, or anything. Just know it will happen.
You’ll love what your golf swing feels like when you get a better range of motion. After a few weeks of yoga I walked onto the volleyball court and had no idea my swings could be so fluid, I was ripping balls to the 10 foot line like it was my job
I was in the same boat. Couldn’t touch my toes my entire life. I started going to hot yoga 2-3 times a week to supplement my workouts and after two months in, on a whim, I bent down and torched the mother effing ground. #closer
Wished I would have started earlier. Not to mention, there is some very fine scenery at the studios. But don’t stare you creeps.
I’ve been considering getting into yoga (solely for my golf game) and this is definitely the push I needed to take the dive
Hey what have I said before about the Archer undercover identities….
ITS NOT ALWAYS RANDY
If your concerned about looking like a dumbass just go with your wife and post up in the back of class. I honestly don’t notice anyone else in class…except for the hot mamis
At a certain point with the yoga thing you just have to accept you’re going to be awful at it. My girlfriend is very into yoga (certified instructor, goes to classes probably 5 times a week) and she guilts me into going with her sometimes. When you start out, try and go to the ones that are relaxation focused or the ones which seem to have the highest number of old people in them. Those ones will generally be a little slower paced and not as awful. Also, a lot of yoga classes, at least at my girlfriend’s studio, seem to be conducted with pretty dim lighting or just some candles up by the instructors. The low lighting helps to hide the shame.
Dave, don’t feel shame. I had to do yoga for lacrosse back in college and it changed my perspective. Go for it. Once my Achilles attaches itself to itself again, I’ll be laying face down in child’s pose in no time as I try to meet my future wife. Since I’ll be out of commission for like 8 months, can I come sit in on a podcast sode? I can bring some content to the show
I’m 26 and about as limber as the Washington Monument, so I’ve definitely thought about it, but there’s still no way I can get myself to step foot in a Dallas yoga studio.
Go on YouTube and follow some videos. I look absurd but damniy it works in the privacy of your own place
And if we learned anything in 2016 it’s that what people do in the privacy of their own homes, as long as they’re not hurting anybody, is their business.
As a guy, I enjoy both yoga, and mat pilates. Not only is it good exercise, but also it’s also exercise where you get to stare at babes in yoga pants the whole time.
I was going to suggest Pilates. It focuses on strength and flexibility so you don’t feel like a complete idiot. Seriously there is no way to feel like a man when your in “happy baby” pose. Just do Pilates instead.
Dave, wish you the best of luck. Started yoga after a back surgery and never looked back. The first two weeks or so we’re both painful and embarrassing, but the payoff is well worth it.
I do yoga at my house, because I’m lazy and don’t feel like going somewhere. I use DDP yoga (by former WCW great Diamond Dallas Page) I know it sounds dumb because it’s by a former pro wrestler but give it a chance it’s pretty legit.
I actually do this as well, and I will also attest that it is legit for the agoraphobe who doesn’t want others to see him struggle with warrior pose.