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“Concerning Hobbits” by Howard Shore is played by a string quartet as the groom and the five he had chosen to stand with him marched from an area on the second floor down to where the ceremony was taking place on the first floor.
This wedding is different but in a good way, not only because I’ve never been to one when it’s cold outside but also because I’ve never seen someone walk down the aisle to Howard Shore. I’ve always identified The Lord of the Rings movies as something that you watch during the winter. I decide in my head that this is no mistake on the groom’s part. This was calculated. LOTR soundtrack music and weddings go together like PB&J, I just didn’t realize it until that moment.
The December wedding is something I had not heard of in all of my days but it was a refreshing twist on your cookie cutter, extremely boiler plate July wedding. No outdoor ceremony where everyone is fanning themselves with their “Welcome” brochure and no swamp ass from wearing a suit in the summer heat.
Despite what television and movies may tell you, a friend’s wedding, at least in my experience, is not going to be a place where you find companionship. I met the groom in my junior year of college and we became fast friends.
I was one of just a handful of people at this 200 person wedding who did not bring a plus one with them, and although I was sat at a table full of people that I knew very well, this didn’t stop them from engaging in gossip with their own significant others. Can’t blame them. I was supposed to be bringing a girlfriend to this thing. By the time we had finished dinner and were waiting for the dancing to begin, word got back to me that some of my friends’ dates had been asking questions about me.
“What, he couldn’t find a date?”
“Where is his tie? That turtleneck he’s got on makes him look like a game show host.”
“Did he just tell you to fist yourself?”
While I understand that the “game show host” reference was supposed to be a knock on my outfit, I took it in stride. Who wouldn’t want to look like Pat Sajak or Regis Philbin during a holiday episode of Millionaire or Wheel of Fortune?
It’s an unfortunate thing to show up to a wedding alone in your late 20’s. Questions are asked that you don’t really feel like answering. It’s like Thanksgiving Lite, except instead of extended family grilling you it’s the mother of the bride complimenting you hair and whispering in your ear that the bridesmaid second from the left of her daughter at the head table is single.
I assume my situation also made it’s way over to the bridesmaid in question, because after a brief appearance in a dance circle during “Return of the Mack”, I was approached. After some introductory lines about how we knew the bride and groom, I knew what was happening. I was being hit on. Or at least I think I was.
In my experience, a bridesmaid doesn’t ask you to go to the bar (no, not the one right next to us), specifically the one behind the dance floor hidden by a DJ booth, to take a shot with her unless she’s interested in you. I declined, politely of course, because I was having a jolly good time dancing with a ton of my friends whom I hadn’t seen in a very long time. Plus, everyone knows the bartenders aren’t allowed to give out shots at open bar wedding events. That’s a no-no.
Listen I just wasn’t in the mood for the whole song and dance routine that is trying to hook up at a wedding. Would I have liked to maybe get to know this girl (Abby? Alexandra? I truly can’t remember her name) a little bit better and possibly have gone home with her? Sure. But when the options on the table are to drunkenly dance to “September” with a bunch of people you haven’t seen in ages or flirt with a girl that you’re not all that interested in to begin with, you take option 1 every time. I know you were hoping for something more juicy – a makeout session in front of a crowd or a hookup in the women’s bathroom but that didn’t happen. I got drunk on tequila soda’s and danced my ass off. Sorry to disappoint. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Disappointed, but I respect it.
The “screw chicks, I just wanna dance” moments are few and far between the older you get. Always gotta ride that train to the station when the opportunity presents itself.
the “screw chicks, I just wanna dance” attitude will land you more chicks than if you actually try to pursue them
No need to look for a hook up when the DJ is playing bangers like September and Return of the Mack…
It takes a lot of discipline to not smash when the opportunity presents itself. This is the closest you’ll ever be to achieving zen mastery of yourself.
Counterpoint: I met my wife as a hookup at my buddy’s wedding.
Jk she visited me once and now I’m blocked on all social media
You certainly can order shots at a wedding what are you talking about
Every wedding I’ve ever been to the bartenders refuse. I always assumed that was the norm
In my experience as long as you tip them every few times you’re up there they’ll pour you shots occasionally
interesting. maybe you have to have a bridesmaid with you
the only way I’ve gotten around that is to order whatever it is on ice. Technically a drink, so they don’t say no lol
That’s what I’ve experienced. Just ask for only 1 ice cube.
If I pay for an open bar at my wedding, and find out bartenders don’t pour what my guests want, I’m raising all hell
It’s normally always a no-go but I’ve come to find that if you ask the bartender to add an ice cube in the cup then VOILA! it’s no longer a “shot”. 60% of the time it works every time.
Yea I’ve only seen very young looking people get denied and that’s because bartenders weren’t carding. Most weddings I go to have a ‘dollar’ dance that requires taking a shot.
Hell yeah JD. I’ll take the boys over a rando any day.