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Game of Thrones has been an insane run. Every Sunday for the past couple years at 8 o’clock, you’ve huddled around whatever device you get HBO through and headed to Westeros, or avoided spoilers like the plague until you could indulge. Nothing beats participating in the GoT fandom via Twitter, conversation with your friends, or your favorite GoT podcast. It’s been a memorable run, to say the least. Who could forget the Red Wedding? Or the untimely death of that little bastard King Joffrey? Recently we’ve been treated to the saga of the death and return of Jon Snow. Everyone has been fortunate to bask in GoT’s greatness.
Everyone except me. Because I didn’t witness these events, nor do I understand their significance. I’m just a guy who doesn’t watch the show and is dealing with a major case of GoT FOMO. I’ve seen all the previously mentioned events get obsessed over on Twitter and it killed me not to join in. GoT appears to be sitting on the throne (no pun intended) of the golden age of TV, giving viewers so much damn entertainment, yet I’m on the outside looking in. That feeling is my own personal Jessie’s Girl.
I want GoT in my life. No, I need GoT In my life. I’ve been behind the curve before. Was a late starter on Breaking Bad, as well as a few other classics that I only picked up in binge-mode after their final episodes had already aired. But this is a whole different animal. Every Sunday, I’m missing out on a cultural phenomenon, and what’s worse is that I know it. I won’t even try to kid myself that it’s probably not that great a show. I’d bet my left nut that I’d love it.
“So just go watch it you whiny bastard.” Okay, smartass reading this, it’s not that simple. That’s a huge commitment; a Giancarlo Stanton-sized long-term contract. Right now, I’m already so behind on hour-longs that I owe it to myself to catch up on, throwing in a new alpha male to that lineup could throw my world off balance. I’m fully convinced that should I fire up HBO Go for GoT it’d become my own personal heroin. I’d be getting less sleep and every aspect of my life would go down the tubes.
I’m not in a position to be able to dedicate an entire weekend to binging, so I’d have to go about this by allocating any free time I have towards it, and that just can’t be healthy. All that being said, to get the inside scoop on what everyone already knows is happening in Westeros might be worth it.
Time isn’t the only factor I’d have to hurdle. I already know too much. This show has a reputation for dropping the hammer on viewers week in and week out. I feel like I’d be cheating myself going in knowing as much as I do. How anticlimactic would it be to know that as soon as that Red Wedding starts that the shit will be going down? Or watching the entire first season knowing Sean Bean is going to get snuffed? I made the mistake of keeping GoT on my radar just enough to remember the hot moments that dominated social media, but never sat my ass on the couch and put the time in that I should’ve. No one to blame but myself.
I’m so tired of being on the outside looking in. I’m like Ebenezer Scrooge standing out in the cold, staring inside Bob Cratchit’s house wondering why the fuck they’re all so damn happy in there. Hey guys, I want to know why Jon Snow is so cool. I need to be balls deep in GOT Twitter on Sunday’s. And I sure as hell want to know what the fuck the significance behind Oysters, Clams & Cockles is. Every time I see the joy in people over the latest twist, I feel like Rougned Odor just gave me a metaphorical right hook to the face. I showed up on Friday to a race run on Tuesday.
As I scrolled through Twitter last night, I discovered that Khaleesi apparently did something baller as hell. I’m sure it was great TV guys. And even more than that, I wish I knew why. .
Image via Shutterstock
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
You’d better hurry. Winter is coming.
You know nothing, Kyle Bandujo.
Having to convince someone to watch GOT feels like having to convince a friend to sleep with a 10 that he’ll never have a chance with again.
Perfect analogy actually. It’s only the greatest show on TV ever.
me on Twitter on Sunday nights
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Kyle, it’s time you enter the fray…
It’s like I want to feel bad for you but at the same time it’s like, nobody’s fault but your own. Winter’s been coming for a while now.
It’s like I’m standing at the train station holding a ticket, but each time the train stops I can’t force myself to get on.
Winter ain’t the only thing coming on Sunday nights…HEYOOO
I should have been born a Dothraki.
Even if you know the red wedding and all the other hammers coming, it’s still worth the watch. The show is just that good.
Up until this season everyone who read the books also knew what was going to happen, doesn’t mean it still isn’t damn fine television
Just watch 2 episodes every week night and 3-4 on Saturday and Sundays. Bring your phone or tablet with HBO Go to the gym and ride the stationary while you watch.
You’ll catch up pretty fast (about 2 or 3 weeks at the pace I suggested, though you’ll probably get hooked and watch an entire season on a Saturday).
When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die