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I’m An Electric Toothbrush Guy Now

I'm An Electric Toothbrush Guy Now

In a country like America where consumer products reign supreme, the electric toothbrush may be one of the most overlooked. I don’t think people in this country value healthy gums and teeth as much as they should, and up until a few weeks ago I really thought that I was taking good care of my mouth.

I floss three, four, sometimes five times a day if I am really bored. Flossing has replaced smoking cigarettes as a sort of oral fixation for me. Those little mini flossers that you can buy at any CVS or Walgreens are my lifeblood. I brush for two and half minutes twice a day (three if I’m crushing a chicken pesto sandwich for lunch) with Crest Pro-Health Original paste because of the price point and its fluoride content.

I don’t need the bells and whistles of some organic toothpaste from Whole Foods or Trader Joes. Give me the straight dope. The stuff that dental hygienists overwhelmingly recommend to their patients when they get up out of the chair after a cleaning. That’s Crest Pro-Health, baby. Now for years I’ve been under the impression that I was fine. That I was going above and beyond to make sure that my mouth was sparkling.

I really thought that my flossing and brushing habits were adequate. I did my twice yearly cleaning checkups with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. And then a few nights ago I found myself without a toothbrush before bed while sleeping over at my girlfriend’s place.

It was getting close to bedtime and I had a choice in front of me- 1. I could go to bed without brushing my teeth and wake up with a disgusting light film over my molars, or 2. I could use her Sonicare electric brush.

I’ve never been a person that cares too much about sharing toothbrushes. If I’m exchanging fluids with you via kissing or anything beyond that, using your toothbrush is not that big of a deal.

In a past life-one that saw me wheeling and dealing, engaging in the chase if you will – when I would be playing away games, I’d sneak off to the girl’s bathroom where I was laying my head for the night and use whichever toothbrush was laying out. My desire to brush knows no boundaries, but I hadn’t, before a few nights ago, used an electric toothbrush in ages.

I had a Darth Maul commemorative Star Wars e-brush when I was a lad for a few months, but other than that it’s always been manual brushes in my house. A few nights ago when I used the Sonicare, though? My life was forever changed.

The speed with which the Sonicare brush turns on is a little jarring for a person like myself who only knows the bristles of a manual stick. You can feel the power behind the Sonicare at the base of your jawline as you stick the rotating, circular tip on one tooth at a time for 10-15 seconds a piece. And while I have to admit that at first it’s a bit uncomfortable, after running your tongue along your teeth you can tell the difference between a manual and an electric. After my first run with a Sonicare, I literally thought I was wearing a grill for a second when I opened my mouth to check my teeth in the mirror. Slippery, whiter than a bag of pure Colombian cocaine, and most importantly clean.

Contoured bristles. Speed settings for every mouth under the sun. Battery life lasting up to 2 weeks before needing a motherfucking charge. What more could you possibly ask for? If you’re a manual user like me, I wouldn’t blame you for being skeptical. I know that if someone else had written this piece I sure as hell would be shaking my head in disbelief. And look, you guys, I get that. Change is hard. That’s just a fact of life. Technology is not always the answer, but in the case of tooth brushing the only thing I can tell you is that the Sonicare is well worth the price of admission. You want to talk life changing? The Sonicare is exactly that.

If ever there was something to spend your Christmas money on this January, it’s a Sonicare. Do it for your dental hygienist. Do it for your significant other who will marvel at the difference in shine and sheer slipperiness. But most importantly, do it for yourself. I know that I’m about twenty years late on the phenomenon that is the e-brush, but holy hell the game done changed. It’s 2018 and with all due respect manual brushing is out. Sonicare or the get the fuck out of my face.

Image via Shutterstock

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Johnny D

fashion icon. @dudaronomy on twitter. e-mail: jduda10@gmail.com

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