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It is with a heavy heart that I announce that spooky season has ended. Spooky season 2018 was filled with plenty of spooks, haunts, ghouls and goblins, but now the calendar turns to the most festive stretch of the year, and if you’re not fully embracing it by firing up your Christmas music playlist on November 1st, you are nothing but a yellow bellied coward.
First thing I did this morning was fire up my Christmas playlist. I then texted my family to give me a general list of what they wanted for Christmas this afternoon while listening to James Taylor’s Christmas album (so choice). I then perused Amazon for a new set of chili pepper lights because the ones I purchased last year had become faded and lost their luster after I decided to keep them out on my balcony all year because they made me so happy. “A Very Kacey Christmas” played gently in the background while I tried to decide between red, green, yellow or tri-colored strands of chili pepper lights.
I’m not saying you need to deck the halls with boughs of Target-bought fake ivy and strap a Douglas Fir to the top of your Honda. However, if you aren’t already dipping your toes into the holiday spirit, you’re a big baby. I squeeze every last drop of cheer out of this two-month stretch of calendar. There’s a song called “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” and it’s about this time of year, you big grinch. I’d even venture to say this is America’s favorite time of year. Even better than summertime. A time for friends AND family.
What better way to kick this time of year off with a little mini-marathon of Johnny Mathis and Roger Whittaker? The first time the temperature is below 55 degrees and “Where Are You Christmas?” comes on the radio is a magical moment. Faith Hill’s angelic vocals will forever be an American treasure and a testament to just how much better we are than every other country on the planet. When the crescendo rises in that song, all I want to do is beat strangers out of parking spots and chop it up with my local Best Buy sales associate about the hottest OLED deals of the season.
Oh, what’s that? A Lexus with a bow on it? Fuck yeah. Now we go. Inject it right into my veins. Imagine being rich enough to afford to give someone a goddamn Lexus on Christmas? Those are always my favorite commercials. “Hey honey, check it out! I made a major financial decision and bought you a brand new luxury vehicle. Whaddaya say we let the kids play with their toys and we go fool around upstairs even though every ounce of joy in our marriage is only based on material possessions at this point?” Major couple goals right there.
I might even run this Christmas playlist back and head to the store to pick up some ingredients for a holiday roast. Nothing quite as exhilarating a holiday grocery store run. Gotta get those grocery store reps in before shit really hits the fan in late November. It’s like training camp. Learn the offense, figure out where you need to be and when. Know your role and do your job. You can’t be scrambling around this place at 1pm on Thanksgiving afternoon screaming for a stock boy to point you in the direction of the nearest bag of flour. Leave that kid alone. The turkey is coming out of that oven no matter what at 2pm and your ass is in the jackpot with Aunt Debbie if you don’t have that gravy ready. So help me god, if you don’t have that gravy ready.
Boy, I’ve really gotten carried away here. But isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Getting carried away. Getting carried away with counting your blessings, getting carried away with your gifting budget, getting carried away with planning your future about that girl you’ve only been on a couple dates with, getting carried away with the joy of the holiday season, getting carried away with the stipulations on Christmas music.
So go ahead and let yourself enjoy this November 1st. The official first day of Christmas Music Season..
Image via katz / Shutterstock.com