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I don’t condone snitching, but something had to give.
Here’s the short of the long: the maintenance crew needed to come into our condo unit to do some pipe maintenance. Fair enough. A note was on our door a few days in advance reading, “we will be in your unit 11/7 and 11/8 for pipe maintenance.” Ok, fair enough. I understand all condos need maintenance. But, then I kept reading to the next paragraph. The verbiage read “we will be in your unit until the project is complete.” “Until the project is complete,” what in the hell is this college try bullshit? “Do you not have some sort of timeline?” Whatever, they’ll just be here when I’m at work, or so I thought.
Fast forward to 11/9 and I’m returning around 9 p.m. from a long day of living the fucking dream. Thinking I’m going to light a candle, pour me a tall boy of Bordeaux and sit in my bathtub contemplating everything in my life, I walk in the door to see three grown ass men still in my unit, but not really doing a whole lot of pipe fixing. They’re not even apologetic about it. Actually, they were having fun and joking around. Just shooting the shit like old friends do at Thanksgiving and Christmas. “What the fuck” I think to myself. Not being one for unnecessary confrontation, I say, “hey guys I didn’t know you’d be in here. When do you think you will be done?” Getting stares like I’m not the person who pays rent to live there, the building “engineer” (handyman at best) says he’s not sure and then turns away. Huh, it’s now 9:04 p.m. and I’m confused as to why there are other people besides my roommates in my god damn castle. I go to my room, close the door, and call it a night.
Now it’s 11/10 and again I’m getting home around 9 p.m. Thinking it couldn’t possibly happen again, I walk in to the same three assholes in my hallway, and now I can see they had been in my room. I walk down the hallway without saying a word to them and walk into my room to find half of my closet clothes, dresser, shotgun and other items people keep in closets out in my room and put on my bed. “WHAT. THE. FUCK” would be an understatement. My window is open, stuff moved aside, and a bunch of pipes running out my window. Again, not quite understanding if I’m on a weird HGTV version of Punk’d, I ask politely, “what is going on?” Again, I’m looked at like I don’t pay rent to live in this room and he said again, “not sure man this is taking a little longer than expected but we should be done soon.
Blah blah blah we got our landlord involved and she was pissed to say the least. Feeling advantageous (this is capitalism in the purest form) I recommended she discount our rent for the month. As much as I feel for her that she made a poor investment and can’t sell our place due to the absurdly high condo fees, in the end, I don’t pay you slightly below market average in rent to live with these three assholes (the word asshole was never once used in actual conversation, it’s more for dramatic effect). A little back and forth and boom, only need to pay 1/2 rent for December. Ahhh, sometimes when you pick a battle and you win, it just makes you feel fuckin’ alive again.
Fast forward to Dec 2, 2016 and we are now battling. I think the three assholes got wind of us chatting with our landlord and she is not a quiet lady when it comes to her property’s well being. She apparently camped out in our place from 9-5 for the past few days to supervise and the three assholes did not take well to it. There is now an aggressive game going on that so far, consisting of cheeky pranks and mind-fucks; shenanigans if you will. For one, a porno was ordered on our cable bill. I think I know my guys well enough to know that they prefer watching on the iPad. They also left each one of us a screen door in our bedrooms. Like who the fuck are these guys and how did I get so lucky to fall into their tornado of mediocrity. I have shit to do every day too man; stop being a road bump in my already shaky lifestyle. I’m hanging on by a thread here dammit.
I don’t need this..
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Beat them at their own game. While they are shooting the shit in the living room – turn the porno on in the living room they ordered and allow the awkwardness to ensue. Hell, crack a beer open and see how fast they clear out of there.
At this point it may be worth asking your landlady to escalate this to whoever is in charge of the three construction workers. I would also document and take photos of all of this.
Yes, absolutely document everything. As someone in the property management industry (granted, I’m in commercial because residential is nightmare sauce), you are in for some suck-up/apology gifts (like food or booze) or more discounted rent.
… So are we all ignoring the Mario brother in the stock image?
Start walking around your apartment naked and hitting on the maintenance workers. See how fast the job will get done.
Well that definitely doesn’t sound like the plot of a gay porno.
Well they are there to lay some pipe.
I mean, he never defined what kind of porno they ordered on his behalf.
So you come here often?
Where’s JR? I think he would have some good thoughts on how to handle this.
JR’s been on the run for a few weeks now but he’ll resurface soon
Finally committed that murder?
He doesn’t know what you’re talking about. JR’s an upstanding citizen who has never alluded to murdering anyone.
Fuck those assholes.
My maintenance crew came to fix a leak and water damage on my bathroom ceiling. They replaced the whole ceiling but did nothing about the leak and shockingly enough there is water damage on the ceiling after only 2 weeks
I’m a building engineer. For the record, some people that call themselves a building engineer do nothing but call people on the phone to fix stuff. While others (like myself) went to school and actually use their hands for much more than being a handyman. Now that that’s out of the way…
These dudes, including your building engineer, are fucking boners. I have never worked in the residential side of things, but even in an office setting when you have to move someone else’s stuff, you have them do it. Politely explain that you need access to the area and that they need to move anything they don’t want damaged. Like any job, communication is key in building maintenance. These dudes dropped the ball, and now they’re mad they got called out. Fuck ’em. If they work for a reputable company their supervisor will go apeshit.
Put that shottie to good use
I’ve actually had the issue of my gun being touched/moved by people and I remedied the situation by telling them “You don’t know what I use this gun for and if you did you damn sure wouldn’t want your fingerprints on it.” Solved that problem right away.
I don’t see a problem with them moving stuff around to get to pipes. I’ve been in the maintenance guy’s shoes here, and while awkward, it has to be done in some situations when working inside a residential home. As for the porn and screen doors, well… snitches get stitches home boy.
You also copied someone’s name which is bullshit.
Thanks for having my back, Rico.
Didn’t know, my bad. Bye forever.
I would never copy your name, I have too much respect for you, Rico.
Thanks. I’d never copy yours because of A) Respect and B) Then I’d have to be homeless.
As a homeowner I’ve had plumbers cut access panels in walls and ceilings, move stuff around, be in my closets, etc. but they’re not assholes about it. You’re missing the difference with these three guys.
The only thing missed was my whiffed attempt at sarcasm. Obviously these goons are not your typical characters.