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Throughout history, men of distinction, honor, education and virility have all worn facial hair. It is a defining characteristic of the masculine.
It’s pretty obvious to see why. Women do not grow facial hair. Boys do not grow facial hair. Therefore, one who does grow facial hair is neither feminine nor childish. The hormones that contribute to beard growth are supported and work in tandem with testosterone production, meaning that the more pumped full of testosterone you are, the burlier your beard can get.
Think about history’s all-time biggest swinging dicks. King Leonidas, Jesus Christ, Ghengis Kahn, Edward Teach, Obi-wan Kenobi. All of them bearded. Have you ever seen a painting where God is cleanly shaven? No. You have not. Because even if you’re all-powerful and can appear in any form you choose and shaving wouldn’t be a hassle for you, you don’t shave your awesome beard. He isn’t a bitch like that.
What I’m getting at is this: I maintain a luxurious beard, and yes, that makes me better than you.
When all boys are going through puberty, there are three things we all dream about doing. In no particular order, those things are having sex, driving, and growing facial hair. Dissimilar to everything else we thought at age 13, we were 100% spot on with how awesome those three things turned out to be.
So how luxurious are we talking? We’re talking shampooed, conditioned, brushed and blow-dried. This shit is soft as fuck. It conducts static electricity like a fleece blanket. It gets mistaken for heaven’s clouds by tiny angels all the time.
We’re talking beard-oil-spokesman levels of beard perfection.
Bask in the glory.
Now it doesn’t just have to be beards. I’m a fan of everything. Mutton Chops, Fu Manchus, Van Dykes, Balbos, Anchors, the works. If you’re making it grow out of your face, it’s all good.
If for some ungodly reason you’re forced to shave, like I dunno, you’re playing a high schooler in a show for the CW or you have a beard in that picture of you they have up at the post office, then that’s a bummer and I suggest you look into a new line of work. If you shave continuously for fear that your facial hair is thin and patchy, I have nothing but sympathy for you. The same sympathy I assume LeBron James has for humans genetically inferior to him.
Otherwise, grow a brain. And a beard. .
Respond
Icehouse
International sailing champion and friend to most wolves. Except Larry, he knows what he did.
@PJHart
@hart__attack
pjhart84
Can I grow a beard? No. Do I call them facial crutches for ugly people? Yes. Only a little jealous of that ability.
As a wildly attractive man with a beard I’m going to have to take issue with your assertion
I see the haters have arrived B)
As a fellow beard guy I can say that I agree with this.
+1
Psychologically, facial hair diminishes your ability to sell. So if you’re trying to close deals, buy a razor.
Unless you’re selling sex, then you’ll sell with a beard.
Are beards the new jacked up truck? Idk. I have a homeless man scraggly beard when I grow it out. It lets people know that i still have years of potential growth left in the tank. Once you can grow a full beard like Gandalf, that’s it. Your life is basically over. Your body starts to diminish the hair on your head and then you’re left with a nice way to cover up an alcoholic double chin because life basically sucks pretty much once you reach the age of like 27 and if you’re not an alcoholic by that age then you’re just ignorant to the events of the world. Dick beards are the new wave for 2018-2025 because every dude is gonna be too busy trying to survive lol
that just means you have low T, Dev
Damn, that sucks
As a beard guy, it’s good to see other people are struggling with their small penises.
I bet there is fecal particles stuck in it you cuck.
Well, it IS Ass eating szn
Newsflash: There are fecal particles in everything.