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In the pantheon of Americana, few things stack up to hamburgers. Sandwiched somewhere between baseball and owning foreign-made firearms, eating a hamburger is about as red, white and blue as it gets. Notice I didn’t even say “good” hamburgers. Bad burgers are just as vital to the American experience, whether it’s a frozen burger you thawed out in the microwave or by some unknown tragedy, you find yourself eating at Burger King.
I myself have become a bit of a burger snob. I’ll even spring for the nice buns when making burgers here at home. Not only that, but I keep an ear to the ground for any “best burger” lists that I can come across. Which is how I came across Thrillist’s list of 100 best burgers in America.
Some history: The name “Hamburger” itself comes courtesy of a beef sausage patty sandwich sold in the port of Hamburg, Germany (duh), though amassing ground meat in patties and eating it in some sort of sandwich form dates back to Roman times. The practice was lost, but rekindled by the biggest swinging dick of all humanity’s empires, the Mongols. Steak tartare became popular in Europe after Kublai Khan sacked Moscow in the 1200s.
Several places (all American) claim to have invented the modern hamburger, with differing sources citing its origins in either East Texas, a place with nothing to be proud of, as well as Akron, Ohio (which at least has LeBron James) and New Haven, Connecticut, which is apparently full of liars because the other two predate those guys by like two decades.
Now the criteria for Thrillist’s list (that is annoying as fuck to type or say) is a tad suspect, as the author admits to eating 330 burgers in 30 different cities across the United States. Granted he does visit some towns in the metro areas of some cities (which is how Tookie’s in Seabrook, TX makes it on the list) but I doubt he ventured as far out as Fredericksburg. So why am I writing about a clearly flawed list? Because we’re going to have a headline like “See If Your Favorite Burger Made the List” and you self-important jackasses are going to leave a thousand comments. You’re predictable like that.
So a couple of takeaways: It turns out I’ve had four of these burgers, but I’ve actually been to around ten of the restaurants that make it on the list. Many of burgers come from very high end restaurants, which I found a little odd. The fact that Raoul’s in Tribeca makes it all the way to #2 on the list made me call a few people and shout at them for not telling me they had an off-menu burger. That being said, the guy has clearly done his homework. The Soul Burger at Earnestine & Hazel’s is a deep cut, appreciated only by blackout drunks and other assorted fans of historical prostitution.
See here for the full list. I think I know what I’m getting for lunch..
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Icehouse
International sailing champion and friend to most wolves. Except Larry, he knows what he did.
@PJHart
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pjhart84
Burgers over pizza every single time.
“And it was at that moment that 19th Hole realized he had fallen in love…”
I got to be a judge at a burger cookoff once. Truly amazing day.
That’s peak living right there
If you live in Houston please check out Bellaire Broiler Burger. Fuck what you know and be prepared to have the best burger known to man.
If you want to keep your cardiologist busy, get the triple with triple bacon and jalapeños
That just made me hungry as fuck
From one Houstonian to another Houstonian, what other places would you suggest?
For burgers?
1. Bellaire Broiler Burger
2. Hopdoddy (not exclusive to Houston but so damn good. They just opened one in Rice Village)
3. Hay Merchant
I mention Tookie’s in Seabrook.
Tookie’s is very good.
I have never regretted a burger at a non-fast food establishment. Love the consistency of this dish.
Seconded^ also you can’t beat the feeling of firing up the grill on a Saturday in the summer and cooking em yourself
dead surprised that Vortex in ATL didn’t make this list
Vortex is the truth. Bocado is also excellent. Much more of a traditional burger, no frills, but a 10/10.
Their sausage gravy tater-tots are nothing short of miraculous.
Vortex is amazing. I was sad when they got rid of the crazy shot list though.
I’ve been to a few of those places, good places. But none of them are as good as Chris Madrid’s on Hollywood & Blanco in San Antonio. How is that not on the list
Probably because he didn’t go there
Best burger I ever had: The Players Club in Raleigh. The place is the penultimate hole in the wall college bar. A tear actually fell down my cheek while eating the second bite.
Penultimate: (adj) last but one in a series of things
Au Cheval does change your life, guy is correct
it better be with how long you wait for a table
Not including Kuma’s Corner in Chicago is upsetting
One of the most overrated Chicago things imo.
3 places from Milwaukee made the list, the highest being Kopp’s, which is appropriate. Anyone trying to tell me AJ Bombers deserves to be on that list can fuck right off.