I Found My mp3 Player From 2009 And Good God I Sucked


Everyone knows that feeling when you come across something that had been lost or put away for so long, you had completely forgotten it existed. For example: an old set of VHS tapes packed away in a box in your parent’s attic, or a $5 bill in the pocket of that suit coat you hadn’t worn since last summer. Well the other day I stumbled across an old mp3 player. With today’s cell phones and the advancement of music streaming services, it is becoming uncommon to use a traditional mp3 player for music as was the status quo throughout middle school and high school. This gem I found had not been used in a solid 8 years, but was still in good shape so I plugged it in to discover that it was also still functional. Much to my pleasure, I have rediscovered the magic of my touch screen, 16MB Zune. Even back then I wasn’t down with Apple products.

As I cycled through the playlists that I had made for different events, I couldn’t help but laugh at how truly terrible the playlists were. Thankfully I have a useful college degree because I never would have made it as a DJ. Frozen in time, this mp3 player paints a very lucid picture of the musical taste of a much younger. Here are some highlights in a few of the playlists.

Playlist: Country

Big Green Tractor: Jason Aldean
I definitely only had this in there because it was my ex-girlfriend’s favorite song at the time. I didn’t even so much as get my dick touched in the 6 months we dated and Jason Aldean sucks so this was a disappointing song to find in the queue.

Pickup Man: Joe Diffie
Not a terrible song, but I didn’t, and still haven’t, owned a pickup truck so it is kind of ironic.

Rain is A Good Thing: Luke Bryan
Okay, so maybe Jason Aldean being in there wasn’t a mistake. Something was clearly wrong with me back then. Was it in there for all the women I was hoping would come prance around our front yard in bikini tops? I sure hope so.

Playlist: Hip Hop

Let My Beat Pound: T.I.
Is he still in jail? I feel like his career has really been short-changed as a result of him being hard AF.

I’ll Still Kill: 50 Cent ft. Akon
Okay, this had to be included this one because this song is an all-time banger IMO. Plus, in case you didn’t know, Akon is a fucking good dude who recently started his own organization Akon Lighting Africa which is aimed to provide electricity to 14 different countries in Africa utilizing solar energy. Wish he’d come back to music part time though.

Get Silly: Soulja Boy
A much lesser known song by the one-hit-wonder, this song is fucking terrible. I just tried listening to it and had to stop it 64 seconds into it.

Playlist: Basement

Caribou Lou: Tech N9ne
Are you really in college if you don’t have this on your playlist for the basement of your fraternity house? “Make baby girl come…out of her shell and raise hell don’t stop till the cops come.”

Toxicity: System of a Down
Alright, so it’s a different approach than the first song. Must be a playlist to appeal to every crowd.

God Bless The U.S.A.: Lee Greenwood
So the playlist doesn’t jive whatsoever. I don’t give a shit though because this is patriotic as fuck!

Playlist: Pumped Up

Lose Yourself: Eminem
Because of course this song is in a workout playlist. Back when I could still bench more than my body weight and thought muscles got all the ladies, my boy (and every other white kid’s boy) Marshall Mathers got it done for me at the rec.

Let The Bodies Hit The Floor: Drowning Pool
I couldn’t be more stereotypical if I tried.

The Entire Rocky 3 and Rocky 4 Sound Track
Let’s be honest – if you don’t have at least one song from a Rocky movie on your workout playlist than you are fundamentally wrong. I just happened to have every single song from his montages on the playlist. It still works though, because I happen to be training for a 10k. After mile 1, “Eye of The Tiger” came on and I kicked it into higher gear. After mile 2, “Burning Heart” queued in and I felt getting off the treadmill to go chop a cord or run up a snow covered mountain. Unfortunately, after mile 4 “There’s No Easy Way Out” began playing and I saw the symbolism but chose to challenge that title’s logic by calling it quits.

Whatever you do, don’t give me the aux cord. I’m clearly not capable.

What’s the best thing you’ve found sorting through old junk or came across doing some thorough cleaning?

Image via Shutterstock

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Mainer born and raised. Boston sports. Miller Lites. Let's get drunk and eat chicken fingers..

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