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For a lot of my life, I viewed college as an in-between step, a middle ground, if you will. It was a pit stop, a no man’s land, a waste of time. To me, college was the place you went to find your husband. It was the stepping stone from your parents’ house to your husband’s house. Nothing more, nothing less.
This backward and archaic opinion is through no fault but my own and is certainly not a reflection of my raising. My parents, both very educated people, pushed education and self-fulfillment upon my siblings and me. We were taught to be ambitious and to succeed in life. We were not taught to take the backseat or play second fiddle. We were not taught to settle.
I can’t exactly pin point where this mindset came from, but regardless, I had it, and when my very serious boyfriend broke up with me my senior year of college, I was destroyed. My world as I knew it came crashing down around me and I didn’t even know where to begin picking up the pieces. I was lost. I had assumed that we would get married after graduation and I would follow him to his military base. I’d forget about the classes I had taken, my thesis, and any career ambitions. I’d leave my diploma to collect dust in the attic and my college photos in a box at my parent’s house. I’d lose my last name and my identity all at the ripe old age of 21. But that didn’t happen. And thank God it didn’t. A month after my obligatory cap and gown pictures, I moved from D.C. to Florida to work on the presidential campaign. And I never looked back.
Through the devastation, I rebuilt. I found that I love working. I recognized that I’m independent. I finally realized that I am fully capable of taking care of myself. And you know what? I really love my last name. I’m not ready to get married. I’m not looking to be someone’s wife. Maybe someday I’ll want children, but that day is not today. I recognize that stay at home moms have the hardest job in the world, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be one. For years and years, I thought that all I wanted was to be someone’s wife. But now, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
1. I’m Educated
I don’t mean this in an egotistical or self-important way, and I recognize that many people (women especially) feel uncomfortable acknowledging their own strengths, but the fact of the matter is that I’m intelligent. I went to a good college. I watch the news and read the paper and I’m knowledgeable in current events. I don’t want to spend my days vacuuming and dusting to the sound of Kathie Lee and Hoda in the background; I want to discuss global issues with my coworkers, not Barney with a 3-year-old.
2. I Enjoy Working
Sure, waking up early sucks some days and there are times when my boss irritates the hell out of me. I don’t always enjoy my commute and every now and then I want to bash my head against my desk. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love working. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t give me great fulfillment. That doesn’t mean that I would rather not be working. I wake up every day and know that I am going to accomplish something. I am going to push myself, I am going to test my limits, I am going to create something. I’m going to feel fulfilled. And only I can make that happen.
3. I’m Independent
It took me a long time to realize that my happiness doesn’t depend on another person. But the wait was worth the realization and understanding that I am truly capable of being my own person. I don’t need someone to fulfill me and I certainly don’t need someone to support me financially. I get great satisfaction from paying my own bills and being on my own. I make my money and I get to spend it however I see fit. I pay for my apartment, I pay for my car, and if I want to treat myself to a pair of designer heels, there’s no one to tell me I can’t. I’m responsible for myself. And I like it that way.
4. I’m Not Ready For Children
A lot of my friends are having babies, and I’m truly happy for them. But I’m not ready for that yet. I enjoy going to happy hours after work and not having to worry about getting home to relieve the babysitter. I like that I can spend money on vacations rather than childcare. I enjoy staying up late watching reruns of The Office and not because I’m desperately trying to put down a teething two-year-old. I want to care about myself. I want to be selfish. I want to drink too many Margaritas on Friday and stay in bed all day Saturday. I want to spend the day at work without worrying about a call from school or finishing my project in time for Little League. I want to be a young professional. I want to concentrate on myself.
5. It Wouldn’t Make Me Happy
I’m at the age where a lot of my friends are getting married and having babies. And that’s wonderful for them – if that is truly what they want. But I know a lot of girls with advanced degrees who are going to Mommy and Me Yoga by day and crying themselves to sleep at night. Do some women love being stay at home moms? Absolutely. I was raised by one and I love her for it. My mom was hands on, involved with our schools, and coached our Little League Games. It made her happy. But it doesn’t make everyone happy. I fear that a lot of women I know are letting their degrees gather dust because they feel it is what society expects from them. They’re putting their own happiness on hold for the sake of their husband’s or their parents’ or society’s and that is wrong. I know that being a housewife would not make me happy, at least right now, and so it is not something I am seeking. I love my life. I’m happy. I enjoy being independent and I absolutely love working. I don’t want to be a housewife. And that’s okay.
Respond
Catie Warren
Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
This reads like lyrics to a Taylor Swift song.
I don’t click the uparrow often, but when I do it’s for shit like this.
This reads like the lyrics to a Webbie song
“I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that mean? She got her own house, drive her own whip, Range Rover all white like her toe tips”
Don’t worry tinder will find you the perfect husband soon!
How am I not surprised you wrote this.
The mindset came when you starting reading TFM and TSM.
This is the most pathetic “article” I’ve ever read. I can’t believe I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading it, and now I’m wasting even more of my life responding to it.
First of all, good for you for figuring out what’s most important to you at this point in your life. Get you some, girl. But while you turn your petty little nose up at us “housewives” and make snotty assumptions on a lifestyle in which you have no experience, I’m going to assume that while you lay in bed all day Saturday you’re wishing you had a quality individual next to you.
You claim that you have respect for your mother for staying home with you, however you are blatantly DISrespecting and devaluing every moment she spent banging her head against the wall raising someone as insensitive as you.
What century are you living in, woman? You are quintessentially everything that is wrong with female empowerment, which you probably believe you should be the posterchild for. You just publicly shamed every mother who has made the tough decision to stay home with their child(ren). Obviously you spent no time researching possible reasons as to why some people choose, or not choose, to do this.
“I wake up every day and know that I am going to accomplish something. I am going to push myself, I am going to test my limits, I am going to create something. I’m going to feel fulfilled. And only I can make that happen.”
Guess what asshole, I am a stay at home mom right now and I push myself to the limit everyday and I’m fucking filled to the brim with joy. And guess what, I stay up late and watch TV! And I’m edcuated, and I’ve been in the workforce! And I have cocktails with my friends! And I read the news too! Yay! And you know what else, you haven’t created shit. We “housewives” have created life, and many of us are working our fingers to the bone to ensure we don’t raise self entitled assholes. That being said, as God as my witness, I’ll throw myself off a bridge before I raise an insensitive, elitist child like you.
Thanks and Gig ‘Em.
solid message. I know that im not the only guy out there that is looking for a female partner with these types of values. Dont sell yourself short women of america, it is entirely possible to have a successful career and marriage/family.
The educated part is definitely important. A guy with a hot girl will eventually get tired of looking at her. A guy with a smart girl will never run out of things to talk about. And supposedly couples talk outside of college?
“Educated” with a degree in communications, common girl, who you kidding?
I was not a communications major, but I do know a lot of girls who were and they all have wonderful jobs now.
Define “wonderful.”
No, they don’t.
Catie makes all her arguments valid.
I was a mass communications major and I’ve never had any issues with finding great employment opportunities. I was hired two weeks after graduating college with a communications degree. That’s a lot better than many of you on this site.
Well said. #girlpower
Define great opportunity… I haven’t met a single com major pulling the paycheck necessary to buy a house and live comfortably here. In essence, they all seem to have what I call stopgap jobs, not careers, that serve to pass the time before Mr. Right comes along.
I’m a communications analyst for the largest gas and utilities provider in the state of Maryland. They pay me pretty damn well for someone who’s only 24. I’ve held previous positions for the government and government contractors.
I can purchase a house if I want to but I choose not to. Additionally, the cost of living in the state of Maryland is much higher in comparison to southern states. I live a very comfortable life at the moment. I don’t need Mr. Right. Besides, I’m more of a Mr. Right Now kind of girl anyway.
“Catie makes all her arguments valid.”
I’m being absolutely sincere when I ask: Is English your second language?
I’m from Annapolis, MD – I assure you that you aren’t buying a house outside of Dundalk as BGE communications analyst.
I’m also nervous if you’re analyzing non-verbal means of communication if your writing on this page is demonstrative of your skills.
I was a communications major and have been employed full-time in my career field since I graduated from college a year early. However, I had a marketing minor and a heavy concentration in agriculture, particularly animal science.
My current position is in marketing for an animal (livestock) nutrition company and I have a wide range of responsibilities from advertising to PR and communications. If I wanted to, I could buy a house and be just fine. I’d rather not make that kind of commitment in my current city so I rent.
I can understand why comm majors get that reputation, and I often struggled with the fact that I was taking an “easy” major myself (it’s not easy if you want to actually do well and succeed) but then again I work in the science based field of agriculture.
The very reason that you think anyone on the internet would be interested in your personal qualms with being a housewife is precisely the reason you don’t need to worry about that becoming a reality.
” I went to a good college. I watch the news and read the paper and I’m knowledgeable in current events”
You forgot “and I write sentences like a struggling middle school student”
So you went to college AND you read the newspaper – congratulations on being a white person in America.
Is that first part of your comment supposed to be an insult or compliment? I know plenty of women who would relate to this.
Use the context clues – Hopefully you two didn’t sit next to each other in English 101
Calm down. You seem angry, case of the Mondays? Also I don’t see how not being “housewife material” at the moment is supposed to be an insult is my point.
Also I took AP English, I did not take any English classes in college let alone 101. Keep being mad about smart girls.
Also.
It shows. You’re dellusional if you think you know how to write after any highschool English class. It’s kind of like me saying, I took AP physics, so basically I have a BA in it too. Am I right or amiright?
I mean…no. I know how to write well enough to complete my degree, get in to grad school (haven’t actually gone yet)& be a functional, productive member of society. But seriously, who gives a shit how other people write really? just the douche up top.
“in to” = “into”
“But seriously, who gives a shit how other people write really?”
Reads like something that was scribbled on the back of Trapper Keeper.
Who gives a shit about how you write? I’d venture to say everyone you correspond with on a daily basis at your place of employment?
Also, if you weren’t required to take an English class, let alone two, in college then you most assuredly didn’t go to a very good school.
I don’t really get people who went to Big State U, work as a “marketing coordinator” and think that their BA in Communications is license to parade around like they’re fucking Nikola Tesla.
A little research into the character behind my moniker may explain my general disposition.
Blah blah are you my employer? No. Everyone is required to take English comp classes but I got AP credit so I didn’t have to, are you really that dense? Good lord.
Well, if you write poorly you come across as a dumbass, so there’s that, especially when you’re talking about communicating with clients and such.
Good thing I don’t write poorly.
Q: Who still reads the newspaper?
A: old people and hipsters, who do so ironically. Actually more like staring at the newspaper since focusing on anything through fake glasses makes their ironic lil noggins hurt.
I’m white and I don’t read the newspaper
Also, I’d wife her up
You should tell more people that, I’m glad you don’t take these posts too literally though.
Tight, get her in one of your piano bars “one to one” and I bet she’ll go back on all of that “too educated to get married” business.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0SCX-7JiFU
I never said that I was “too educated to get married.” I said that I enjoy working and don’t want to stay at home. There’s a very big difference.