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I try not to get riled up when I get Twitter. It’s the virtual version of a massive garbage dump — a place where idiots, scholars, politicians, celebrities, and anyone else with an internet connection goes to whine and moan about everything under the sun.
If you’re not careful, it’s very easy to find yourself rolling around in the mud with a complete stranger over something as meaningless as what color a dress is or whether or not what Kanye West is tweeting regarding our president is “performance art.”
I don’t get easily excited and I don’t get into a lot of spats. I’m too old – too grizzled from years as a user of Twitter to know that no one really wins in an internet argument. But there are occasions when I need to speak my mind, and tweets like the ones I am about to embed here in this blog are opinions that I simply cannot abide by. These aren’t one-off tweets either. These are tweets that are getting sent out daily and a lot of them are going viral. I’m offended, appalled, and disgusted.
I went ahead and just searched variations of “drinking milk”, “glass of milk”, “drink milk”, etc. on Twitter and these were just a handful of the negative milk tweets I saw. This high-level vitriol for milk is not new, and I apologize for only just noticing it now. It seems as though all of Twitter is in on this massive scheme to delegitimize milk through scathing one-liners.
When it comes to milk (specifically the whole milk variety), I’ll put my war paint and go to bat for them all goddamn day. How millions of people could suddenly flip the script and not like milk is beyond me; it quite literally kept all of us alive as toddlers. I’ve been reading about the rise of fucking roach milk as a healthy alternative to cow milk. It’s unbelievable. The only person I’ve got on my side right now is that psycho Howard Hughes.
Even popular culture has hopped on the hate train. Take It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, for example. Milk is the drink of choice for the creepy, perverted, and incredibly sweaty McPoyle family, clearly a jab at milk drinkers by head writers on the show.
The first thing any of us had as human beings on this Earth was a bottle full of milk, and now we’re out here slandering folks who like to enjoy a glass of whole after a long day at work? Not on my watch. You can take your almond, soy, rice, and flax milks and stick them up your ass – I’m a whole milk boy through and through.
Some prefer 2% and I can understand that if you’re watching your weight. Not everyone can be on the 24-hour whole milk diet like me. Skim is for someone who just wants a glass of water and I can’t in good conscience defend that, but I ask you again – what is so wrong or strange about pouring yourself a glass of milk?
It’s no different than having a glass of orange juice and if you’re into whole milk, the creamy, thick liquid is as close as you can get to having a milkshake and everyone loves those. This needs to stop. As an internet collective, we need to focus our hate on something else because milk is not the enemy. .
Image via Youtube
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
I’ve had people tell me “we’re the only species to drink milk after we mature,” and “we’re the only species to drink the milk of another animal.” But we’re also the only species to make it to the moon, so maybe others should catch on.
Joe Rogan’s take on milk was spot on to that argument.
*Ding!*
Gang gang gang
Need link
Type Joe Rogan and mile in youtube?
#milkboisunite
Yeah I hate the argument, “we’re the only species to drink milk after we mature” pretty sure any animal would drink milk if it was available. My cats sure as hell don’t turn down a bowl of cow’s milk.
Used to drink a glass of 2% every night with dinner until I was about 26. I have no reason for stopping other than that I moved to Texas, changed my grocery routine, and forgot to keep buying milk. It’s so good.
You switched to soy milk and we all know it.
Will’s a soy boi.
It’s impossible to find regular milk at Whole Foods. You can find anything made with an almond though
Same story here. My wife used to make fun of me when we started dating because I’d put a glass in the freezer an hour before dinner because it made my 2% that much colder. Simpler times, Will.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m from the Midwest or just a psycho, but when I’m hungover, all I want is a giant glass of 2%. It’s cold, hydrating/thirst quenching, and fills up my stomach enough to the point where I just want to go back to sleep.
Also, you dropped the ball not linking Brian’s definitive ranking of milk.
Gotta love that Horizon 2%. People who put ice cubes in their milk are the psychos
This guy gets it
Can’t imagine drinking a glass of milk hungover. My stomach would reject it outright. But do you fam.
Ultimately you would probably feel better letting that devil out anyway. Win-win really.
Brian loved milk
Is this a midwest thing? Because I also definitely do this.
giant glass of 2% on a hangover?!?! pusha T levels of savagery right there
An old roommate of mine used to swear by milk after a night out. He’d just grab the gallon from the fridge, take a couple big pulls, and doze off. Supposedly the milk would coat the stomach before all the alcohol soaked in, foregoing the potential hangover/stomach issues the next morning.
That would make sense. Like how you’re not supposed to take medicine with milk since it coats the stomach and won’t let the medicine soak in.
I too want a giant glass of milk when hungover. With Kahlau and vodka. I want a white russian.
Why is no one talking about how that milk has ice cubes in it?
Is it a Right Coast thing? Friends from that part of the union seem to do it more. Why not just pour some cold water in your milk while you’re at it? Same end game. Wildly disturbing…
Iced milk is the best. Highly recommend
I fucking love milk and no one is gonna make me think that’s weird
Hey guys, apparently some out-of-touch-with-reality politician thinks that pornography is responsible for school shootings which is hilarious because the only shootings that porn is responsible are penis ones after they’ve been milked….that’s a sad hand job joke, guys. I’ll be here all day in case you want more dope ass jokes or whatever lol
Chocolate milk >>>> all other kinds of milk
I like my women how I like my milk. Rich, white and 2% fat.
I’m prepared to get downvoted for this but less than half the adult population has the ability to digest milk. Most people’s bodies stop producing lactase early in childhood.
But…ice cream.
That’s what Lactaid is for.
Lactaid is a Godsend.
This is your best take yet.