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I’m usually a pretty committed guy. I don’t back down from a challenge and I always stay pretty determined to finish whatever I start. I am also a pretty big guy. I’m just over 6’7” and currently sitting around 250. Back in the sports ball days, I was eating 4,000-5,000 calories a day but also spending about 5-6 hours a day pushing my body to its physical limits. However, my body just ain’t the same these days, and I can’t run as fast, lift as much, or jump as high as I used to. I’m washed up.
It was at this moment, I realize I ****ed up. pic.twitter.com/5XZsZA8I4e
— Delph (@delph_13) May 30, 2016
As I watched my weight push towards 270 during the winter months, I decided that I probably shouldn’t keep eating everything in sight like I always had my entire life. This may make you hate me, but for as long as I can remember, I actually had a very difficult time gaining weight. I’ve always eaten whatever I wanted, and as much as I wanted. The bliss of my youth had officially departed– I needed to go on a diet.
I did a little research (read: I texted my dad) and decided to do the diet that has always worked for him. My dad is a former college football superstar and overall large human, and sometimes when his pants get tight he just cuts all carbs. I’m talking no bread, no sugar, no sweets, no carbs. This may seem pretty easy, but let me tell you that it is literally hell. I love bread, and giving up bread was harder than possibly anything I have ever done. Along with cutting the carbs, the old man told me to ramp up the protein. Breakfast was a pound of bacon and lunch eggs. Lunch was pepperoni and a lot of cheese. Dinner was sometimes more bacon and eggs and sometimes just a shit ton of chicken. Ya boi was eatin’.
It was easy for about a week or two, but then I just didn’t poop. Like, at all. Cutting carbs is great, but then you realize in doing so, you also cut all your fiber. How the hell was I going to lose weight if I couldn’t even shit? So I added broccoli and some other fiber to the diet. Kinda helped, kinda didn’t. On top of this, this diet required a lot of cooking. The only thing I could really get on the run was Chick-Fil-A nuggets, and even those get old after a while. Since I spent my whole winter coaching basketball, I needed some convenient meals.
Slowly I caved into eating some carbs before 2:00 in the afternoon, then before 6:00 in the evening, then just whenever, trying to do so in small amounts. All the cheese I was eating was backing me up to dangerous levels. I missed bread and potatoes so much. Finally, after I had lost about 20 pounds, I quit. I gave up. I was done. Peace out, Girl Scout. L8r alligator. I’m out.
Dear diet, it’s not you. It’s not you at all. It’s 100% me. It’s all me. You’re just not any fun. There are so many things out there that make me so much happier than you. I want to be free. I want to make late-night Taco Bell runs. I want to eat half a box of Oreos right before bed. I want to stuff my face with Texas Roadhouse rolls. I want to eat whatever the hell I want.
I’m back where I feel comfortable, my girlfriend won’t break up with me (hopefully) unless I really get fat, and I’m happy. Sorry not sorry, but I quit..
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@delph_13
@gdelph13
gdelph
Being 6’7/250 and not being able to dunk easily makes you a waste of space.
My dad’s been calling me that since I was a child.
Damn my bad. Well at least people probably assume you have a huge dong
Sounds like a good guy. I like him already
Pro tip: Don’t go on diets, just eat healthy on a regular basis.
Cube-A-Saurus is right, changing your eating habits takes time but then becomes easy and is best long run. Also the completely cutting carbs out of your diet is always bound to fail, your body needs carbs but in the form of whole grains and not stuffing your face every meal. Also the whole eggs and bacon every meal probably destroyed your cholesterol levels and is just generally unhealthy. Basically, I’m saying you fucked up your diet at every turn.
Another pro-tip: No more soda/juice–only water. Probably one of the easiest ways to cut calories. Also workout every day, even if it’s only for 20 minutes. Soon your body will become accustomed to it and you will even begin to feel “sick” on the days that you don’t workout.
Also light beer instead of dark beer. Except dark beer has far more anti-oxidants, so maybe choose your poison carefully? Or just have 1 of each.
Good suggestion. I’ve long wondered how many Americans actually consumer their daily suggested caloric intake in the form of drinks.
I pretty much drink water all day, dark beer and spirits at night. Hydration is huge for feel good. I enjoy soda, but I drink maybe a few cans a month. And the 8 ounce cans are fantastic, just enough, not too much.
gross
Being overweight, gross.
damn the body shaming is real
Being in decent shape pays dividends.
I’m not disagreeing with you Cube but I am also not overweight.
Lol good one mayonnaise tits
I can’t keep any diet that cuts out booze and coffee, which are usually the first things to go on popular diets. I just don’t eat when I know I’m going to drink a lot. I’ve said the words, “Drinking beer is like eating bread. I’m fine.” on more than one occasion.
Black coffee is fine, it’s got no calories or anything in it (except some potassium), it only becomes an issue when you add creamer and sugar and caramel syrup into it.
Yeah, but all the hippie diets, cleanses, juice fasts, etc. these days tell you to cut out caffeine. I drink it black or with just a splash of cream (if it’s terrible coffee to start out with).
I used to be a fat fuck but now I’m not and its much more fun this way
Cutting carbs to a minimum? Sure, no problem. Wait, beer has carbs. Hahaha, nope. Carbs are love.
I think there’s a pretty fat line between no carbs and 1/2 a bag of Oreos at 9:45, Delph. You got this man! (Says the guy who recently rejoined the gym to stop being such a lard ass.)
The key is to eat 5-6 times a day, keeping the calories around the same each time, and having them add up to what you need at your size/weight. For me that around 5 meals of 300-400 calories. The beauty is that if you overeat, you’re going to hate yourself three hours later. Do this for a few weeks and you’ll feel great, be at a good weight, and not know how you did it any differently.
Former college athlete here as well. I enjoy doing my own cooking, haven’t eaten any fast food in many years, and try to avoid processed/highly processed food. Eat real foods, of all types. Don’t limit foods, limit calories. Oh…and stop eating meat. I’ll eat a deer I shoot, but other than that, I have no interest in meat. Grew up eating it every dinner, but now just can’t be bothered. Just not interested. Having two dogs that go fucking nuts around meat also helps, not worth the hassle.
The whole “stop eating meat” was probably the stupidest piece of advice here. If you advocate that, it means you’re not very familiar with nutritional value of certain meats, i.e. chicken. No other foods can equal the high protein-low fat ratio of lean meats.
Were you on a Keto diet? That sounds awful
Yeah I’m interested in that inc0me
Katie159 thirsty af for that Delph dong.