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Let this be a lesson to all of you. I hope none of you are walking around today thinking that hard work, preparation and confidence will ever pay off. It’s important that you understand that the man or woman who holds the purse strings at your company will never let you get your fair share. Instead, he or she will tell you kindly fuck yourself right out of their office and get back to your keyboard.
Here’s why I have such a nihilistic view of the world today. I asked my boss for a raise and got shut the fuck down. The following is a list of clichés I heard come out of my boss’s mouth after I showed him that I’m making 14% less than the average person with my level of experience in my market:
“Do these numbers take into account all your perks and benefits?”
“I have people coming into my office every day asking me for more money”
“If I gave everyone a 14% raise, this company would go bankrupt”
“The company isn’t doing as well most people think.”
“I’ll have to take a look at these numbers and get back to you.”
Shaking my damn head. I came in hot this morning too, only to get hit with a litany of clichés. I woke up early, squealed my car into the parking lot and walked in rehearsing my lines in my head. I strolled into his office with a casual knock on his open door and asked him if he had a second to chat. After exchanging pleasantries, I explained to him why I didn’t feel the 3% raise he’d just given me was adequate, and why I felt that I should earn at least the same as the market average. Boy, did that ever not work.
After denying my request to be treated average, he told me that I should have come in and said, “What do I have to do to be able to earn more.” I didn’t express this sentiment to him, but fuck that. Why should I have to do more to earn an average salary? God damn. I have no regrets, but I was really hoping to strut out of work today like I was lugging around a 10” dick.
Anyway, we ended the meeting on mediocre terms and I’m back at my desk right now. Luckily, I’m the only person in my position at the company, so I’m not worried about getting canned. I emailed him my research on average salaries as he requested, and we’ll see what happens..