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On this week’s ep of the
The Guy Who’s Been In A Relationship Since Before Dating Apps
And yet he still hasn’t put a ring on it. What a catch.
The Girl Who’s A Podcast Host that Needs to Remain Anonymous So She Doesn’t Lose Her Job
Her job frowns upon her writing dick jokes and discussing masturbation on the side.
The Guy Who Married Young And Who Doesn’t Understand Bumble
Just seeing what’s out there. Just checkin’ it out.
The Girl Who Once Went Semi-Viral With Her Tinder Description And Now Refuses To Ever Change It
Once you go (sort of) viral, you never go back.
The Guy Who Has Been Described As A Project By Multiple Women
He’s kind of like that room you keep saying you want to paint, but never actually do.
The Girl Who Might Sleep With You But Probably Won’t Date You
She definitely won’t date you if her dogs aren’t into you.
The Guy Who’s Clearly Cheating On His Girlfriend
Ignore the fact that he’s clearly cropped his girlfriend out of his pics.
The Girl Whose Only Here for The Self-Confidence Boost
She’s not going to message you back, but thanks for the match.
The Guy Who’s Just Clearly Had It
Looks good on paper.
The Guy Who Has A Dog
He’s a blogger.
The Guy Who’s A Single Dad With No Free Time
I think we all know that I would totes swipe right here.
If you’re a listener, you know that we give each of the Bumble profiles submitted a letter grade – and now it’s your turn. How did we do? Give us a letter grade in the comments. And given there’s not a brunch, wine, or bean picture in sight, we better score well.
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Every single one of these is better than the Bumble profiles you encounter in real life.
“Live. Laugh. Love.”
“I love to laugh and have fun.”
“I’m just here on this dating app to meet friends because I’m stupid and don’t think rules apply to me.”
^That last kind of person is the WORST. Do you really think you’re going to make friends by messaging horny strangers who swiped right because they would have sex with you?
Also “something about travels and adventure”
100% agree
Where Duda?
and sup Jenna??
The headline was “favorite PGP writers”
Damn. I shouldn’t be on here then.
Italy.
Vaca pics would have made his hypothetical bumble profile even better.
True. If I’m in Italy like he is, I’m pretty much scheduling out photoshoots solely for Bumble.
While sipping rosé.
@Quinn Sup
I never realized how much Nick looks like Ruxin/10
I usually get the guy from New Girl, but I’ll take it.
Did anybody else think Charlie looked like a different person in every one of his pictures?
Just a part of building the mystery
No idea what you actually look like. At this point I assume you are a shape shifter.
In my mind Charlie was like 6’2″
Charlie is basically Jaqen H’ghar. A man has no face
Can I just say this is one of the all time greatest days on content history?
Bumble is inactive but my DMs are forever. <3
Shout out to Jenna for doing all the hard work and putting these together!
10/10 would swipe right on Jenna and I’ve never seen her face.
I’m disappointed by how many of these don’t have the full six pictures.. that is literally Jenna’s first rule.
But loved the content especially Quinn’s
Since I’ve written like 2.5 articles on here in the last 4 years, here we go:
“I’m actually pretty beautiful in the outside, on the inside well, you’ll just have to find out now won’t you hehe (or some dumb shit like that). To cut to the chase I have a pretty solid life insurance policy brewing so if you sex me nightly and let me go off the rails a few times a year without trying to give me “the talk”, I’ll make you the beneficiary before you subsequently conspire that have your ex bf that I already know you still talk to everyday kill me to try and make it seem like you had nothing to do with it”
*insert Celine Dione song chorus quote*
*pineapple and Capricorn sign emoji*