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It’s hard to believe it, but on top of being in the prime wedding era and at the blooming stages of everyone reproducing, people my age have now been graduated from high school for 10 years. Recently, I got a taste of my first high school reunion by getting dragged to my wife’s 10-year. I imagine these things are a bit easier when they are yours and if you still keep touch with a few of your old high school crowd. My wife grew up in another state four hours away and only talks to one person she graduated with. I found myself asking “Why are we even going to this thing?”
Then I remembered that the only reason anyone ever goes to high school reunions is to size up all of the degenerates you graduated with and inflate your self-confidence when you see how shitty so-and-so looks. Having been subjected to this nonsense, I feel compelled to give the people a couple of tips to surviving one of these events.
You will be making a lot of small talk. Probably too much small talk. If you’re like me and hate doing that, it can get very old, very fast. I had a short blurb about what my company did, my role in said company, and one current event about my me and my wife. Maybe a minute thirty to rattle that off and then I just let them lead the conversation. After all, I was in their territory. It was their job to entertain me. This became increasingly easier to get through as the night got later because, well, alcohol.
Find a Fellow Suffering Soul
While making the rounds with your significant other, you will be introduced to dozens of people who you more than likely have no vested interest in nor any desire to further a relationship with outside of this evening. It is important at this junction to target one person who you meet that you can hit up later in line at the bar. This person should look just as out of place as you and should have an equal disapproval for the current situation. Misery loves company. They key to this is to suffer together and talk about anything you can to fill the time. This puts off the vibe that you are outgoing for having a continued conversation with a complete stranger, and your significant other will appreciate that you are not constantly hovering over them.
You never want to be the guy who makes several trips up to the buffet. Especially not in a social setting where everyone is only there to judge the rest of the crowd. I saw a dude make four trips up there and then have dessert on top of that. Not a good look, chief.
Again, don’t overindulge. You never want to be the person no one knows who’s making an absolute fool out of himself. The attendees will hate you, and your significant other will hate you because you made them look bad. Button up and hold your liquor.
Enable the Nostalgia
Everyone is flying high on the nostalgia at this thing because ultimately, the past is all people have in common at these things. Poke and prod to find out how the person knows your SO. You may hear some interesting stories about your other-half that they may have not divulged to you. This is ammunition that can and will be used in your relationship. All is fair in love and war.
It’s very important to make everyone feel good about themselves at this event because after all, that is why they are there in the first place. Compliment the venue so that the planning committee gets word they did a competent job at selecting a location. Compliment the food for the same reason. Admire that so and so can manage to somehow get a night off after kid #3 was delivered a couple of months ago. Such and such should be praised for the paper they had published recently as part of their doctorate program. It’s all about ass-kissing because when you are driving home, your other half will be very pleased that all of her fellow ’07 graduates think you are “very nice.” And if this whole thing wasn’t to get laid, then what was it all about?.