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You probably love your parents. They took care of you when you were a useless little human and did their best to make sure that you didn’t run into traffic or set yourself on fire. Thanks to them, you’re right here consuming content, safe and sound.
Now that we’ve acknowledged these people for keeping you from falling down a well or something, we also need to accept that they were also almost completely full of shit. From Santa bringing you gifts for being good, to telling you that your childhood dog is hanging out in dog heaven, to convincing you that you deserved that trophy for your “participation” on the tee-ball team that didn’t keep score (everyone knew who won, by the way).
You see, your parents were part of a generation that thought they were the most important group in the history of humanity: the Baby Boomers. The post-WWII fuckfest created a huge wave of people who knew nothing but praise and prosperity. This led to the creation of the generation that everyone loves to hate: the millennials. The Boomers took all of their self-righteousness, narcissism, and an overwhelming sense of entitlement and graciously handed it to you in the form of undeserved praise and harsh notes to your 3rd-grade teacher for not being nice enough to you.
Yes, I get that I sound like a dick, so let me take a moment to say that this is all well-intentioned and remind you that your mommy and daddy probably love you dearly. That’s kind of the point. They didn’t know they were full of shit. They never stood a chance. They wanted the best for you and just took it a little too far with the soft-talk and breakfast cereal for dinner.
So now what?
In my experience as a recovering entitled douchebag, I’ve picked up a few tricks that might help you break away from the confines of your current fuckery.
1. Accept that you might be acting like an asshole.
Just like any recovery, you first need to accept that there’s an issue that needs to be addressed. This is relatively simple, but not necessarily easy. A good start is to reflect on the moments you feel wronged, unacknowledged, or like you deserve a pat on the back for completing a basic task, and ask yourself “Am I acting like an asshole?” This requires that you are actually honest with yourself, which might be the hardest thing you’ll do in your entire life.
Something that helps when it comes to bringing awareness to your perceived actions is called “self-observation.” This is basically imagining that you are watching yourself through the eyes of an observer. This might seem a little creepy, but honestly, your mind has gone to some much weirder places. This shouldn’t be much of a stretch.
To do this, you simply imagine that you are watching the way you are interacting with people and living your life as if you were watching someone else. You’ll start to notice your little patterns and quirks. You’ll see things that remind you of your parents, your friends, and maybe your 3rd-grade teacher. These observations are a mix of funny, intriguing, and annoying. Expect to laugh and get a little frustrated when you realize just how much like your mom you are.
Taking on the role of the observer gives you a little space and in that space, you can catch yourself before you take actions that could lead you down a path of complete douchery. Which brings us to step two…
2. Respond like someone who you would want to be around.
This is essential in creating an environment around you that is supportive of your new-found skillset. With the ability to watch yourself, you can take the opportunity to respond as opposed to react. This difference may seem subtle, so to clarify, reacting is an automatic response based on pre-conditioned patterns whereas responding requires taking in the current situation as an event independent of limiting projections from the past. This is what people refer to as being “present.”
When you get started with this, a powerful question to keep in mind is “would I want to be around someone who is doing this?” That question takes the focus off of your self-righteous rationalization and lets you see how you’re actually engaging with the world around you. This also helps you see what other people see when they see you. This is called empathy and is a performance-enhancing drug for personal and professional relationships.
This might blow your mind, but when you start acting like people who you would want to be around, more and better people want to be around you. It’s fucking crazy. Someone way more spiritual than me once said: “Your perception is your reflection.” This essentially means that the world around you and the way you experience it are determined by the way that you see yourself. Understanding this is a huge step toward making your life your own.
3. Embrace your enhanced view of the world and use this new superpower called “self-awareness” to reflect on the patterns that led you here.
You’ve taken the “red pill” to the Matrix of yourself. Just like when you found out that Santa wasn’t real, it stings a bit, but you are taking a step towards a fuller life by acknowledging and unraveling your self-limiting douchery. You won’t be able to unsee what has been seen through this process. By embracing your non-specialness and leaving behind the ideas that the world owes you something, you can start living a life for you and by you. You might actually end up doing something exceptional with yourself with this attitude.
Remember not to give your parents too much grief for gassing you up when you didn’t deserve it and going heavy on the coddling. They were just doing what they thought would make you suck the least, and now look at you, you’re reading articles and shit. Maybe they didn’t do such a bad job after all.
By releasing the unconscious patterns that you’ve carried through life, you’ll end up with a lot more energy to invest in the relationships, careers, and adventures of your choosing. And the best thing is that you’ll do all of these things as the least fucked up version of yourself possible.
Damn. That might just be the new American Dream. .
Respond
@Girl
I thought this was a Johnny D blog, alas.
should be the top comment
Big Conner busts out of the gates hot.
Dude just drop-kicked the door off it’s hinges with his swinging dick in one hand and a piping hot content bomb in the other. He’s off to a fast start
Brother, that’s the only way to live.
You hire this guy Dave? Shame on you
Conner’s done Touching Base and Supps Dawg podcasts many a time.
I’m not really the hiring type. I live the poddy life and freelance hard AF.
Name checks out.
All dogs go to heaven.
The pope said so
Who do you know here?
My past dogs are 100% in heaven and you best believe I’m playing fetch with them the second I (maybe) get there.
Damn right
Bay area needs this article stapled to every light post.
GTFO
Between this and the mansplaining article…. sheesh.
You guys are the assholes here, not me.
The comment section of this week’s NYC hot take article may have inspired this
I got accused on “whitesplainig” in that war zone and I’m still upset about it. I’m just glad to see people made it out the other side alive
I can’t believe she assumed your race
I’d like to picture us in that comment section as Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys.
Except in reality:
In the electronic store scene.