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It’s a shame when you find out that any cute girl has a boyfriend. It’s ten times worse when you find out the new girl in the office has one. The new girl brings potential into your life. She has potential like Tom Brady has touchdowns: quite a lot. She brings hope that maybe there is a chance you could get something going. She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know your reputation. She doesn’t know you’re an absolutely gross human being who drinks too much on the weekends. The only things she knows is that you created Hawaiian Shirt Thursdays and Friday High Fives at work. No big deal, but it’s kind of a big deal. Many people say don’t dip your pen in the company ink, but if you have the opportunity, cannonball into that shit. You build her up in your mind as someone you can talk to, someone you can picture hanging out with, someone you can picture marrying, someone you can grow old with. You’ve only known her ten minutes, but you can see all these things in your head. You feel like you’ve just won the gold cup in Mario Kart. You even think you have a chance. But that was stupid. Why in the blue hell would you think you had a chance? You would have a better chance beating Grand Theft Auto without any cheat codes.
Like a grenade going off at your feet, she drops it on you. You can feel your legs fall out from underneath you and there is no medic around to help. It’s just you, her, and, God willing, a Bud Light to help ease the pain. You hear the dreaded “B” word and the game is over.
Last night at our work party, I got to talking to the new girl because I was about ten deep and the liquid courage was flowing inside me. We talked for a while and got to know each other. Then she said it. My vision started to get fuzzy. My knees started to get weak. I felt like I was playing Call of Duty and had just been hit with a flash grenade. I didn’t know what to do, so I just walked away right in the middle of the conversation. She was in the middle of telling me a story about her and her boyfriend and I just took off. I actually ran out of the bar. I looked like Will Ferrell in Old School running down the street yelling, and quite possibly sobbing. Not confirmed but confirmed.
Finding out devastating news is tough. Finding out news like this can break you down. This type of news is like finding out your pet fish died and your parents flushed him down the toilet. It’s a tough go, but you just need to power on. You need to accept the fact that the new girl in the office is off limits, and you need to always remember that there will always be another new girl. For now, I guess it’s back to hanging out with my old friend Jill..
Respond
@RPShee
Flash grenade description is accurate
Not limited to coworkers – any time any good looking girl has a boyfriend 🙁
Smoke show co-worker in the desk next to me is banging my boss. We are the same age(25), we talk all day, and this never came up until a happy hour neither the girl or the boss were at. Apparently the entire office knew except me and broke the news to me surprised that I didn’t already know. My boss is a sleazy 45 year old in middle management, and is married. I was devastated.
Are you that upset about it if she’s also sleazy enough to sleep with your boss?
Yes. I’m upset because she’s pretty smart and well spoken. Didn’t think she’d be like that. Caught me off guard. My intent was to throw a few back with her at the office happy hour and then try to hang out outside of the work group with mine or her friends and then go from there. I’m now assuming she’s probably the clubbing type that goes after sugar daddys with bottle service. Disappointing.
I’m popping some corn now, please tell me more.
You put her on a pedestal and became your own worse enemy.
I did put her on the pedestal, and now I’m ashamed of myself. She’s a legitimate bombshell though. If you had to look at her everyday with the constant reminder that she’s banging your boss, it would ruin your day, everyday. He’s this balding slicked-back comb over douche, he’s not wealthy by any means, and he’s married with 3 kids under 10. A complete piece of shit. I can’t even talk to her anymore I’m so repulsed by it.
This has happened to me twice in a row. Well spoken, smart, and sounding humble. And then you hear about how she’s banging someone else for benefits and shit hits the fan. I was always told to find another person to occupy the time spend thinking about this. Things like this have me think there is no real sense of moral in this world.
You could try to get some dirt on them and use it to your advantage or get HR to notice?
She slept with Lumbergh?!
“How to react when you find out your office crush is married”
Quit
Thanks for bringing down my mood today. I know it’s the truth but goddamn. I feel worse now
I’m pretty sure that I beat the first GTA without cheat codes
No you didn’t.
“Yeah but I knew a guy..!”
No you didn’t
“Just ’cause there’s a goalie doesn’t mean-”
*breaks down sobbing*
“Jill” a.k.a. Palmela Handerson
Thanks for clearing that up for us, champ
He brought a new element to the game. Godspeed.