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Growing up, making friends was never something most of us actively worried about. Between school, sports, clubs, and fraternities, the first 22 years of our lives are structured in a way that makes it as easy as possible to meet people, bond with them, and ultimately become friends. But that all changes when you graduate.
All of a sudden, the act of finding friends and meeting people seems like an insurmountable task. Without a structured life, friendships don’t just naturally occur, you have to go out and make them. And it’s hard. It provides all the stress and anxiety of dating, but is somehow made more awkward because you’re not trying to have sex with them. Where to go and how to approach people is a question that many of you have, and although I’m not an expert, I’ll do my best to answer.
Work
This is the obvious one. You spend 40+ hours a week in close proximity to your coworkers, and it’s only natural to make friends with them. Of course, this hinges on you working with people close to your age who have similar interests, so it’s really a crapshoot depending on your place of employment. Still, this is your best bet for a new friend.
How to ask: Just do what feels natural, like you’d been doing in school most of your life. Talk to them about your interests, ask them questions about theirs, and gauge whether you naturally like each other. If you do, invite them out to something you mutually enjoy or something you talked about. It could be as easy as saying, “I was going to watch the game on Saturday, do you want to catch it at a bar downtown?”
Rec Sports
Assuming you enjoy playing any sport and live in a city, there should be no problem finding a team for you. Most cities offer singles leagues, where they match up a bunch of individual players on to a rag-tag team. Since everyone else on the team is also in the same boat, it shouldn’t be had to find some people you get along with. Just don’t shit the bed too badly during the game, go to the post-game bar, and let your friendships grow over the course of the season.
How to ask: Same as at work, with the added bonus that if you get brutally rejected, you’ll never have to see them again. Most rec teams will have sponsored bars you can go to after the games, and if you can’t bond together over beer and sports, I can’t do anything for you.
Craigslist
No, not that section of Craigslist. Anyone you meet from the personals of that site is at best a weirdo and at worst a serial killer who wants to wear your skin. No, I’m talking about the rental housing portion of Craigslist. If you’re moving to a new city, I urge you to rent a place with random roommates. Sure, the downsides can be huge. You could end up in a house of people you hate for a year. But the upside can also be huge. When I moved to Chicago without knowing anyone within a thousand miles, I subleased a room in an apartment with a couple guys who introduced me to their friend group that became my friend group. Just get to know your potential roommates a bit before-hand, and you should be able to get a pretty good idea of whether or not you’ll get along.
How to ask: If you picked well, this should be a smooth transition. If they know each other, they’ll probably invite you out with them within the first week. Just go with the flow, and show them they don’t need to baby sit you by making friends with their friends. Also, don’t assume you’re invited to everything just because you were invited to one thing. No one wants a tag-along, so either play a little hard to get, or invite them out for something. Just like in dating, you can’t come across too desperate.
The Bar
This is the big leagues. Making platonic friends at the bar, especially if you’re there by yourself, is as hard as it gets. They may think you’re hitting on them, or they may think you’re a weirdo who has no friends, and I don’t know which scenario is worse for you. You’ll probably get rejected a good amount. It’s basically exactly the same as hitting on someone, but more uncomfortable because they may not understand your intentions. Luckily, alcohol is a natural social lubricant.
How to ask: Use the booze to your advantage. Don’t go in there sober and try and talk to people. Pregame, get a couple drinks at the bar, and let you, and your prospective new friends, get a little loose. After that, just go for it. Walk up to groups of people that look fun. Invite them to play giant Jenga. Tell them you just moved here and ask for their advice on cool bars. I would err on the side of being too forward, if anything. If some random dude approached me at the bar, I’d rather know he was new and looking for friends than be confused of what he wanted. You might strike out, but most people are friendly and inviting, especially when alcohol is involved. Mimic their humor without being creepy, and most importantly, buy everyone drinks. Basically, just hit on them, I guess.
Pro tip: pick people who look like you. Both because humans empathize better with people that look like them, and because it makes it easier for them to fit you in the group. If you’re wearing a t-shirt, a bunch of dudes who wear blazers to the bar are probably not going to want you hanging with them.
Friend Finding Apps
Tinder Social. Bumble BFF. Squad. These are all apps that let you swipe to find friends instead of dates. To be honest, I’ve never used any of these, but if you’re looking to make new friends, I think it can be a useful tool. Sure, it sounds awkward as hell. But once you get past that, it’s also the most straightforward way to meet people. You both know you’re on the app to make friends, so you don’t have to worry about crossing signals, and if things get awkward you can be pretty sure you’ll never see that person again. Basically, all the appeal of dating apps but for friends.
How to ask: Depending on the layout of the app, I think this could be fairly straightforward. Pick something from their profile you both like, and see if they want to meet up to do that thing. Whether it’s hike, play volleyball, or just go to the bar, I say just meet up as soon as possible. Having a text conversation with someone I don’t know sounds like a fucking nightmare to me, and I’d much rather get to know them in real life.
Making friends as an adult isn’t easy, but it is possible. If you have any advice to add or questions to ask, hit me up in the comments or DM me. We’re all just trying to navigate this postgrad lifestyle together..
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
When people get a little too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name.
Power Move. I also like to go with, ” hey guy”.
I hate how much I needed this.
Hit ya boy up, Charles. Let’s hang out.
Only person under 30 at my company, they don’t seem to enjoy stories about drunken nights as much as I do.
Saaaaaame….must be a bridge firm requirement.
Relatable.
My crew was playing pool one Friday night at a local bar, this guy who looked around our age and seemed cool approached us and asked to play a couple rounds. Fast foreword and now we hang out most weekends with him.
I’m surprised you didn’t have the date a girl from tinder and steal her guy friends technique. They all boned her too, probably, so you’re already starting off with a lot in common.
Some of my best friends are also my eskimo brothers
I did this. I matched with a girl on Tinder, went on a few dates, she introduced me to her male roommate, and we became friends. I actually broke up with her because I didn’t want to ruin my new friendship with him.
Don’t pretend you used tinder. Everyone knows you only bang MySpace sluts.
2006, what a time to be alive.
Every weekend I go to Austin area golf courses and try and play golf with Micah and crew, success pending.
If I ever make it to Austin I think I’ll go play Roy Kizer since I’ve heard about it so many times on TB… figure there’s a 50/50 chance we bump into the bad boys of small podcasting
I’ve been leaving a trail of bananas on the course. It’s only a matter of time.
How about PGP meetups? We are all already reading the same info. I could use one since I just moved to ATL
DC GroupMe FTW
From what I’m told don’t get your hopes up. They either go really well or people suck.
DFW PGPers a thing? No, just me? Okay.
Sitting in FW here…me and the BF would love to make friends
Platonic sup? I’m moving down to the Fort in April and moving in with my fiancé. We need friends.
Hi yes let’s be friends! Like beer and burgers? Or loaded tater tots?
Shoot me a DM on the IG or Twitter.
Let’s get together. We are always down for a “trip” to FW.
Flowermound checking in.
Do we have an atl groupme yet? I’ve never been able to find it!
Any Orange County PGPers?
California or Florida? Florida checking in
OC, CA
Any PGPers in OKC?
Leaving in 2 months so not really
Well damn. You and your fiancé enjoy the Fort.
Better luck to the ATL groupme than the KC groupme is having on setting up a PGP meetup this week.
We have one setup Thursday 6:00 Kelly’s. We will get this more constant, I have faith.
Of course I moved from KC
I’ve just decided to stop making friends. Can’t lose what you never had Hey-O!
Xbox live while playing Fortnite so everyone can train for when it becomes a real life game after water becomes our new currency
living in an apartment complex simplifies things. After you see the same person/people at the gym, laundry, other common areas, just strike up conversation. You’re not a total rando and already have some common ground for small talk.