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If you search the Internet, there are a million articles that give advice on what to do after a breakup. What about some guidance on how to move on from the “near miss,” when the relationship you wanted with someone you dated casually for a while just never evolved into something committed? You can’t really talk to your friends about it in the same way you would about a breakup, because it was something that never really happened, and honestly, they’ll think you’re a little crazy for being so fixated on it. Because of this, you’re stuck dealing with it on your own. It’s sort of like that feeling you get after you almost hit something with your car, a deep pit in your stomach that takes a while to shake. We’ve both been there–hell, one of us is there right now–so here are some thoughts on how to move on.
Give Up Hope
We hate to be so harsh, but it’s the truth. In the near miss situation, we tend to cling to a crazy hope that this guy will realize at some point down the line–a week, a month, a year later–how perfect you would have been together and that he’ll come running back, ready for the commitment he wasn’t ready for before. We imagine some romantic scenario in which we bump into said guy while looking absolutely stunning, he recognizes what a mistake he made in letting us go, and we live happily ever after. However, the odds of this happening are slim to none; it just usually doesn’t work that way. So you need to let it go, although we highly recommend looking stunning all the time, just in case.
Stop Analyzing
When people break up, it’s generally pretty clear what went wrong, but with the near miss, it almost never is. We’re left to analyze the shit out of it. You ask yourself, “What did I do or say wrong? Why didn’t he like me enough to actually date?” The fact of the matter is, unless you’re “Straight Outta Compton” crazy, you most likely didn’t do anything wrong. And neither did he. The most probable explanation is that the combination of you and him at this point just didn’t work. THAT’S IT. Seriously, it’s that simple. Process that and stop analyzing every single date you two ever went on and text you ever sent, because there are no additional answers to be found.
Realize That You Can’t Be Friends
At least for a while. This was someone who you cared about and wanted to explore a future with. Unless you are a person who can turn his or her feelings off and on (if you are, please share your secret with us immediately) you can’t just dial it back to a friendship without a little time to let those other feelings subside. Maybe you’ll get to the point that you can handle being friends. Maybe you won’t. Either way, you need to take a step back for right now.
Stay Away From His Social Media
The last thing you need is to see him tweeting about his Tinder dates while you’re home mourning the relationship that never was. We don’t necessarily recommend that you unfriend or unfollow him–unless you have no self-restraint–but you can certainly use the “mute” features on Facebook and Twitter for a while, at least until you’re able to see him in a picture with another girl and not want to throw your phone against the wall.
Get Back On The Horse
If you wanted a relationship with someone, we’re sure he was great in many ways. But so are a bunch of other guys out there. Unlike a breakup, no one looks at you like you’re some kind of skank if you immediately start dating a bunch of guys after a near miss. So do it, right now. Sign up for Tinder or Match or J-Date or whatever works for you, go out to bars with your single friends, ask your coworkers to set you up–it doesn’t matter how you do it, as long as you get back out there. We guarantee there’s some guy out there who isn’t going to want to let you go.
And if all else fails, just listen to this on repeat. It helps, we promise. And pretty soon, we’ll be calling you Miss Movin’ On.
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Based on your picture and description, I’m in love with you two. Need an article on what to do about getting over chicks you’ve never even seen.
I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but:
“As you can tell from our profile, we are two women who write together. What you can’t tell from our profile picture (yes, it’s a fake–pretend to be shocked) is that one of us is a soon-to-be former fat girl. (Sixty pounds down, 50 to go!)”
https://pgparchive.wpengine.com/thoughts-from-a-fat-girl/
So you’re pretty much a troll, huh?
Hey now, those are your own words, and I’m not hiding my average self behind a disingenuous picture like y’all are of two 10’s decked out for the races.
I like most of y’all’s articles though, enjoy the compliment.
Well, we are glad you like our columns.
Thanks so much! We do take article requests… although we may need to solicit help for that one!