======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I turned to my roommate and good friend the other day and asked the question, “When do you think we’ll ever slow down when it comes to going out and actually try to find girlfriends?” This is a question that I feel will make itself more and more prevalent as my life continues and is a question that’s been creeping into my brain the closer I get to turning 25 in June.
His rebuttal was a conflicting, two-pronged response. He claimed that once we all get into serious relationships, it will only be when we don’t go out together three or four nights a week. He then made the observation that going out with our group of friends this frequently is partially preventing us from finding those relationships. And, in turn, will prevent us from slowing down. A vicious cycle.
This was an interesting take and one that is more relevant than ever given that three or four of the guys in my friend group have been broken up with for opting to drink with friends over spending spare time with their significant other. This hit close to home on Saturday when I scheduled an 8 o’clock date with a girl I’ve been seeing and proceeded to day drink with my buddies, only show up absolutely shitfaced and then promptly blackout. After spilling wine on myself, she was less than thrilled. It was a terrible look. Verdict on a second chance pending.
After a hard three or four hours of thinking about it (which, in my book, is an eternity) I realized two things. First, everyone goes out, everyone goes to bars and blows themselves up, and everyone at some point or another has opted for going out over finding a relationship. It’s human nature. Second, everyone will want to settle down at some point, that’s also human nature. And if you don’t, all the power to you.
There is an argument for both sides of the “settling down” argument. You don’t want to look back on a failed relationship in your 30s and think about how you could have been single and enjoyed your 20s. But, at the same time, you don’t want to look back in your 30s and think that you should have been looking for someone that whole time.
Given the above, I have formulated a framework to loosely follow. I will pre-empt this with the fact that this is coming from the naïve, immature and ignorant inner-workings of my (male) brain. Nonetheless, whether you follow it or don’t, give me suggestions — I don’t care. Any and all input is appreciated.
For now, at the ripe age of 24, I will continue to drink with my friends and enjoy being in New York City. If I happen to meet someone interesting then I will pursue. Around 26, I will slow down a bit (still haven’t defined “a bit,” but hey, I’m trying here) and actively look for something serious. Around 28, I figure my friends will all be settling down so that is when I will essentially be forced to do so myself. By 30 if I’m still doing this shit, I will feel (and most likely look) like an absolute loser. Thinking this far ahead is weird and may be pointless, but it gives me a sense of unfounded security, okay?
I still have no idea when it’s appropriate to press the panic button and think, “Oh fuck, I really should stop just going to bars and getting loaded with my friends.” At the end of the day, the answer to transitioning into looking for a serious relationship may be just living your life a day at a time and seeing where it takes you. Situations differ by person — different strokes for different folks, they say. Or maybe this is exclusive to the people I’m closest with. Thoughts? .