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Freshman Year
Like, ohmigawd. Aaron from ENG 100 invited me to his frat party tonight and, like, I’m not sure if I should go. I hear they roofie girls there. But, he’s different. Right? Of course he is. Plus, he’s so hot and I think I heard him say on the first day of class that he was the quarterback for his high school football team. I’ll just bring Kelly, and if things get too weird, we’ll just leave.
Oh God, things got so weird last night. Where am I? More importantly, where is my bra? Wait. You’re not Aaron. Who are you? Where is Kelly? Oh, you’re not hideous. What’s your name? Maybe you’ll like me when you’re sober, too, and you can be my boyfriend. I’ll just lay here until you wake up and I’ll see if you want to go to Waffle House. Last night was the best night EVER.
Sophomore Year
I can’t believe Brad cheated on me again. She wasn’t even all that pretty. That’s it, we’re over. I’m totally going to the Sigma Chi party with Kelly and we’re going to get me like sooo drunk that I just forget all about him.
Ohmigawd, Kelly. See that guy over there? He’s been letting me drink his Bud Light and KG all night long and I think he likes me. He’s not really cute, but he’s not awful-looking, either. Should I go home with him? But, like, what if Brad finds out? I just couldn’t do that to him! I still love him! I gave him my college virginity, Kelly! No. I’m going to go over there and kiss him and I’m going to get over Brad TONIGHT!
[Eight hours later]
Fuck.
Junior Year
Dude, that test. I just need to go to the bar. Because yeah, I can do that now.
I’ve been letting this guy buy me drinks all night, but he’s starting to get super creepy. I think he thinks I’m going to go home with him and that’s just not going to happen. Here he comes, go to the bathroom with me.
“Brad? It’s Sarah. Can you come get me? Please. I know this is kind of weird but there’s this guy and he won’t leave me alone and I’m drunk and…”
[Eight hours later]
Fuck.
Senior Year
See that guy over there? I’m going to take him home and have my way with him. Then I’m going to let him buy me breakfast in the morning.
Can you help me find my panties, because I kind of need those. Thanks.
Super Senior Year
Wanna bang? Cool.
Where are my damn panties? Ya know what? Same time next week and I’ll just look for them then.
Respond
@lnsayers
@lnsayers
Are you lost sugar?
Yay she’s back! And twice as condescending as before!
You’re right, I said I would turn over a new leaf (see: giving up on your resolution article). Anyway I didn’t dislike these two articles I just think they would be better fit for the TSM crowd.
Blog posts. Whatever.
I thought girls got less slutty over time.
WKU is a hidden gem. So many women there. I loved college (and the couple extra years spent in BG working for the only corporate office in town).
Those senior hookups were definitely the best/easiest.
*tears up over the good ol’ days*
Go TOPS!
#TSM
Did you have fun walking up and down all those hills at WKU?
It’s just one really big-ass hill. And all of the “fun” stopped freshman year when I realized there was a transit. It was all downhill from there, literally and figuratively.
That Step Brothers pic made me giggle. And it got me thinking about how hard I miss college.