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It’s December which means two things are on the calendar if you work in a standard office: prepping for the new year, and end-of-year performance reviews. Whether you’re a managing people or being managed by someone else, many workers spend the majority of this time being anxious about that annual performance review.
For some people, their individual review is the adult version of the boogie man hiding under the bed. Sure, it sucks. But it doesn’t have to be all that bad. At the end of the day, it’s just you sitting with a few supervisors where you agonize over some questions together and maybe you end up getting a raise. To ease the anxiety rollercoaster that these reviews cause, it’s always fun to think about more accurate answers to those dreadful and repetitive questions.
What is one achievement of yours that you’re proud of from this last year?
One of my biggest achievements is how to properly hide my Pinterest, Amazon, and Reddit tabs from you when you walk by my computer screen. After all, I find it incredibly difficult to do all of my tweeting and online shopping during work hours but I’m proud to say I’ve perfected that skill.
What do you feel has been your greatest challenge in 2018?
Considering that my nightly wine intake has greatly increased due to your overwhelming office demands, I feel like 2018 has been particularly hard in hiding my hangovers from you and my fellow coworkers.
Do you feel your office environment is stressful, peaceful or somewhere in between?
Overall, I’d like to think I’m pretty easygoing regardless of my environment… except when I get stressed out about doing those interactive captcha tests because I’m not sure if windows on a cement building count as a “storefront” or not.
Tell me about your goals for next year.
Aside from the obvious (petting even more dogs), I honestly prefer not to make goals… last year I made, like, six resolutions for the new year and I had given up on four of them within the first week. But if I had to choose?… I’d like to date that hot guy who works at the law firm on the third floor.
In which position do you see yourself next year?
On that hot guy who works at the law firm on the third floor.
Do you have any feedback on how to improve company morale?
Double the salary and half the work. Oh, and one of those wine vending machines that always stays fully stocked.
What have you learned this year that you will take with you for success in 2019?
In 2018, I had too high of expectations, so this year I’ve reevaluated what I want to manifest. Last year, I was hoping that good things would happen. Next year, I hope whatever bad things happen are at least funny.
See? Those are WAY more accurate answers to the same tired old questions. Of course, I don’t advise that you be as brutally honest as my answers here… unless you want to have fun cleaning our your desk and file for unemployment. .