As someone getting married about one year from today (which reminds me that I should probably start going to the gym again soon… as I type this with one hand and hold pizza in the other), I can already attest to the bullshit that is wedding planning.
The amount of work that goes into planning a glorified party for yourself and two hundred of your closest friends and those relatives you haven’t seen since you were ten really throws into perspective how weird this tradition has become. On the one hand, I understand that there are hopeless romantics (read: ex-sorority girls) who are dying to be in my position. On the other, I (my parents) am going to be throwing down the rough equivalent to my current annual salary in order to serve food, alcohol, and let’s be real, looks, to all the people present at this future event.
One of the only perks for me in this situation, other than a binding guarantee that I won’t die alone (my odds are better, at least) is the factor of registering. I’ve been looking forward to getting online and registering at some bougie-ass places since the ring was slid onto my finger. I totally plan on making the asshole move, which is registering for things that are ridiculously expensive that I could never afford and then watching my friends sweat over whether to buy me the leather-front throw pillow from Barney’s or the vintage silver candlesticks.
Fun as that is for me, most nights when I’m running my hands over my face and trying to mediate between family members fighting over everything from the guest list to the venue location, all I really want from anyone is a damn drink.
Well, bitches, my wish is your command.
A site called ThirstyNest was finally invented by another overwrought bride who just wanted a fucking glass of Merlot and for her mother-in-law to shut her mouth for five goddamn minutes. It’s the only website where you can register for bottled wine and spirits, as well as bar amenities. There are even types of drank designated as best for special life events, like your one-year anniversary or your first married New Year’s Eve, because millennials like. to. drink. And, we like to do it as pretentiously as possible. Hate the game.
The founder of this little online gem, Jacqueline Strum, literally admits that she invented the site because millennial couples drink so much more wine than the older generations before them, and prefer a more modern approach to registering. If that means that most of us would way rather have a nice bottle of bubbly than a fucking china plate setting that looks like it belongs in a museum, I definitely concur.
I’m sending the link to this website to everyone on my guest list, like, five minutes ago. Mama needs a stocked bar cart in the living room like I need air to breathe. .