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I am not a Taylor Swift girl. Now, let me be clear — I have nothing against the southern belle turned pop icon, I just feel pretty impartial. I’ve always enjoyed at least one or two songs off of each album, but other than that I never gave her too much thought.
Plus, as a general rule, I like to let hot blond girls do their thing without getting too emotionally invested. The ups and downs of the Amanda Bynes saga still have me shook.
One could even argue that my impartiality to the T. Swift fandom is largely because I just recently joined www.twitter.com, so until two months ago I wasn’t particularly attuned to things celebrities say. Which is why I was more baffled than anyone when, as a knee-jerk reaction, I responded to a work email with a direct quote from our very own eternal 22-year-old.
From: My co-worker/friend/senior partner
See the attached powerpoint sent by [REDACTED COLLEAGUE NAME]. She said you mentioned you had insights?
Without even a second thought, I responded with the following:
To: My co-worker/friend/senior partner
“I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.”
– Taylor Swift
Just like that, an idea was born. Taylor Swift, for all intents and purposes, is far more successful than I may ever be. So, why not capitalize on such a powerful role model and use her to better myself in all of my professional endeavors?
If she could help me deflect this disastrous PowerPoint inquiry with such crushing honesty and clarity, then why couldn’t I take quotes directly from the mouth of the snake and respond to all of my work mumbo jumbo with the elegance and swiftness of well, T. Swift herself?
Then, I realized I am moving in 6 weeks, so I can indeed do just that. The below are how I plan to respond to any and all email inquiries over the course of the next 1 ½ months.
When someone from another department asks me if I have “bandwidth to help out”:
“I’m very aware and very conscious of the path I chose in life, and very aware of the path I didn’t choose.” – Taylor Swift
When HR emails me because we had an applicant that put me as a reference:
“My friends tease me about the fact that if someone seems bad or shady or like they have a secret, I find them incredibly interesting.” – Taylor Swift
When recruiters on LinkedIn tell me they “love my profile!”:
“You can’t be in love with a Google search.” – Taylor Swift
When my new hire (that has been employed for 6 days) emails me about a great idea they just had:
“Your feelings so are important to write down, to capture, and to remember because today you’re heartbroken, but tomorrow you’ll be in love again.” – Taylor Swift
When my young professionals organization emails me about my inspiration to get into this business:
“Katie Couric is one of my favorite people.” – Taylor Swift
“Faith Hill is a big role model.” – Taylor Swift
When my boss emails me about my exit interview:
“I know my flaws before other people point them out to me.” – Taylor Swift
When my colleague that I despise asks for my personal email so we can keep in touch:
“You have people come into your life shockingly and surprisingly. You have losses that you never thought you’d experience. You have rejection and you have learn how to deal with that and how to get up the next day and go on with it.” – Taylor Swift
When my client emails me in all caps because their report is one day late due circumstances outside of my control:
“If you’re yelling, you’re the one who’s lost control of the conversation.” – Taylor Swift
When my office manager emails me inquiring if I have any ideas for the office Valentine’s Day Party:
“My imagination is a twisted place.” – Taylor Swift
When a client asks for me to tell them a little bit about myself:
“I love making buckwheat crepes with ham, Parmesan cheese, and a fried egg on top. It’s my go-to breakfast.” – Taylor Swift
When my officemate asks if we’re going to happy hour for the fourth day in a row:
“If you are lucky enough to find something that you love, and you have a shot at being good at it, don’t stop, don’t put it down.” – Taylor Swift
In short, if I’m going to mail it in for the next six weeks, I might as well do it in style. Plus, everyone keeps telling me that “people only remember the last thing you do,” so if responding to all correspondence with Taylor Swift quotes and Taylor Swift quotes only is that last thing they remember me for, then color me satisfied.
Au Revoir, colleagues, it’s been medium real with most of you.
And to all my office ride or dies, know this:
I love you all “because you know I love the players and you love the game.” You guessed it: Taylor Swift. .