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Another day, another engagement. That’s how it goes these days, whether it’s announced on Facebook or by three million text messages letting you know about a particularly heinous one. It seems like people are getting engaged before they’re actually ready left and right. So, it’s understandable that people become overwhelmed with planning their nuptials and freak out. That’s what British almost-groom Neil McCardle did.
Neil had only one major job to do for his wedding day. He was supposed to book the venue, which seems easy enough. Neil is actually unemployed, which should have left him with more than enough time to book the venue and fill out the papers he needed. After all, it’s not as difficult as, say, picking out bridesmaid dresses that are actually flattering on everyone, or making your Pinterest dreams come to life without the venue looking like a barnyard gone wrong. However, Neil “forgot.”
YOU HAD ONE JOB, NEIL. ONE JOB.
It doesn’t sound like Neil would make a very good husband. After all, if he can’t even remember to book the venue, I bet you he won’t remember to take out the trash, put the toilet seat down, or replace the TP. He doesn’t sound like a very thoughtful guy. To protect himself from the wrath of his wife-to-be, Neil staged a bomb threat on what was supposed to be the best day of his life, making it the worst. I’m pretty sure a bomb threat was not the way to go, but I wasn’t there to protect Neil from going astray. Plus, it might be more pressing psychological issues that caused the hoax. Neil failed to go through with a wedding that was supposed to be planned the year before, showing that his “forgetfulness” might be code for an aversion to commitment.
When his almost-wife Amy arrived at the venue, ready for marriage, she found it evacuated and crawling with police. Amy is 29, and like many fretful ladies she probably wants to tie the knot before she turns 30. Now, it’s not looking too hopeful. I can’t imagine showing up to your wedding in the gown you’ve spent beaucoup bucks on, and finding out that there was a bomb threat, and then finding out it was called in by your terrified fiance. His practical joke gone wrong not only ruined her special day, it postponed all of the other weddings that were supposed to happen at the venue.
I’m sure that Neil’s wife-to-be was excited for her wedding day, and her only major fear was probably Neil not showing up, because romantic comedies over the years have shown us that’s always an option, although they usually feature a runaway bride, not groom. Neil wasn’t even cool enough to try to pull a Mr. Big.
Now, Neil is on his way to prison for a year, all because he’s forgetful, and terrified of confrontation. I hope he watched Orange is the New Black to prepare. In my opinion, his potential wife dodged a bullet, because he sounds truly terrible. Given with the whole unemployment thing and his “canceling” of their wedding, I think it’s time to get out now, before it’s too late. Unfortunately, they’re still together, but I don’t see marriage in their future anytime soon, unless it’s during one of their conjugal visits.
[via Gawker, Daily Mail]
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Margaret Abrams
Nothing Margaret writes should be taken seriously by anyone, including her parents, employers, or gentleman callers. She's currently coping with a quarterlife crisis.
@margaretabrams
@margaretabrams
In a way, he’s probably better off.
This guy is da bomb!
ba dum tssss….
Ridic
Give him a break, she probably threatened to castrate him if he forgot.
I mean, he forgot once before and she stayed with him, so maybe third time’s a charm.