Get Mad. Get Motivated. Get Drunk.

Get Mad. Get Motivated. Get Drunk.

Let’s get into it. You’re talking about what? You’re talking about… bitching about that sale you shot, some sonofabitch at work bugging you to no end, some broad who just left you, so forth. Let’s talk about something important.

Put. That. Coffee. Down. Coffee’s for workers only. You think a fucking cup of joe’s the answer for you? Joe is not the answer for you. No, you’re wanting something else, something more. Something to joggle you out of the monotony of everyday life, and away from all its tireless bullshit. You’re jaded, overwrought. And, that’s why I’m here. I’m here on a mission of mercy. I’m here to tell you that you don’t gotta sit there and endure the shitstorm forever, ‘cause the good news is… it’s gonna end. The bad news is… you, all of you ’re gonna die before that ever happens.

Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. ‘Cause we’re allowing the fears we have to prevail over the aims. We’ve got too many things that concern us, that anger and eat at us, that steal away our attention and distract us from the real prizes of life. And, while pain may make you stronger, tears may make you braver, a broken heart may make you wiser — alcohol will make you not remember any of that shit. Get the picture?

Alcohol’s the solution. It’s the port during the shitstorm, the spirit to lift your spirits, the magic elixir that combats all life’s miseries and woes. There’s almost nothing that can’t be overcome with alcohol (aside from alcoholism). You can’t overcome problems with the alcohol at your disposal, you can’t overcome with shit. You ARE shit. Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it, ‘cause you are going OUT.

A – Always, B – Be, C – Consuming.
Always be consuming. ALWAYS BE CONSUMING.

Attention, Interest, Decision, Action.
Attention – Do I have your attention? Interest – Are you interested? I know you are, because it’s fuck or walk. You consume or you ride the pine. Decision – Have you made your decision, for Christ? And Action. A-I-D-A.

Get out there. You got the prospects coming in. You think it’s only for decoration? A bottle doesn’t get made lest it’s to be consumed. They’re sitting out there on shelves waiting to give you their boozy nectar. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it?

You see, pal, that’s who I am, drunk, and right now you’re nothing. Nice guy? I don’t give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna survive here — consume! You think this is abuse? You can’t take this, how can take the abuse you get out of life? You don’t like it, change. I can go out there tonight with the materials you’ve got and make myself impermeable. Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can YOU? Go and do likewise. A-I-D-A. Get mad, you son of a bitches. Get mad!

You know what it takes to endure the world? It takes BRASS BALLS to endure the world. Go and do likewise, gents. Alcohol’s out there. You pick it up, it’s yours. You don’t, I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out into this world and win, CONSUME. It’s yours. If not, you’re gonna be experiencing an unfulfilled life. And you know what you’ll be confessing, a bunch of losers on their deathbed, “Oh, yeah. I used to have aspirations. Life’s a tough racket, though.”

You stop living. You’re already dead. That’s why, when you die, die on ‘E’. Don’t leave anything left in the tank. And don’t leave anything left in the glass. You’re here to drink booze (this drink’s for you, Chinaski). You’re here to fulfill dreams. You’re here to laugh at the odds and live your life so well that death’ll tremble to take you.

It’s the only good fight there is.

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