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When standing desks were first introduced, they were scoffed at. Or so I’m assuming. Desks are for sitting. That’s why they were invented. You are supposed to just sit behind them while you take a dodgy look around every few minutes to make sure that nobody can see that you are catching up on Stranger Things. But now that we’re all “health conscious” or whatever, standing desks are becoming more widely accepted. Big, thick, mahogany desks symbolized money and power. Now, standing desks exude respect, without having to get a promotion. Want to cash in on the corporate world’s express lane to success? Here are five different standing desks that will have you standing at the top.
This standing desk is great because it lets people know that you are more fit than they are. While they rot away in their swivel chairs, you can hover about them with pride. The pain in your feet and back just lets you know that it’s working. Sitting is the new smoking, after all.
The main feature of this standing desk is it says “I know this is impractical, but I don’t see you giving it a try, pussy.” It fits only a laptop, so if you feel like taking notes, or even resting a drink on your standing desk, you are majorly SOL, my friend. But, the fact that you are standing above everyone else distracts from the fact that it makes no fucking sense.
This standing desk is an attachment to your original desk, so when you are over your initial power trip, you can sit the fuck down like the rest of us. Enjoy those three weeks of feeling like you are bettering yourself as a whole, while still leaving your standing desk every thirty minutes for a smoke break. Ah, cheers to health!
Have you spent the last few years of your life in an office, but have always wanted to experience what it’s like to work at an auto parts counter? Bask in the blue collar glory as you are able to write stuff down at chest level. It’s miraculous. Everyone else has to either sit in a chair or bend over to write, but not you. Suckers.
This standing desk, paired with biking to work, says “look at me, I’m fit. LOOK AT ME, DAMNIT!” The only downside of this particular standing desk is you have to sign a contract with the company that you will wear only slim fit shirts while using the desk. It has to do with the marketing and image of the product. Also, don’t read the fine print. It gets a little weird.
There you have it. Five different types of standing desks to use instead of announcing to the office that you think you are overqualified for your job. Because, of course, you are. .
Image via Shutterstock
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@Srat_Bro
This article sucked ass
What are the five types though?
Are…are the desks invisible? I’m scared.
picz. plz send
I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this was a rough draft.
I’m really confused by how this article has been up for almost 24 hours and there are still no pictures.
My job requires standing for like 90% of my time which makes me a tired and lazy piece of shit after work, which is just salting my game.
It’s the fucking worst, it’s messed up my feet and some of my coworkers have gross spider veins on their legs because of it. Choosing a standing desk is choosing to be miserable and to look like a douchebag simultaneously. Also some new research said they’re at best minimally better for your health than a regular desk, or worse if you’re fat because of the weight and pressure put on your joints.
I feel like between standing desks, crossfit and being vegan our generation is just looking to be labeled as unique little douchebag snowflakes. I also feel like I am WAY to angry about such a trivial issue.
Being a lazy piece of shit is right up my alley, sup?
@ Dave next time
I was certainly hoping for a Dave column
As someone who used to have required standing hours in a previous sales job, these standing desks can go fuck right off.
Sitting is amazing.
Do better. That being said…@Dave Shots fired!