Five Simple Ways To Cure Your Hangover Anxiety

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Hangovers – we all get them! But sometimes when Sunday rolls around, your nerves about work, school, or the office kick in and you become anxious. No matter what you call them – The Sunday Scaries, The Hangover Blues, The Frights – we all get them from time to time. Luckily, there are easy ways to get to the root of your problems and feel better about everything. After all, Sundays are a gift, not a curse!

1. Brunch!

What better way to spend a morning than with your friends sharing a carafe of mimosas and laughing about all the fun you had the night before?

2. Exercise!

Sweat out your demons by hitting the gym, going to a yoga class, or using your ClassPass to try something new! Sure, it might seem like a tall hill to climb, but you’ll sure be glad you did once you’re done.

3. Go to a movie!

The best thing about movie theaters? The air-conditioning, the quiet, the dark, and the free refills on soda. For those two hours, you can forget about your worries and enjoy a cinematic adventure.

4. Have some “you” time!

Stay in bed in your dark, undersized room while wearing the same clothes you had on from the night before. Let the smell of the bar seep into your sheets so then not only do you wreak of despair, but your habitation will as well. When you think it’s a good idea to open your blinds, don’t. It’s best to wallow away in the pitch black with the only light coming from your phone or television.

While scrolling Netflix for an hour attempting to find something that you haven’t already wasted hours of your life watching, don’t forget to have moments of sheer panic where you think your hangover might actually physically kill you. Once that wears off, ensure that you go into full-blown quarter-life crisis mode where you rethink your college major, why you wasted those student loans on your pointless degree, and whether or not your friends truly like you.

When you text them hoping for an immediate reply, ponder whether or not you will actually be single for the rest of your life. Consider going on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble only to swipe left on everyone in your feed. Delete the apps after you convince yourself that it’s “pitiful” to be on them, only to redownload them Thursday at work when you’re considering going out again that weekend in hopes of finding “the one” at a shitty dive bar filled with 50% alcoholics and 50% degenerates.

Upon becoming hungry, open Postmates on your phone to see if they have any deals going on that day. But because it’s Sunday and they know everyone will be ordering food from the depths of their shitty apartments in overpriced neighborhoods, you realize that they’d have to be insane to run any deals. You should consider getting Chipotle before realizing you’re about to spend $22 on a burrito that will likely give you a disease and diarrhea, but you will end up lugging yourself to your kitchen where your refrigerator will look you deep in the eyes and say, “The only thing emptier than me is your soul.”

When you check your phone to see if your friends responded to your attempt at communication, you need to over-scrutinize why they’re not responding. Ask yourself if it’s because of something offensive you said after one too many cocktails, or if it’s because they’re all hanging out without you because they secretly hate you. Imagine your friends who are in relationships cuddling on the couch together watching a movie and planning their future, and then slump back into your depression about being single. When you double-click your home button to switch over to a dating app, remember that you already deleted them in a fit of loneliness just an hour before.

While welling up with tears, consider calling your mom. But don’t actually call her, because if you do, she will judge you and it will make you feel worse for turning your weekend off into a marathon of drinking, pizza, and listening to top-40 music in overpriced bars. Second guess yourself after completely breaking down and actually call her in hopes that it will help. Listen to her lecture you about drinking less and saving money and be positive she can hear you sobbing on the other end of the phone. Consider moving back in with your parents in an effort to save money and find yourself.

After you hang up the phone, remain crying in your bed. You’ll want a glass of water but you’ll be too emotional and tired to be able to get up and get one. Scream something into your pillow. “Why?” is always a good choice, but don’t stray away from simple ambiguous noises that will make your neighbors wonder if you’re being murdered. When one of them knocks at your door, attempt to pull yourself together and answer it to let them know that you’re alive. When they look you in your tear-filled eyes, collapse into their arms and tell them that you need someone to talk to. Tell them your deepest secrets in a desperate attempt to connect. You’ll regret doing this on Wednesday after your two-day hangover wears off, but it will seem like a good idea at the time.

They’ll need to walk you to your bed where you’ll hope they’ll pet your forehead until you fall asleep. “When will this all be over?” you’ll need to ask them while they text their significant other looking for an excuse to leave your depressing apartment. When they finally come up with an excuse, let them go because they’ve been there long enough as it is. But before they leave, ask if they can retrieve a bottle of Nyquil from your bathroom so you can take it and go to sleep. Drink double the dosage and when your body begins to feel fuzzy, wonder if you have a drug or alcohol problem. As you finally begin to fall asleep and forget about everything, wake up sweating a few hours later and remain somewhat awake until your alarm goes off and you have to go to your dead-end job.

Shower for the first time since Saturday morning and put on your clothes that you bought from an outlet store because you couldn’t afford to go to the normal location. Leave your apartment and enter the world you’ve grown to hate once again.

5. Read a book!

Whether it’s fiction or non-fiction, pick up a book you’ve been thinking about reading for a while. Nothing cools your nerves like learning something new or following the adventures of one of literature’s greatest characters! .

Image via Shutterstock

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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