======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Donald Trump didn’t do anything completely ridiculous in the last 48-72 hours (I mean, aside from the usual insanity we’ve come to expect), so I guess I’ll have to go back to my pre-Donald meltdown schtick of telling you about my weekend.
I actually spent the weekend hanging with one of my fellow Grandex-ers, Jared Freid, comedian extraordinaire and host of “The JTrain Podcast” presented by Total Frat Move. Now, the artist known as jtrain and I have been friends for years and when we are able to get together, it’s always a good time.
However, this weekend, I decided that I’d allow Jared “make all of my decisions” for me which means I am writing this column with a persistent “I did too many shots of Jameson” hangover/headache that I’m pretty sure will with me long after the end of the weekend. But even though I’m writing this with what feels like an army of coked-up toddlers doing a constant tap dance on the back of my eyeballs, I had a fantastic weekend – and certainly a better one than these people.
Mizzou
With 1:23 left in the game and down 33-14 to Florida after a touchdown, the Tigers did exactly what you would expect – they attempted an onside kick. Except it didn’t turn out how they expected. Not only did Gators wide receiver Antonio Callaway retrieve the onside kick, he then ran down the sideline for 45 yards to score another touchdown.
He makes it look easy. Sorry, Mizzou. [via CBSSports]
Jon Girodes
The troubles for Girodes, a New York State Senate candidate who is running to represent Harlem, actually started last week, when he came under fire for “telling a reporter he planned to woo prospective voters in the historically black neighborhood with Kool-Aid, fried chicken and watermelons,” according to the New York Daily News. But it turns out Girodes isn’t only a racist asshole – he’s a racist asshole who likes to steal from people.
Girodes was arrested on Friday night on charges of grand larceny for listing his fancy apartment in the Hell’s Kitchen area of New York for rent, collecting deposits, and then backing out the deals and not returning the deposits. According to police, he bilked 10 victims out of $50,000 in total.
Weirdly, the political hopeful didn’t seem all that concerned as he was escorted by police during his arrest:
It takes a cocky son of a bitch to A.) wear a shit-eating grin while being arrested and B.) also wear a violet shirt. [via New York Daily News]
The NFL (Again)
Last week, the NFL was featured in this same column for falling TV ratings. This weekend, they are back – for being trolled by some of their own teams.
As you may have heard, the NFL, addressing the truly important issues, recently instituted a new policy that forbids individual teams from posting game highlights to their social media accounts during games, with teams being fined $25,000 for a first offense and up to $100,000 for multiple offenses.
So on Sunday, many of the teams posted random graphics or retweeted the NFL’s account to keep their fans updated on social media, but the Philadelphia Eagles took it to the next level and stuck it to the NFL a bit as they played the Washington Redskins. Instead of the gifs of plays that are now banned, the geniuses in the team’s social media department recreated them with an old-school electric football game.
The joke is on the NFL, because I found this way more enjoyable then the actual plays anyway. [via Business Insider]
This Snake
It’s pretty well documented how much I hate, hate, hate snakes. They literally are the worst. So I don’t feel bad for this snake, who clearly had a crap-tastic weekend.
This extremely venomous red belly black snake got its head stuck in a beer can…or maybe it just has a drinking problem. Either way, Australian reptile handlers Tania Dowsett and Craig Bergman were called in when a concerned citizen noticed the snake’s predicament. I personally would have let the murderous fucker die, but the professionals removed the can from the snake’s head and released him into the wild.
No word on if the snake then headed to the nearest AA meeting. [via Mashable]
Odell Beckham, Jr.
It’s time for the second chapter in the saga of OBJ and his love affair with the kicking net.
If you missed chapter one from a few weeks ago, Odell freaked the fuck out after Eli Manning was picked off in the end zone, and decided for reasons unknown to just about everyone to attack the kicking net…which attacked back.
Chapter two has a happier ending…kind of. After scoring a touchdown, Beckham went to his former nemesis attempted to make up:
So why did this mean a bad day for OBJ? Well, he had a career day with eight catches for 222 yards and all anyone is talking about is his relationship with the kicking net. But then again…it’s better to be talked about for something stupid than not be talked about at all, right? .
Image via YouTube
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
congrats on the sex
I’m now completely convinced that J-Train banged J
Atlanta Falcons should’ve made the list for that no call on the blatant pass interference that cost them an opportunity to win the game.
Agreed. Unfortunately, I have to limit it to 5, or we’d be here all day.
Yes, because you could also suggest the Panthers whose kicker can’t make a PAT to save his life.
I honestly think I could do an all-football one every Monday during the season, but that would alienate the people that don’t like football…whoever they are.
There opinions don’t matter
I don’t disagree…
Fuck em
Your one-liners remind me of Conan O’Brien. Take that as you want.
Definite compliment.