Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: No More Snow Days & Johnny

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It’s hot and humid here in Boston, so I pretty much sat very still for the last 48 hours trying not to sweat or basically exert any energy at all.

That may not sound like a great weekend, but honestly, there’s something pretty relaxing about being lazier than a sloth. But even though my weekend wasn’t all that exciting, it was certainly better than some people’s.

Salad Eaters (Again)

Two weeks ago, I included McDonald’s in this column due to a parasite contamination of their salads. But given that no one normal gets a salad at McDonald’s anyway, it wasn’t that big of a deal. However, now that same cyclospora outbreak has spread to products sold by stores including Kroger, Trader Joe’s and Walgreens and I’m done eating salads forever.

According to an alert issued by the USDA, the issue was discovered when Indianapolis-based food distributor Caito Foods “received notification from their lettuce supplier, Fresh Express, that the chopped romaine that is used to manufacture some of their salads and wraps was being recalled” due to a potential contamination with the cyclospora parasite.

The USDA issued a recall for a whole list of products sold in major grocery store chains. In case you missed the horrific details of cyclosporiasis the last time, let me remind you:

The cyclospora parasite causes intestinal illness as a result of consuming contaminated food or water. Symptoms can begin a week or more after consuming the parasite. They can include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Those who are infected might also experience loss of appetite, weight loss, stomach cramps or pain, nausea, gas and fatigue. Vomiting, headache, fever, body aches and flu-like symptoms can also occur. The illness can last a few days to a few months, and patients might feel better, but then get worse again.

Yeah, I’m gonna take a hard pass on that garden salad and go right for the mac and cheese. [via CNN]

Chipotle Diners

Note that I said mac and cheese, because, once again, burritos are not safe, my friends – particularly if you’re in Ohio.

More than 680 people that ate at Chipotle’s Powell, OH location reported symptoms including vomiting, nausea, headaches and abdominal pain that lasted for a few days. According to the Ohio Department of Health, tests for the usual food-borne illnesses, including salmonella, e.Coli, shigella and norovirus, came back negative and they are still trying to determine the cause of the illnesses.

Am I going to have to start cooking for myself?! Oh, who am I kidding – I’m more likely to give myself a food-borne illness than any salad or burrito. [via New York Daily News]

Costco Cheese Lovers in Greenville, SC

Anyone with a Costco membership knows that it generally pays for itself in free samples. The whole point of going to Costco, aside from buying enough toilet paper for 7 months, is to peruse the free sample stands. But two elderly gentleman in South Carolina took their free sample addiction to a whole new level last week.

I’ll let The Washington Post tell you the tale:

All was calm in the aisles of a Greenville, S.C., Costco when a 70-year-old man lined up for a cheese sample. Then he saw another man cut in line, take a cheese sample and walk off. That man, police later said, is 72.

The 70-year-old then got in another line for a free cheeseburger sample. Then the same man returned and walked up to the stand. Not cool.

The 70-year-old said he could cut the 72-year-old in line in front of the cheeseburger stand, since he was sure the 72-year-old would cut the line anyway.

The 72-year-old responded, “I will do it again!”

Jousted the 70-year-old: “You’re a jerk.”

For the two men who had yet to clinch the signature bliss that is a free Costco cheeseburger sample, those were fighting words.

According to an incident report conducted by the Greenville City Police Department, the 70-year-old said the other man hit him on the right side of his head, knocking off his hat and glasses.

The 72-year-old perpetrator, who Costco staff described as wearing “a Hawaiian shirt,” left the store but was later tracked down by the police and said “that he did have an altercation with a man in Costco and that he hit the man’s hat off his head after the man got in his face,” according to the police report.

Honestly, I’d probably do the same if someone got between me and free cheese. [via Washington Post]

School Kids In Anderson, SC

About 45 minutes away from the Costco-cheese-crime-scene, kids on summer vacation were given some crappy news about their upcoming school year – no more snow days.

Now, snow days are far and few between in South Carolina, but when any flakes fly, school is generally canceled because cities and towns don’t own snow removal equipment. However, instead of enjoying a random day off caused by weather, kids in the Anderson School District 5 will now have to attend class online via Google Classroom with school-provided devices. No snow days means that the district won’t have to tack on extra days to the end of the school year to make up for days missed due to weather. Superintendent Tom Wilson said in a news release. “At the end of the day, it makes common sense and financial sense to implement this program. No longer will we need to run buses mid-June for a makeup day that only a quarter of our students attend.”

Sure, it makes good financial and common sense, but who doesn’t love a snow day?! [via FOX59]

Johnny Manziel

Okay, I really don’t want to knock a guy who has overcome mental health and substance abuse issues to make it back on the football field, I really don’t. But to say that Johnny Football’s return to the gridiron was anything but a disaster would be a lie.

Manziel returned to the field for the first time since 2015 on Friday night, playing for the Montreal Alouettes of the Canadian Football League. His second play was an interception, and it didn’t get much better from there, with four of his six first-half series ending in interceptions.

For his part, Manziel remained positive, saying, “This is a humbling experience. I’ve had this experience in the past, and there are two ways you go about this moving forward. One, you can let it get you down and sulk and harm you moving forward. The other way is to take this on the chin like a man and never let this taste creep back in your mouth again and never let it happen again. This will motivate me.”

Honestly, that’s a pretty healthy attitude. Good for you, Johnny..
[via New York Post] .

Image via Black Russian Studio / Shutterstock.com

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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