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Normally, I frame the start of this column that while my weekend was meh, the people featured below has it worse. Well, that’s not the case this week, because there’s no way possible that these people had a worse weekend than me, as I spent it painting the outside of my house in 90-plus degree heat. Yes, homeownership is awesome, but having to do things yourself because you are house-poor is not. I’m so sore that I can barely move my fingers to type this, but because I love you all, here it is.
Lindsay Lohan
Just when we thought that she had calmed down, Lindsay Lohan went on an epic social media rant on Saturday, accusing her 23-year-old Russian millionaire fiancé of cheating on her. Most of the posts have since been deleted, except for this one.
Other photos were captioned with:
“@e2505t thanks for not coming home tonight. Fame changes people.” (That would be Lohan’s fiancé, Egor Tarabasov)
“I guess I was the same at 23… Sh*tty time – it changes at 26/27.” (Obviously, Lohan would know about what the craziness that happens at 23)
“Wow thanks #fiance with Russian hooker @dasha_pa5h” (That’s Dasha Pashevkina, the creative director of PA5H, a clothing line)
Oh, Lindsay. What exactly did you think was going to happen with you got engaged to a 23-year-old with enough money to buy all of the vodka he wants? [via People]
People At the Brandywine Apartments in Amherst, MA
I went to school in Amherst, and while I never lived there, I frequented Brandywine my fair share. But I’m sure as hell thrilled that I wasn’t there this weekend, when one tenant decided to cook up something rather interesting.
The apartment complex was evacuated after tenants reported a noxious odor. After some investigation, fire officials found that the stank was coming from one tenant’s apartment. Because he was apparently attempting to cook his own urine.
According to The New York Post:
Assistant Fire Chief Lindsay Stromgren said the smell came from urine and possibly other chemicals. She said it was unclear what the man was trying to produce. He was identified, but hadn’t been criminally charged. A private cleanup company now has the chemicals.
On second thought, the peeps who work for that “private cleanup company” are probably having the worse weekend. [via New York Post]
Chris Sale
Heaven help anyone that tries to force me to wear something that I don’t want to. So I understand where White Sox pitcher Chris Sale was coming from this weekend. Of course, I wouldn’t take it as far as he did…but still.
Apparently, Sale was not happy with the front office’s choice to wear throwback uniforms during his start on Saturday. According to Bleacher Report:
Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports quoted a source who said, “Sale asked that they not wear (throwbacks) on his day because they are uncomfortable. Things escalated when they wouldn’t relent.”
And by escalated, it means that Sale took a knife to the jerseys they were so unwearable. As you can imagine, the team’s management was not happy.
Yikes. [via The Bleacher Report]
David Salmon
Who is David Salmon? Well, he’s this guy:
Salmon, from Dallas, flew off the slide at a private home near Lake Travis in the Austin area. According to Fox 7 Austin, “Rescue crews had a difficult time reaching Salmon because of the location of the slide. He ended up in the hospital with a broken arm, several broken ribs and had lacerations, cuts and bruises on his back.”
No word on how his ego is doing. [via Fox 7 Austin]
Porn-Loving Starbucks Customers
Do you enjoy watching a skin flick while waiting in line for your Frappuccino? Firing up some porn while sitting at Starbs sipping your peppermint mocha? Well, you are crap out of luck if you have been using the free wi-fi at everyone’s favorite coffee house to indulge in your porn habit. Because on Friday, Starbucks announced that x-rated websites will soon be blocked.
According to The Washington Times:
“Once we determine that our customers can access our free Wi-Fi in a way that also doesn’t involuntarily block unintended content, we will implement this in our stores,” Starbucks said in a statement to CNN. “In the meantime, we reserve the right to stop any behavior that interferes with our customer experience, including what is accessed on our free Wi-Fi.”
The move comes after McDonald’s, Chick-Fil-A, Panera Bread and Subway have implemented similar measures. So I guess you’re going to have to start watching your porn at home, while stealing your neighbors’ WiFi. [via The Washington Times].
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
No mention of Debbie Wasserman-Schultz?
I think NotBroke is one of those Massachusetts Democrats and chose to ignore those events.
Oh yeah, sounds about right.
My new aspiration in life is to have a private waterslide like that
I’d raise that goal to owning a better one that won’t throw you off the side of a cliff. That’s just me personally though.
Immediately thinking about insurance, liability, and costs incurred by a homeowner for this type of accident. PGP
Nah, live a little.
what is this world coming to where a guy cant watch porn while drinking his morning over priced coffee
More like Fappuccino
Wouldn’t be surprised if the Brandywine guy went to Hampshire College