Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Cleveland

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Well, friends – you’re probably reading this at work while I’m cruising to Mexico. Sucks to be you. I’d feel badly, except that my boss refuses to recognize that I’m on vacation and hit me with a flurry of “these need to be answered” emails on Sunday evening just as I was finding my groove in the ship casino.

But honestly, that bastard couldn’t even bring me down. I’m on vacation, I ate beignets in New Orleans, and I went to the Seahawks/Saints game at the Superdome in Patriots gear and managed to not get killed. All in all, it was a fantastic weekend for me. These people, though? Not so much.

Keith Washington

One would think that the person that had the worst time at the Patriots/Bills game on Sunday would be the loathsome Rex Ryan. And while I’m pretty sure the Buffalo coach is off somewhere drowning his sorrows over getting his ass handed to him by satisfying his foot fetish, the person that actually had the worse day was referee Keith Washington. Because Washington got to deal with this:

Yes, my friends, that’s exactly what you think that it is – a dildo that someone threw onto the field and into the Bills endzone… the same endzone where Rob Gronkowski made his Patriots-record-setting 69th (heh heh heh) career touchdown earlier in the game. Washington was left to remove the hopefully unused sex toy from the field after the players in the area moved out of the area. I fully approve of his method, particularly given that he wasn’t sporting medical gloves.

No word on what happened to the dildo…but my money’s on Gronk taking it home. [via Esquire]

Hilary Duff

If there’s a former child star that we expect to engage in offensive behavior, the safe bet is usually Lindsay Lohan or Shia LeBeouf. But this weekend, it was the usually squeaky clean Hilary Duff.

Duff and her personal-trainer-turned-boyfriend Jason Walsh showed up at Casamigos Halloween Party on Friday dressed as a sexy pilgrim (her) and a Native American chief (him). Here’s a pic:

Now, you would think that in a country where there are people who are legitimately pissed that we had a football team named the Redskins, Ms. Duff and her new significant other would be smarter than to show up in anything that could possibly be considered offensive. Nevermind that there’s a big situation right now involving Native Americans in North Dakota, who are protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline, which they believe will destroy sacred groups. So, of course, the internet attacked the artist formerly known as Lizzie MacGuire over the costumes, and she issued an apology via Twitter.

Oh, Hilary. Don’t you know that cultural appropriation is “So Yesterday”? [via Huffington Post]

Tom Hanks

Who doesn’t love Tom Hanks? Everyone does, right? Well, apparently, there’s one group who doesn’t – movie-goers this weekend.

Hanks’ film Inferno, the third film to be made from the Dan Brown book series, earned an estimated $15,000,000 at the box office, well below expectations. For comparison’s sake, the first film, The Da Vinci Code opened with $77 million its first weekend, while the second film in the series, Angels & Demons brought in $46.2 million during its opening bow.

So who beat America’s Dad at the box office? America’s favorite cross-dresser. Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween took first place for a second week in a row. Who did Perry take out last week? Another one of America’s favs – Tom Cruise in Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. Next thing you know, Perry’s going to be playing Maverick in the Top Gun sequel and Woody in Toy Story 4. But still…those Madea movies are hilarious. [via Business Insider]

Cleveland Browns Fans

Oh, Cleveland. Baseball and basketball have been going so good for you. But yet, you can’t get it together on the football field. In fact, a guy I know who is actually a Cleveland fan recently equated you to the third string of a high school football team and he’s legitimately not that far off. And while it looked like, for a hot minute at least, you may beat the Jets yesterday, it was not to be. But that wasn’t even the worst part of yesterday for you, was it? I mean, you’re 0-8, so losing isn’t anything new. But what apparently is new for you? Spelling.

Normally, I would mock the hell out of this, including the fact that you people actually spell dog “dawg” like a bad 90’s rapper, but you know what? Things are already so sad for Browns fans, I’ll just leave it alone. You all already feel bad enough. [via FoxSports]

Cleveland Indians Fans

Yeah, that baseball thing is going really well for Cleveland. So well that the majority of people thought that you’d wrap the World Series up on Sunday night. But no, you had to go ahead and lose game five, dragging this thing out into six games and torturing the city of Cleveland – a group of people that, given the above, had already had a pretty crappy Sunday. But I suppose if you win on Tuesday (at home, no less), all will be forgiven. .

Image via YouTube

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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