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Well, friends, it’s a holiday here in Boston, and yet I’m still at work. Patriots Day, believe it or not, is not a day in which we celebrate our beloved football team; instead it is “a civic holiday commemorating the anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first battles of the American Revolutionary War on April 19, 1775.” (Thanks, Wikipedia.) It’s also known as Marathon Monday (or the name of Mark Wahlberg’s new movie about the marathon bombing) and even though it’s a state holiday, it’s not a bank or market holiday, so I’m chilling in the office today. And by chilling, I mean that seriously – those of us who drew the short straw of having to come in spend the day watching the marathon and eating pizza. So it’s not the best of Mondays or the worst of Mondays. But at least I had a better weekend than these people.
This Snake
Okay, I don’t usually feel bad for reptiles. In fact, the idea of them gives me the shivers. But I do feel bad for anything/anyone that gets abandoned.
Tenants in an apartment building in Flushing, Queens, NY found a 7-foot black python in their building garbage chute on Sunday morning. Luckily the snake was caged, but not-so-luckily for the pet, it looked like he had been abandoned.
Police removed the giant serpent and delivered it to an animal clinic, where the owner eventually showed up to claim the snake.
So, not only did this poor guy get abandoned, shoved in a laundry chute in a cage, but then he has to go home with the person that did that to him in the first place? Crappy weekend for that slithering fella. [via The New York Daily News]
Brok Neilson
Neilson probably thought he was doing something romantic when he posted on Facebook that he had seen the “girl of his dreams” in a supermarket, in Australia, and asked for the public’s help in identifying her. While some people found his post cute, others found it straight up creepy, and he is now facing some serious backlash.
Backstory: Brok and a buddy were shopping when they spotted the woman and snapped a pic of her from behind. Brok’s bud then made a post to the store’s website asking for help finding the woman, the store came back with a cheeky reply, and the story went viral.
And then people started to wonder if Brok’s quest for the girl in the veggie aisle was more creepy than romantic.
.@9NewsAUS why are you and Woolworths encouraging cyberstalking? https://t.co/QXHUJwOddH?
— Bernard Keane (@BernardKeane) April 13, 2016
This is bordering on sexual harassment. How is she the girl of your dreams if you didn't speak to her, mate? https://t.co/wBY8bKXhlP
— Gabrielle Jackson (@gabriellecj) April 13, 2016
'How sweet. A man took a photo of a girl w/o her knowing & now cyber stalks her for a date. True love.'https://t.co/W10KddObBZ
— AB Film Review (@ABFilmReview) April 13, 2016
No word on if the lady in the white shorts has come forward, but I’m betting it’s a bit fat no. [via Mashable]
Prosecco Drinkers
It’s no secret that I hate brunch, but I do enjoy a good mimosa. Unfortunately for me – and all of you – it looks like the cheap-o versions of the bubbly orange breakfast staple may be getting harder to find.
While the more expensive version of the mimosa is made with champagne, those of us who are balling on a budget go with the version made with prosecco. And we aren’t the only ones: according to The Daily Mail, the people of Britain drank 40 million liters of Prosecco last year, which is 8 times as much as they did in 2012 and the market for the sparkling wine in the country is worth more than 330 million pounds, up 72% from the year before.
So what’s the problem? With the increased demand, some are wondering if the “prosecco bubble” (whatever the hell that is) is about the burst. Toby Magill, of market research firm IRI, said that “Supply is finite. Demand is growing everywhere in the world so there’s a limit on what retailers can get their hands on.” Meaning the prices could definitely go up as demand does.
If you need me, I’ll be at the liquor store stocking up for my at-home Sunday staple of mimosas and pancakes. [via The Daily Mail]
Golden State Warriors Fans
I must admit that I don’t follow professional basketball that closely. Hell, my hometown Celtics are in the playoffs and I’m just pretty meh about it. But even I know who Steph Curry is and I know that his being injured isn’t good for Golden State fans.
Curry is listed as questionable for Monday’s playoff game after he rolled his ankle in the second quarter of Saturday’s Game 1 win over the Houston Rockets.
Even Warriors coach Steve Kerr admits that Curry is pretty much indispensable to the Warriors. He said after Sunday’s practice (at which Curry was present but did not participate), “Kind of changes things. We don’t seem to be as good of a coaching staff when Steph goes out. I don’t know why.” He then added, “Steph missed three or four games this year. We did fine. We’ve got to find different ways to score, but we’ll prepare for that and see what happens.”
Mmm, fine isn’t exactly the word: the team went 2-1 in the games that Curry didn’t play during the regular season, and were outscored when Curry is on the bench.
Golden State may be crap out of luck if Curry takes a bit to recover, but at least the boss will be happy.
I hope Steph Curry's ankle fucking explodes.
— Ross Bolen (@WRBolen) April 16, 2016
[via ESPN]
Everyone That Doesn’t Live In St. Joseph, Missouri
Okay, this is actually one of the best pieces of news ever, but only if you live within driving distance of St. Joe. Because McDonald’s is opening a location there that has the one thing we have all been dreaming of: all-you-can-eat French fries.
Sure, this franchise of the future is going to feature other things, such as touch screens that allow you to customize your burger and interactive play tables, but who the hell cares? We are talking about UNLIMITED FRENCH FRIES HERE. So does anyone know of any job openings in St. Joe? Or where the hell it is? [via The Daily Dot] .
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Wait, Prosecco is the go-to for cheap mimosas? I’ve been doing Andre or Cook’s for longer than I’d care to admit, and they’re half the price of Prosecco. Maybe I’m just an extra cheap brunch date, but that’s why I’m Team Home Brunch.
I was just as surprised as you were when I read this because I’ve been using vodka mixed with club soda and Sunny Delight.
You’re a damn genius.
I’m on team Andre for mimosas
So that “Alex from Target” bullshit is totally acceptable, when when the genders are reversed only then it’s only creepy/stalker-ish? Such a bullshit double standard
I’m back and forth on whether I agree with you. I mean, yeah, it’s kinda creepy when anyone becomes internet famous against their will or without their knowledge. But people on the internet tend to be less creepy toward guys. But also, people were pretty creepy toward Alex from Target.
Why anyone would have a pet snake is beyond me. And tough luck for the Australian dude, so are we saying all the people on Craigslist missed connections and the like are stalkers too now?
I feel like people who have snakes as pets are just really addicted to the idea of potentially being bitten/attacked deep down. However, a family relative of mine trapped an eastern diamondback and kept it as a pet one time but I think that just stemmed from pure stupidity thinking he was capable of keeping a deadly serpent
Keeping something that can kill me that easily as a pet just seems like a really poor life choice.
unless its a tiger.
Honestly, that sounds like something that would be way more fun to talk about than actually have and take care of.
Curry’s fine. He played a bit after injuring that ankle and seemed ok. If he sits tonight it may just be so that he can rest it “just in case” and because we don’t really need him to destroy the Rockets at home again.
I’d say we still have a legitimate chance of sweeping this dysfunctional team even if Steph sits the rest of the series. Sit him and play it safe…in Bogut we trust.
They should probably rest their players against the Rockets anyway to get ready for the real playoff teams
I went to grad school near St. Joseph. No amount of fries would bring me back to that shithole. Now, free, unlimited Schlafly, on the other hand….
I don’t live in St. Joseph so I had a worse weekend than myself? Unless you have inter dimensional capabilities, I question your knowledge on the subject because my weekend was fucking fantastic.