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It’s the end of the year, and while we head into 2019 with best hopes and wishes for the new year to come, it’s also a time to reflect on the year that was. What went well for us? What could we have done differently? And of course, who can we mock because their 2018 was a hellish nightmare that can only make your lackluster year look diamond-bright in comparison?
Sure, he welcomed a (very cute) baby with 2018’s It Woman, Cardi B, but otherwise, Offset’s 2018 was not great.
Things were quiet until July, when the Migos rapper was arrested on felony gun charges in Clayton County, Georgia after three guns and marijuana were found when the Porsche 911 he was driving was pulled over for failing to maintain its lane. It really may be time to hire a driver, buddy.
Of course, the worst of it for Offset came in December, when, following his break up with Cardi, he took to the stage at one of her shows to try woo her back and she was just not having it. Arrests and robberies are one thing, but public humiliation? That’s a rough way to end the year.
People Who Like To Eat
So, basically everyone that are the kind of people I want to know.
But seriously, was there a food that didn’t get recalled this year? Turkey, cereal, Spam, eggs, melon, and even the plain water of food, lettuce, fell victim to food safety recalls. And nevermind that Chipotle made people sick again.
You know what’s never been recalled? Cheez-its. See, my food choices are healthy!
It’s pretty hard to feel bad for a dude that’s worth upwards of $22 billion dollars, but despite his riches, 2018 was just not Mr. Musk’s year.
Back in June, Musk’s Tesla was hit by corporate espionage, when one of the employees at the company’s Freemont, CA plant “confessed to “quite extensive and damaging sabotage to our operations,” according to an email Musk sent to employees. The timing wasn’t great, since production at the time was ramping up on the Model 3.
Then in August, Musk made the news for not sleeping and then getting into a Twitter beef with Ariana Huffington about it for reasons no one really understood:
Ford & Tesla are the only 2 American car companies to avoid bankruptcy. I just got home from the factory. You think this is an option. It is not.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 19, 2018
Finally, in September, the SEC filed suit against Musk regarding tweets he sent stating he had secured the funding to take Tesla private, driving up the stock price when he had not actually obtained any such funding. The suit led to a $20 million fine for Musk personally, plus him agreeing to step down as chairman of Tesla.
Still, $22 billion dollars.
Grayson Allen and Duke
Nothing gives me more pleasure than to include human piece of garbage Grayson Allen in this year’s roundup. I’d love to say his 2018 taught him a little about humility, but that would be giving him too much credit.
Allen headed into 2018 shaking off the publicizing of his Tinder messages in December 2017, which only served to reinforce his douchiness:
But the team’s woes really started in January, when the No. 2 ranked Blue Devils lost to an unranked NC State. I share Wolfpack’s Abdul-Malik Abu’s emotion:
Abu’s face 😳😳😳 pic.twitter.com/HyKi9w0gXI
— Mark Armstrong (@ArmstrongABC11) January 7, 2018
Things didn’t get that much better in February, when St. John’s took down Duke 81-77 to Madison Square Garden. Coach K (who I actually don’t hate) was not pleased, saying, “It was disgusting, really.”
Then came March, when Duke was eliminated from Elite 8 in March Madness by Kansas, despite a buzzer beater attempt by ol’ Grayson:
GOODNESS GRACIOUS. Grayson Allen was a slight roll away from becoming a Duke Icon. pic.twitter.com/NxLqC3465s
— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) March 25, 2018
Sorry, rip-off Christian Laettner. Hope you’re having fun in the G-League.
Didn’t it seem like it was the year of firing coaches? A recap of some gone too soon (from their jobs):
And those are only the ones that I covered in this column: let’s not forget the Browns’ Hue Jackson, the Texas Rangers’ Jeff Banister and the hottie from Texas Tech, Kliff Kingsbury.
The coach who won 2018? The Providence Friars head basketball coach Ed Cooley, who just went with it when his pants split up the back during a game back in March:
Providence Coach Ed Cooley is so into the Big East title game that he ripped his pants. pic.twitter.com/EX0oKmWhYL
— Tom Jolly (@TomJolly) March 11, 2018
May we all be a little more like Ed in 2019. .