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Before we get to mocking some people that had a relatively crappy 2017, there are actually a lot of people who legitimately had a worse 2017 than you, particularly those who were affected by Hurricanes Maria, Irma and Harvey, as well as the wildfires in California. While we celebrate the New Year, there are still people in Puerto Rico without power more than three months after Hurricane Maria hit. So as you make your resolutions, perhaps one of them can be to make a donation to people who are working to help these U.S. citizens, such as World Central Kitchen or Direct Relief.
Now let’s kick off 2018 by mocking some people, shall we?
The artist formerly known as Maverick is one of the celebs to have the distinct honor of appearing in this column two times during 2017, dethroning Shia LaBeouf as my reigning favorite celebrity target. Tom did have it rough in 2017 – first, he was injured on the set of Mission Impossible 6 and then his version of The Mummy absolutely tanked. Plus there was all that bad press around Scientology. But let’s be honest – all will be forgiven after we get the Top Gun sequel.
In doing research for this roundup, I discovered that Mr. Shkreli appeared not once, not twice, but three times in this column during 2017. In case you have forgotten, Shkreli is the bottom feeder that raised the price of Daraprim (pyrimethamine), a 62-year-old drug used to treat AIDS, to $750 a tablet from $13.50 after his company, Turing Pharmaceuticals, acquired it.
Shkreli started off 2017 with bang, getting himself banned from Twitter for harassing journalist Lauren Duca.
I would rather eat my own organs pic.twitter.com/IgeCRZqk8w
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) January 5, 2017
Then, the next week (literally), Shkreli was hit in the face with dog poop while appearing at UC Davis with the equally loveable Milo Yiannopoulos (who is also banned from Twitter).
— Frances Wang (@FrancesWangTV) January 14, 2017
And then finally, Shkreli rounded out his 2017 appearances by being convicted in a federal fraud case in August; he’ll be sentenced this month, but he’s already in jail, having had his bail revoked for posting a $5,000 reward for a strand of Hillary Clinton’s hair on Facebook.
The cherry on the sundae for this gross human being: this will be the last time I write about him. Rot in hell, buddy.
If Donald Trump was a wizard instead of President, I would definitely believe that he placed a curse this year on his one of his favorite Twitter targets, the NFL. First, there were the injuries: Carson Wentz, Zach Miller, Carson Palmer, Aaron Rodgers , Odell Beckham Jr., and Ryan Tannehill all went down with some pretty serious injuries that had some pretty big effects: the Green Bay Packers missed the playoffs and Jay Cutler got a job. I’m not sure which one of those seemed more unbelievable when the season started, but here we are.
And then there were the calls: the Buffalo Bills, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the New York Jets were all victims of totally blown calls. Of course, those first two were against my beloved Patriots, so personally, I had a pretty good football year.
This year was likely tough for you if you were a frequent flyer of the friendly skies. Over the course of the year, people got stuck in the Atlanta airport with no power, travelers were no longer allowed to wear UGGs, long flights were turned back halfway through, pets were lost, and anyone that ever been forced to take Air France realized it sucks. I’d say that I’d stay home in 2018, but given that I’ve got six flights booked in January, that doesn’t seem to be in the plans.
Teeth were flying all over the sports world this year, from Isaiah Thomas:
You can actually see the tooth fly out of Isaiah Thomas' mouth, and then he goes to pick it up off the floor pic.twitter.com/nIDsV462sM
— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) April 30, 2017
to Chris Iannetta:
Chris Iannetta suffered a couple of fractured teeth and a fractured nose after taking a fastball to the face: https://t.co/f5RWde47aK
— SB Nation (@SBNation) May 14, 2017
to Jimmy Vesey.
— Jimmy Vesey (@19Vesey) November 11, 2017
As a result, one group of people probably having a good year? Dentists.
Donald Trump Jr.
— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) April 15, 2017
That's better. pic.twitter.com/n8wlE9KapO
— 🇬🇧💙Jordan❤ 🇬🇧 (@TheArcher98) April 16, 2017
Donald Trump Jr. looks like a scarecrow that a bank leaves on a foreclosed farm. pic.twitter.com/1Udvbc02dQ
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 18, 2017
Might be time to cancel that Instagram account, Junior. .
Image via a katz / Shutterstock.com