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While this is the age of the clickbait headlines, nothing this year has really grabbed my attention. Between the rash of great celebs passing on and the insanity of the presidential election, nothing I’ve seen has really stood above. I took it upon myself to imagine what it would really take in 2016 to break the internet.
“I Believe Ryan Lochte”
I’ll be damned if Ryan actually didn’t get robbed at gunpoint.
“An Interview With Hillary’s Body Double”
An inside look at the woman who spends half her time playing the healthy version of the Democratic candidate.
“Obama Changes National Anthem to ‘Panda'”
How POTUS came up with a compromise on the Kaepernick situation that everyone could support.
“Tomi Lahren Wins Nobel Peace Prize”
Hot Take Tomi screams her way from the Facebook page of your most obnoxious friend to world peace.
“Why ‘Suicide Squad’ Is The Greatest Motion Picture Of Our Time”
Rotten Tomatoes score be damned.
“Taylor Swift: ‘My Breakups Were My Fault'”
Gyllenhaal, Jonas, Harris, Styles; Taylor breaks down where she went so wrong.
“Kris Jenner Begins Female to Male Transition”
The Kardashian matriarch-turned-patriarch gives Star Magazine the details on her new show From Kris to Kristof.
“Will deFries’ Yeezy’s Confirmed To Be Fake”
A devastated deFries details how his bloodthirsty pursuit of Yeezy’s led him to cut corners and cheat his way to shoe immortality.
“Royal Family To Name Next Child ‘Harambe'”
British citizens rejoice upon hearing that their potential future King will be named after a slain gorilla.
“Need Some Excitement In Your Life? Gentleman’s Duels Now Legal In Arkansas”
Lawmakers think the revenue from pay-per-view gentleman’s duels could turn Arkansas into an economic powerhouse.
“Chris Christie’s Fupa To Be Studied By Harvard Med”
The New Jersey governor’s massive front ass is a scientific marvel, and now Harvard will try to figure out how that’s possible.
“EXCLUSIVE: How Prince And David Bowie Stayed Undercover At A Wyoming Bed & Breakfast”
We all knew there’s no way 2016 could be that cruel, as the megastars detail their new album and world tour.
“White Guys Over Butts; Decide To Return To Liking Boobs”
Culminating with Justin Bieber’s new song I Really Like Boobs Now, white guys see the light again.
“Florida Couple Actually Goes On Free Cruise Promised By Telemarketer”
Who knew that all you had to do was actually follow through with that automated phone call.
“John Duda Dresses Normal To Work; Uses Condom Later That Night”
JohnnyD makes the switch to button down/slacks/deal sleds during the day and a Trojan at night.
“Miss South Carolina Provides Perfect Solution To Defeat ISIS”
President Obama awards her a Medal of Freedom, ruins her swimsuit when he puts it on.
“Former Reality TV Star Donald Trump Wins GOP Presidential Nomination”
FoxNews details how an orange skinned, blatant racist who’s first two marriages ended due to his own infidelity that he boasted about, who has zero knowledge of what is required to be president and who’s only policy is to build a wall and ban Muslims became the nominee of the Republican Party.
What a year..
Image via Shutterstock
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
“Will DeFries stands by his semi-hot take”
RIP the football article yesterday. I actually thought it was funny, but I’m sure he got some hate on it.
Ah damnit. I was busy as hell yesterday. What did I miss?
In summary, Willy lived up to his beta-male status.
He wrote an article titled something like What She Says vs What She Means with regards to Football. Essentially breaking down things you’d hear Girl (TGDAG) say or any basic chick when talking about football.
Except he also included some funny ones in there that apply to men and women asking stupid football questions and what not. I’m still trying to decide: who is softer, Will or the people who get butthurt about his articles?
I’d lock down Tomi Lahren in a heartbeat
Perpetual fear boner
How many Harambes are there going to be tearing up middle schools in 2030?
Your mentioning of 2030 makes me feel sad and old. thx
At least you got to grow old. #RIPHarambe
I won’t make it there so I’m unphased
Pretty sure the Duda headline is the least believable.
“John Duda Outed as Infamous ‘Steve Holt'”
ISWYDT