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Nobody knows less about dating than I do. At least that’s the general consensus of you, the Peej community. And that’s fine, and whether the jokes are in good fun or born of malice, it’s the joke that keeps on giving. And whether I truly know what a “date” is or is not, I do know this: I’ve gone on some great dates, some bad ones, and everything in between. I’ve gone on hot streaks like DiMaggio and cold streaks like Andy Stitzer, girls have come and gone and I road the wave where it took me.
And after a handful of serious girlfriends, some not-so-serious hookups, some time stuck in the FriendZone (wink wink), and a few moves from college, to Boston, to home, to New York, I’ve come across enough dating experience to write a manifesto, just like my main man PlaysWithSquirrels. And just like Eric Matthews, no matter how big the manifesto looks, there’s only one solid piece of advice you’ll really need. For PlaysWithSquirrels, it was “lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.”
For me, my manifesto will simply read: “Just. Say. Yes.”
I truly believe that just saying “yes” is the best advice I could give to anyone stuck in a dating rut. Because if you’re in a rut, I guarantee you that you’ve been saying “no” a lot. And saying “no” manifests in a myriad of ways. Swiping left? That’s saying no. Not texting the girl whose number you got at the bar? That’s saying no. Not going out on a Friday night when your friends are all going out? That’s saying no.
We all get stuck in our bad habits, whether that be continuing to put my bookie’s kids through private school (fyi this is a cry for help, mom, please put me in Gamblers Anonymous), or taking a few days off from the gym and then realizing it has been weeks since you’ve been under a squat rack. But breaking bad dating habits is as easy as breaking a Trojan. All you have to do is just say “yes” to situations that might put yourself in the position to break your bad habits.
If you’re single, I bet that you’re on dating apps (but maybe not since every time I seem to bet I’m on the losing end so what the hell do I know), but if you’re on dating apps, I bet you tend to match with the same type of people over and over and over again. Because I get it, you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. But if you keep striking out on the same type of pitch, you got to make the adjustment. If you’re only looking for a dude who’s over 6′ tall, and it’s not working out for you? Fuck it, try going out with a guy who struggles to meet the minimum height for the rides at Six Flags. Only interested in dating a blonde? Well, change it up, find a brunette. Or a red head!
Point is, I know we like what we like. If I lined up photos of all the girls I’ve dated, the theme of short brown-eyed brunettes would be apparent. But the girl I’m going steady with now? Taller blue-eyed blonde, because instead of writing her off as “not my type,” I gave it a shot and it turned out that she was perfect for me. Because dating successfully isn’t just finding someone that checks a few arbitrary boxes that you think need to be checked. We’re all complex individuals and you never know who you’re truly going to connect with until you really give it a shot.
And giving it a shot means saying yes to that second date, even when maybe date number one was a bit awkward. Giving it a shot means saying “fuck it” and swiping right on someone who maybe normally you wouldn’t. Giving it a shot means saying yes to your friends when they’re all going out and you really don’t want to for a number of bullshit reasons. Putting yourself in a position to be successful in dating means saying “yes” way more than saying “no.”
Except for butt stuff; you’re still allowed to say no to that. .