Everything I’ve Done This Week To Deter Me From Success: Week Of February 9

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It’s been a busy week at the office. Between myself and the four other people on my team, we’ve had to present on roughly six projects and do write-ups on three of them, all of which need to be done by Friday. When it comes to stressful situations like these, I typically have one of two reactions: charge into battle with my sword drawn and a thirst for blood, or hide in a call room while listening to Bright Eyes and ignore my problems. It’s like Fight or Flight for the office.

Everyone has been on edge. There have been major changes implemented to our workflows happening so frequently that we can barely keep up. Between jumping from one conference room to the next and slinging back coffee after coffee, I decided to take it upon myself to be the head of morale for the week. Naturally, that came with some setbacks from my attempt to achieve success. Here are some things that I’m referencing.

Started a meeting by playing “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” over the P.A.

This week, I learned that there is a time and a place for Belinda Carlisle. I don’t know exactly what the time and place are, but I know that they aren’t 2:30 p.m. and in a meeting with you boss’ boss. Especially when that meeting with your boss’ boss is to go over how you’re doing with regards to the new KPI’s that have been put in place for you, one of which is professionalism.

Got sidetracked for half an hour while researching how to properly trim your beard.

Back in late September-early October, I told myself that I wanted to be a Beard Guy. I told everyone at work that I was going to be a Beard Guy by spring, and here we are. It’s February and I’m getting nicknames like “Grizzly” and “Fuzz Face.” My boots that I bought are scuffed up, hands are rough, and head is full of whimsical folk tunes. The only problem is that my beard has gotten too bushy and I need to trim it down. I want to do it myself, but honestly, I’m pretty nervous I’ll fuck it up. In times like these, where better to go than the internet?

(Note: You might be thinking that I should go to a barbershop, but that would cost money—money that I could be spending on alcohol.)

Sure, I learned a lot, but should I have been taking time out of my workday to do this? Probably not.

Set up a Skype meeting for the sole purpose of figuring out nightlife in Phoenix.

On Sunday, I’m going to be traveling to Phoenix on business, and I’ll be there for a full week. After the actual work week, I’m planning on dabbling in the local culture and sightseeing (read: drinking). Under the guise of “touching base on what next week will look like,” I set up a Skype call with some counterparts out West.

What started out with talking about the rundown of what needed to get done, and then transitioned into my goals for when I’m there — one of which is to get a more local view into the city. This could not have been a better approach because now I have standing invitations to bars and hiking trips and taco places, all of which are my favorite things. Nice work, Charlie.

Got sick during my birthday celebration.

Sometime between Friday and Sunday, I came down with a shit show of a cold. It’s been hard to shake, no matter how much tea I drink or how much Emergen-C I mix into my water bottles. Aside from the fact that I can’t breathe through my nose or that I’m tired all the time, this cold has caused me to sound like an 80-year-old man who smokes two packs every day. No matter what I say, no matter when or how I say it, it sounds patronizing and sarcastic. So when I put myself in charge of morale and tell my team, “Hey guys, I know this week’s been rough, but let’s keep our heads up out there and keep crushing it,” everybody rolls their eyes.

Would I call this week a win? Yes, yes I would. I think I’ve had more productivity this week than any of the past. Do I think there were areas for improvement? Of course, and that’s why I’m going to keep grinding. .

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Charlie

Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.

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