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The holidays are a time for family, friends, and Instagram likes. There’s something about getting home and opening your parents’ wreath-covered door that makes you become as thirsty as possible for a festive photo that’ll get you into triple figure likes. There are only a few times every year that you get to bask in the glory that is your parents’ house. The blankets. The couch. The fireplace. They’re begging to get documented, right? Here’s every basic ass thing you’ll see on Instagram this holiday season as a result of this phenomenon.
A cutesy poke-your-head-out-from-behind-the-Christmas-tree photo from the lot.
The entire family in matching Christmas pajamas.
A pair of boots standing, feet together, in freshly fallen snow.
Plates full of food with the caption: “Diet starts January 1.”
Holiday nails, which are just regular nails but covered in red, green, silver, or gold glitter.
An unwrapped Secret Santa gift, captioned: “She knows me too well #soulmates”
A selfie with their parents’ dogs, complete with the #squad or #squaddeep hashtag.
Heavily decorated Christmas cookies because “Calories don’t count during the holidays.”
The Isaiah scripture about “a child is born,” complete with praise hands emoji.
A quaintly set dining room table featuring centerpieces blooming with pine cones, garlands, and ornaments decorated in sparkles.
Arm extended, hot chocolate in hand, with a fireplace raging in the background.
#TBT to a photo of them crying their eyes out on Santa’s lap as a 3-year-old.
Candidly laughing with the entire family in a photo taken with a selfie stick, which is inherently not candid.
A couple’s photo where she forced him to wear a cowl neck sweater, captioned “#holibae.”
The entire family dressed for church, complete with every pattern of Christmas plaid in existence.
Hikes in the “woods” where in reality they are only 3-feet off the trail and only stepped off the trail in the first place for the photo.
“Drinks with (insert mom’s abbreviated first name here)” because everyone is soooo crazy for drinking with their mom.
Macaroons, which have somehow replaced sprinkled donuts as the most Instagrammable junk food.
Overexposed and contrasty Christmas tree photos of trees that you didn’t even help decorate.
Dogs in sweaters. Or any outerwear, for that matter.
Secret Santa gift exchange selfies with high school friends that you never keep in touch with anymore.
A closeup of a candle burning at the midnight church service on Christmas Eve.
Any photo of you doing something that Drake would never do accompanied by a Drake quote as the caption.
Standing innocently in front of the Christmas tree in a onesie and chunky socks.
An engagement photo. Because of course. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
“Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal”
Thanks for making the work week between Christmas and New Years bearable for me.
I gotta go with Cousin Eddie on this one. The shitter is, indeed, full.
Barf