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After my girlfriend and I started dating, she gave me 3 simple rules: no mullet, no mustache, and no Hawaiian shirts. The official rule is she will not be seen in public with me if I am in one of my ridiculous Hawaiian shirts. Why is our culture anti-comfort? I guess she will never understand what it’s like to be dressed in an obnoxiously floral patterned silk shirt with the top 3 buttons unbuttoned. I know most of you are thinking that she’s basically Satan, but she’s actually pretty great.
The mullet makes sense to me. As much as I wish I was living the life in 1986, it’s actually 2016. Sometimes I dream I am sitting in the infield at Talladega, with my mullet slicked back screaming, “RAISE HELL AND PRAISE DALE!” but then I wake up, get out of bed and drive one hour to sit at a desk for the next nine. I work in defense contracting with a bunch of retired military guys, and the mullet wouldn’t fly. Neither really would the mustache, so I’m not mad about that either. I have had mustache goals my entire life, but a mustache makes me look like the next Jared Fogle. There are a select few that can proudly rock a ‘stache (shout out to JohnnyD), and I salute you all.
However, I love Hawaiian shirts. There is just something beautiful, something intangible, about wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Maybe it’s the fact that I love making a fashion statement because you can find a Hawaiian shirt with every pattern imaginable. I have more neutral and relaxed shirts, but I also have flamboyant and extreme shirts. I also love the comfort of a Hawaiian shirt. I used to wear my old practice jerseys from college when I was lounging around, but the Hawaiian shirt has changed the pajama game forever. I’m not talking about cheap shirts either; I only buy the good stuff. 100% silk. The Hawaiian shirt is also able to be worn in almost any situation. All you have to do is button a certain amount of buttons for each situation. Headed to the beach? No buttons. Concert? Undo the top 3 buttons. Wedding? Start with the top button unbuttoned, then slowly graduate to completely unbuttoned. Work? That’s your call. I work with a guy who wears one to the office every day, and he usually leaves the top button unbuttoned. Funeral? Okay, you probably shouldn’t wear a Hawaiian shirt to a funeral.
It’s time for America to welcome the Hawaiian shirt in all social settings. When I think of Hawaiian shirts, I think of icons like Tom Selleck, Elvis, Robert DeNiro, and my main man Jimmy Buffet. These are real men that show the Hawaiian shirt is a modern fashion staple. People view the Hawaiian shirt as informal, but I view it as professional. They think the shirt is ridiculous, but I think it’s sexy. I just want to be able to go to the grocery store in my Hawaiian shirt and not be looked at like I’m a unicorn. This is 2016, and it’s time to be more tolerant of the Hawaiian shirt crowd.
There’s 3 feet of snow outside right now, so I am mailing it in and working from home. I’ll just wear my Hawaiian shirt and dream of better days. I hope that one day my children can grow up in a country where men can wear a Hawaiian shirt wherever they go.
Wake up America, it’s time to embrace the Hawaiian shirt..
Image via Shutterstock
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Taking shots at Will early on and now picking up a Shibby cause. You’re coming on strong.
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#YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts
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Been rocking the Hawaiian shirt since my dad made a habit of bringing them back for me from business trips to Hawaii in the ’90s (defense contractor, trips to Pearl). They’re perfect for parties, and for projecting the “fuck you I’m chilling” image. I wore one for my last meeting with the big shots at the company that laid me off 5-6 years ago, great success.
Is it possible to wear a mustache and Hawaiian shirt better than Tom Selleck?
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Nope.
Tommy Bahama is the only way to do Hawaiians right!
Recently upgraded my Hawaiian shirt repertoire on a trip to Hawaii.
Boss is working remotely today. It’s currently 25 degrees with snow expected overnight. So here I sit at my desk on a Monday, in a blue floral print with a questionable, yet healthy amount of chest lettuce peeking through an unfastened top button.
“Chest lettuce”, amazing imagery.
Chest lettuce makes me think of the bag of shredded iceberg I bought at HEB for the taco Tuesday setup we’re having at Casa de Rico mañana noche.
I also once witnessed an older (50s) relative in my family wear a Hawaiian-print polo shirt to a mid-level gentleman’s club and it was like he was wearing a suit made of money. Something about a middle-aged man in a Hawaiian-print shirt tucked into his jeans screams “I’m going to spend a shitload of money on strippers” to strippers. They were not wrong.
Looks like you me and Shibby needs to do a Brotherhood of the Traveling Hawaiin shirt. He’s got quite a collection. Thoughts?
I think you just created the next great PGP series. Let’s do it.
If it’s the floral pattern that’s throwing off a too casual of vibe, might I recommend linen. Tucked or untucked, works with jeans, shorts, or khakis. It’s classic, light, breathable, and quite simply put, glorious in the summer.