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Eating a good, quality bagel is very close to a religious experience for me. It is without a doubt my favorite breakfast food on Earth. Bagels are a reason to get up out of bed in the morning, the perfect companion to a piping hot cup of Cafe Bustelo.
I can go lightly toasted with cream cheese or with a couple of eggs and sausage – the bagel is a work of art no matter what you put on it.
And in some cases, the bagel’s step-brother, the donut, is also a vision. Artisanal donuts are all the rage right now. It’s not uncommon in 2018 to see them doused in pistachio-based glaze or even gold dust, a long ways away from the traditional plain glaze or cinnamon sugar donut that one would find rotting the day away inside of a gas station or convenience store.
In many ways, the donut and the bagel are similar. Both cylindrical in shape with a hole in the center, they start out as dough – nothing more, nothing less.
After completion, however, bagels and donuts are yin and yang, complete opposites in every way. Just two ships passing each other in the night. Donuts (at least as a meal in the morning) are for the philistine – the sweet-toothed maniac who decides that a deep-fried piece of dough with sugary glaze is exactly what they need to start their morning out correctly. For those of you who call themselves “morning people,” how can you possibly justify eating a donut in the morning as opposed to a bagel? It’s gross, man.
The bagel is for a man or woman on the go – it is a vehicle for protein and nutrition. But this conversation about the superiority of a bagel compared to the donut could never be centered around being healthy. A bagel is sort of like eating an entire loaf of bread which, as we all know, is not something that most health-conscious people would advise doing. So while I understand that a bagel has its own negative health connotations, comparing the two feels like night and day. The optics of a donut compared to a bagel just aren’t good.
There is no denying that a donut is a delicious treat and I enjoy them just as much as the next person, but how they became a breakfast food is beyond me.
If you break a donut down to its ingredients it is sort of like heading over to a local mini-mart and buying a couple of candy bars or a pack of sour straws for breakfast.
You know that feeling of guilt, shame, and indigestion in your stomach after eating a bag of candy in your bed whilst watching a movie? I know I am not the only person who has done that before, and I get that same disgusting feeling every time I eat a donut for breakfast. I just feel gross physically and emotionally.
Eating a donut as a dessert after dinner or as a snack during the middle of the afternoon is understandable. Making a donut the base meal of your entire day is looney tunes. I guess, in a way, I understand that a sugary donut is going to give you a little bit of a boost, but isn’t that what we have coffee for? I think the donut would be better classified as a dessert in the evening. Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme have staked their entire reputation on donuts being a breakfast food, and I realize that this blog isn’t going to be the smoking gun that brings them down. People will always eat donuts for breakfast regardless of what one shithead blogger has to say about the subject, I just find it repulsive and childish. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
*Six Months from Now* “The Lost Art of Donuts for Breakfast”
You’re disgusting and I donut need this kind of negativity in my life.
I almost glazed right over this pun
i really don’t think bagels are much better for you than donuts…
I’m on a diet right now, and all I can keep thinking about is how I am going to eat a donut first thing when I wake up on my chest day. You are so wrong on this take.
Donuts are the easy part to cut out, the tough part is choosing your diet over socializing
Since I turned 28, I can only booze at most one day a week. My body has already shut down my socializing.
Cheat*
I just thought you were absolutely going to demolish chest day so donuts didn’t matter.
A coffee and donut once in a while is a great way to start the day, but it shouldn’t be someone’s regular breakfast routine
My boyfriend lives next to the best jelly donut I’ve had in my life. I ate about 70 in the first 6 months of our relationship. I’ve calmed down recently but don’t regret one of them.
thought at first you were talking about Jelly in Denver, which does in fact have some of the best donuts
My favorite thing about Duda is I can tell if he wrote an article or not just based on the subject and title.
The fact the Krispy Kreme is open 24/7 shows they aren’t banking on it being a breakfast food. It’s more like the Waffle House of desserts.
What about the artisanal donuts that add things like bacon, creme filling, etc.
I’m a bagel guy myself but I think your viewpoint is a little narrow.