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Last Sunday, I attended a housewarming party that made me feel inadequate. Up until the point where I stepped into the foyer of this large two story home, I felt that I did a pretty good job of not judging myself against other people’s accomplishments.
That’s unhealthy behavior and, as a rational person, I know that success comes for people at different times. I know that a lot of my friends make more money than I do and have nicer things and that doesn’t bother me. However, the level of success that was put on display at this housewarming party last weekend was unlike anything else I had seen before. No one my age has their shit together quite like this woman and her fiance do.
I’m not a wealthy man by any means but I get by. I can afford to go out on a Saturday night and not wince when I check my bank account the next morning. Sometimes I’ll even buy a pair of shoes that I don’t need because I want them and I can. What I don’t have is an aesthetically pleasing apartment, and that fact was made all too apparent when I sipped sparkling water next to an expensive gas grill and sat on patio furniture that wasn’t stained with cigarette ash and Miller Lite.
I’m not joking when I tell you that every inch of this couple’s place that I was in on Sunday was Instagrammable. The soft, warm sunlight invaded the living room through sliding glass doors that let out onto a balcony overlooking one of Chicago’s iconic public parks. The guest bedroom, complete with a wooden bedframe straight from Restoration Hardware, looked like something out of an idyllic Norman Rockwell painting. I snooped through every crevice of that place, taking mental notes and scolding myself for not being as successful as these two people.
A stocked bar cart, expensive paintings (at least they looked expensive to me), and a hi-fi stereo system fit in perfectly with a brown leather couch and matching recliner. In a refreshing twist, no television was centered around all of this stuff. “They probably host dinner parties and elegant pre-games all of the time without using a sports game as a crutch for the rest of the evening,” I thought to myself.
I must have commented on the trappings of the apartment during five or six separate conversations with partygoers, pointing out crown molding or the fact that they had copper cookware hanging from the ceiling just to drive the point home that they were, in fact, successful.
I had woken up that Sunday with a smile on my face. I got a subpar bagel from my favorite deli in the city and got my bike tuned up and ready to rock for the summer. And then I stepped into that housewarming party and started to feel like someone who didn’t have things all figured out. All of those unnecessary kitchen utensils, entryway tables, and antique armoires that littered the property really got under my skin. I went home that evening completely dejected, feeling pressure to have a place similar to the one that I was just in.
I headed out a few hours later and unlocked the front door to my apartment. I stepped into my own kitchen (complete with mismatching cookware, no crown molding, and wood floors that are long overdue for a cleaning) and cracked open a Miller Lite. The temperature outside was in the mid-60s and the sun was just beginning to fall down into Lake Michigan as I stepped out onto the back porch of my apartment. Pictured below is a beautiful view of my current “rooftop.”
I put rooftop in quotation marks because as you can see it isn’t exactly a rooftop. It’s a back porch with some really shitty couches, an ashtray for cigarettes, and a grill out of shot on the ground floor that gets the job done. I know how shitty this spot looks, okay? I understand.
But something peculiar happened as I sat out there enjoying my Miller Lite. In that moment, as I watched the sun set over the city and I sat on a couch stained with beer, liquor, cigarette ash, and all manner of bodily fluid, I realized that I don’t need to keep up appearances and neither do you.
You’re on your own path and maybe you’ll have a sick ass house one day and maybe you won’t. But to judge yourself against another person who has more than you is doing yourself a disservice. As long as you have a Miller Lite (or any other domestic beer that suits your palette), some semblance of a back porch, and a sunset, you’re doing just fine, my friend. Don’t let a friend’s really nice apartment get you down. You’ll get there one day. Or maybe you’re doomed for eternity. I don’t know, I’m not a mind reader. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
The Instagram Effect. All you see is the best things your friends are doing.
After 6 or 7 coldies I believe I’m doing as good or better than most of my friends. I call it The Miller Lite Effect
If you wanna feel great about yourself give me a follow
Someone should just start an account that literally just takes time lapse videos of people sitting at desks and looking at computer screens and posting 1 every day lol
Exactly why I deleted Instagram
You are a better man than me. Too many butts out there to delete it
I love butts
Hey y’all this is so true it hurts agreeing with Dude to this extent. My first few years out of college were nothing but me comparing my successes and failures with those of my friends which led to some dark/depressing times in my life (thank God for a good woman and family) but you have to realize that most of what we see as a success is just bull shit (thanks for the daily reminder of this Nevid) and what really matters is the success we have within ourselves regarding self love and the success we have regarding our relationship with others/the world and honestly rich people suck and a big house is just more to worry about and a private jet is bad for the environment and a boat…well boats are awesome but just be happy with your little life and worry about being a good person and fuck the h8ers. I’m working from home this afternoon and I had some lunch beers so excuse the ramble here but just be happy y’all.
Yeah, guys all of this….at the end of the day, you own actually very little of the valuable things you have in life, most of it is leased, rented, and financed from the faceless conglomerates that own you. Remember most people are just one medical bill or missed paycheck away from being on the streets and that’s why we need to come together and light this current societal system on fire because it only benefits like, 7 people total lol
I’ll light the current societal system on fire tomorrow tomorrow I’ve already had one too many Miller Lites on my back porch today to care
Sup?
Are you getting these little biting gnats this spring? I’ve never had these. Can’t sit on my porch, bumming me out.
I’m down in Texas and I got destroyed by them this past Sunday
Couches are inside things
This is almost as dumb as saying TVs are inside appliances
I don’t remember you being at my house last week.
Dude, literally just paint your porch (clean it well if you rent). Buy some cheap outdoor furniture at Costco and a nice potted tree or something and wrap the railing in lights.
It will cease to look like a crack den and be like 8 times less depressing
Be careful about misplaced envy. You never know, but that couple with the new place could be up to their eyeballs in debt right now.
Go to your respective County Clerk’s website and check up on their new home’s Deed of Trust. Gives you all the juicy details on what their mortgage looks like. Then go to the Zillow mortgage calculator, input the numbers and smile that you don’t have that payment each month.
At the end of the day, it’s all just “stuff.”
I actually needed to hear this. I’m only recently graduated but most of my friends have solid jobs with great (at least by 2 years post grad standards) apartments. Meanwhile I still live at home to save money because I’m in grad school and can only work part time. Not that I resent my friends or anything but it’s still kinda hard to not feel like I should’ve taken a different path.
I did that for the first few years out of college. It sucks now but I paid off grad school and was able to buy a place instead of renting. It will pay off in the long run.
Complacency kills
Except that all you see is the super Instagrammable house. What they didn’t show off at the housewarming party was the crippling debt of a mortgage they can’t afford or the crumbling relationship because they work so much or the trust fund that actually financed the house. And even if they are just super happy and successful, at the end of the day, you can’t take it with you.
THIS. A close friend of mine just bought a house absolutely comparable to the one in duda’s story. She and I work the same job, have the same amount of experience, and make the same money, and I’m always mind blown by her and her fiance’s spending. It’s not always about how expensive your things are. Managing the money you have, in my opinion, speaks much more to “success” than having a fancy house and fancy grill etc. I’m very happy in my modest apartment and strong savings account I’ve been working my ass toward. I have no desire to be house poor at 25.
I know a couple with a house that is about 15-20 years ahead of what they should have at this point in life (just starting out)… bought with a trust fund. The $50k pick-up and Camero in the garage are bought with daddy’s money. I really do pity them because they’ve been effectively robbed of the satisfaction and pride that comes with working hard for something and earning it yourself. Winning the genetic lottery is cool and all, but having all of those toys doesn’t make you a good person.
I get that they aren’t getting the satisfaction of working toward an end goal, but whats wrong with your parents setting you up. I might be in the minority, but if you choose to have kids, you do anything and everything you can for them. If that means buying them cars and a trust that goes toward a down payment, awesome, but I don’t get what’s wrong with that? Unless they’re pompous asshats who pretend they bought the things themselves, then they suck.
Honestly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your parents helping you out, but there’s a difference between helping with a down payment or a car and giving someone everything they have. Parents can gift their kids some money for a big expense to accomplish a goal they’ve worked hard for while also making sure they understand the value of a dollar.
My dad has a bumper sticker on his RV that reads “I’m pissing away my child’s inheritance”
I’m not gonna see a dime and tbh, when I have kids they won’t either. That’s his money, he should spend it all.
This isn’t always accurate. My husband and I are “ahead of where we should be” for 27 and 29, but I landed a great job right out of school and he started his own business that’s really taken off. Neither of our parents have anything to give us, we just grind. I’ve had multiple people throw the trust fund thing out and it’s never once been accurate. Plus our state has a low cost of living so a nice house in a nice neighborhood still allows us enough room in the budget to do the actual fun stuff. Whoever said sheetrock is the most boring thing a human can do is spot on.
I’m not going to judge anyone for their trust funds, because I’m sure I’d be milking that if I could. I just mean it’s a waste of time to compare your own financial situation to someone else’s based on what they have because you have no idea where the money came from.
YES LAWD, PREACH