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I think for the first time in my short history as a remote writer on this site I’m going to keep my word count to under 500 words. I in no way want to draw out this topic longer than I need to. That being said, I have to say something. I have to talk about parental lip kissing.
Here’s the deal. I’m from a very normal family. When it comes to bones in the closet or whatever the hell that metaphor is, we’re fairly free of weird familial shit. I don’t have any touchy-feely uncles or black sheep cousins — we’re kind of just this normal LA family.
Now, my parents are from the south. That being said, they’ve been on the west coast for so long my father gets uncomfortable around the presence of mosquitoes, not because they’re going to bite him, but because he’s forgotten how to swat a bug. They ride their beach cruisers to happy hour and my mother has taken up free-form dance as her almost-retired extracurricular. That’s not to say I don’t have some seriously southern influences in my life, but I won’t even get into that here. (I have been mercilessly ridiculed for listening to country music).
What I’m trying to get at is, maybe without realizing, we have become this super free-spirited, laid back, open-minded family with no grasp on larger societal norms. Are we so far gone that we have lost sight of normal? If so, I need to know: Is it inappropriate that I kiss my parents on the lips?
Now come on. It’s no freaky weird romantic thing, it’s just like a familial peck. Even writing it, I’m uncomfortable, but when I do it, it’s really not something I think twice about.
Although in retrospect, I also kiss my female girlfriends (whom I’ve known my whole life) on the lips as a greeting. Like “Hey! Girls night! Woohoo!” and we all kiss on the lips. Is that also not the norm? I wonder how many a waiter we have made uncomfortable by smooching like it’s a middle school spin-the-bottle party in someone’s carpeted basement. Also, you’re very welcome for the wave of nausea induced by the word “smooching.” Feel free to plop the word “smooching” into the next text you send and let it just stew there. It’s Friday dammit, live your truth and make someone uncomfortable.
Okay. I did some thinking in the 2 minutes I had to close this screen because my boss was loitering outside my office like he owns the place. I think kissing your friends in public is fine. Let’s get back to mouth kissing parents.
I have kissed my parents on the lips for as long as I can remember. I’m sure when you’re 8 it’s common practice, but as I barrel into my mid-twenties, is it something I need to discuss with my parents? Do I need to put the kibosh on lip kissing in the name of social norms?
I’m not one for conforming, but in this case, I don’t think I’d mind falling into the “ya, she’s cool” category, instead of the “ya, she’s cool, but her family kisses on the mouth and I’m totally fucking freaked out” category. You know?
Okay. That’s all for now. This was weird..
(And yes, to all you boners out there, I realize this is 563 words. Nailed it.)