Dear God, Please Someone, Let Me Work For Free

Dear God, Please Someone, Let Me Work For Free

Graduating from college and trying to find a decent-paying job can be an irksome and harrowing experience. After years of schooling, many of us are out there hitting the streets, all trying to battle it out for the same jobs and positions. Finding a job is a tough business right now. It feels like we all need five years of professional experience and proficiency in fifteen different programs and databases just to get a foot in the door. I thought if I went back to school, I could buy myself some time and pad my resume a little bit with a nice JD. But life has come to slap me right across my stupid face, because now I’m stuck figuring out how to get an internship instead of a job.

I thought trying to find an actual paying job was hard, but that was nothing compared to the soul-sucking experience that is trying to get a legal internship. It’s pretty much imperative that I snag some sort of internship for the upcoming summer, and I’ll be honest, it’s not as easy as it looks. For some unknown reason, firms and corporations are less than willing to accept any old schmuck from the local law-schoolin’ institution to work for them for literally nothing. I might as well be walking up and down my neighborhood streets, pushing a lawn-mower, begging people to let me mow their lawns for free. But instead of being like, “Yeah, awesome, a mowed lawn for free sounds great!” these people are like, “Hmmm, I don’t know, we have a lot of people trying to mow our lawn for free, what kind of credentials you got?”

It’s one thing to go around applying for jobs you are incredibly underqualified for, and subsequently getting rejected. It is an entirely different animal to be offering yourself for free, and having someone say no. Most internships pay nothing. A few give interns free parking and a coupon for lunch down at Jason’s Deli. And even fewer are the big-firm internships that pay young rascals like me, $35k for 10 weeks worth of work.

My credentials on paper are pretty much astoundingly average. But put me in an interview, baby, and I’m gonna shine. I’ve got interpersonal skills coming out of the woodwork. Will I have the highest GPA out of the summer associates in your office? That’s probably a no. But I’ve got a killer handshake, and sometimes I write funny things on the internet.

I have literally spent hours crafting cover letter after cover letter, trying to convince big-wigs that they need me in their office. The Ivy League kids may have stellar GPA’s and clerking experience, but can they hold a decent conversation with the partners or make a champagne toast at a fundraising event? Doubt it. I’m a mover and a shaker, folks, and I’m ready to always be #closing. Now where’s the microphone?

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Texas native and Alabama grad with a Drake problem. Going to law school, but don't tell my future employers you saw me here.

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